favorite ways to answer....

The phone.

I had some Mormons calling all the time and couldn't get rid of them. My friend was over one night and picked up the phone and said " Family Planning...You make em We scrape em... No fetus can beat us "

That was the last call I got from them.

How do you deal with unsolicited calls ?

I never answer the phone without checking the Caller ID. Ever.

"Heaven...this is God speaking"

the best was when my friend worked at dominos tho. he had several ways of answering the phone.

"Dominos...its not our pizza"
"Dominos...proud sponsor of the five second rule"
"Dominos...if it makes it through our oven it deserves to kill you"

he also spit in and dropped pizzas on the ground regularly. one time they threw up on one and then scraped it off the dough and put the sauce on. haha.

But when my friends call, I like to say things like:
"Bueno." (which, for some reason, is really how Mexicans answer the phone informally)
"Pizza Hut."
"1900-HOT-COCK"

etc

AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP POSTING THINGS LIKE THIS?!! WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!! GOD DAMNIT!!

"THIS'D BETTER BE GOOD BECAUSE I WAS WATCHING TV!!"

Sometimes we just say beun, because that o is too much work.

I answer the phone mostly like this:

Big Top Video.
Directory Assitance, how may I direct your call?

I usually go with "Hello" or "Hey there" if I know who it is... if I'm feeling particularly festive I'll say something like "Hi."

Actually, my two favorites are "What up, shit bitch?" and "Wet Jimmy's gourmet Ass Meats, do this be pick up or delivery?"

[Edited on Sep 24, 2003 by pr0ject605]

"Ahoy-hoy"

My number used to be one digit different from the local electric utility. Oh, you could jerk those people around so bad because they had no idea they had the wrong number. Especially when there was a blackout! The calls wouldn't stop, asking when the power would come back on. So I'd answer the phone saying "Municipal Light and Power, how may I help you?" If the caller sounded black, we'd tell him that we were stopping service to all non-white customers. The sputtering outrage was priceless. They'd demand to talk to my manager, and I'd hand the phone over to my brother who would pose as my "manager", and would explain the new whites-only electricity service.

Not a racist or anything, but this would send people over the edge. Lotsa laffs.


[Edited on Sep 24, 2003 by stockula]

It has become either "Yup" or "Yellow" mostly because it takes less effort than hello, then I hang up as soon as I realize I don't have anything to say.

[Edited on Sep 24, 2003 by mothra]

i just say "you rang? like lurch. . but i doubt ver many of you remember that.

*I 'member lurch*

I like to answer "Two Kings" (Tenacious D) Its great, people don't know how to respond. Most are like "uhh...is [insert roomate name here] there? Very funny. When one of my good buds, Brandon B., calls he always cracks up. Its keen.

"Nakamakpisai!"

Aint no one remembers that AT&T commercial.

I always want to torment telemarketers, but i just end up letting the phone drift away from my head and then i hang up. If any of ya'll are telemarketers, just know, its nothing personal.

'yankee stadium, second base."

i just start screaming at them in german.

If caller ID says its one of my friends I answer by saying.....

Hey Ho! dont know why??????

My aunt use to answer by saying Marvins Mortuary- you stab em we slab em.

i have a answer machine i screen 95% of all my calls

My roommate and I like to mess with people one the phone.

"Hugo's House of Pain"
"Paco's Fun House"
"Pedro's Hookers and Waffles"
"Hello, if you're calling about the monkey, don't worry, the problem has been taken care of"

My mom was the one who called the first time "Hugo's House of Pain" was used. My roommate's sister hung up three times when we answered one day because she thought she had the wrong number.

My last name is White so we always answer with something along those lines. "White house blah blah blah blah blah" Sometimes we throw in something current event style, the weak thing is dumb ass people actually think they managed to call the real fucking white house and appologize and shit. Fucking re-re's

"Before I say anything else, I'm legally required to tell you that I have found Jesus. Have you?"

Morts mortuary and grill you killem, we grillem how may I take your order please . To this day only friends and family haven't hung up when I said that.

If it's my cell phone and I know the caller, then normally "Hiya." If it's an unknown number or landline (no ID) then "heh-low...?"
Spike