Who likes paying taxes? Not me. I bet you don't as well. But what do we do about it? Not a thing. Unless you count whining as "doing something." You do? Look, we're really getting off topic here...

You know who doesn't like taxes and doesn't do nothing about it? That's right, the originator of a foolproof gambling strategy known for paying off a staggering fifty percent of the time, Wesley Snipes.

On Monday morning, federal prosecutors, defense attorneys and a judge will sift through dozens of prospective jurors from four Central Florida counties with the goal of seating a 12-member jury. The jury will take up to four weeks to determine whether actor Wesley Snipes is guilty of conspiracy and presenting false claims for millions of dollars in tax refunds. Snipes also is charged with failing to file tax returns for six years.

If convicted, he faces up to 16 years in prison.

I've no doubt Wesley does plenty of things we don't. Third-tier actresses, direct-to-video movies, and, quite possibly, time. None of those are as impressive as the stunt that might land him there. The US Governent comes to him and ask for the money he owes them and he not only says "no" but goes on to state, "Actually, YOU OWE ME MONEY. Millions of dollars, in fact, and I'm here to collect."

That's likes some unholy offspring of "balls" and "stupidity" they cook up in a lab somewhere using a test tube, tweezers, and a Barry White CD. I'm guessing you pick it up on the black market (the only place Passenger 57 shops) and then inject it directly into your spine. Wesley's body is like 43% that shit.

Okay, he didn't actually say it, his actions did, but tell me that doesn't sound like every Wesley Snipes character ever. I think he really thinks he's a Snipes' character. I don't see any other explanation.

An October 2006 federal indictment states that Snipes, along with two men who ran a tax-fraud scheme, filed for $11.4 million in false tax refunds. Snipes and his co-conspirators argued that the U.S. government can only tax residents on income generated in other countries, the indictment states. That claim has been proved false by several courts, according to the indictment

I'm not saying this isn't true, that there might not be a long lost, legally binding interpretation of a loophole forgotten by all... but if there was, is it really likely that the man bringing it to our attention would be WESLEY SNIPES?

A school teacher years from now standing in front of the Wesley Snipes' statue on the lawn of the White House. "That's right, kids, this great man starred in both Jungle Fever and White Men Can't Jump before going on to free the people of our land from the tyranny of paying taxes!"

"Then he cured my cancer with his breath and made gold fall from the sky... which, actually, injured many, many people. Most of them ended up only breaking even, after the medical costs... but live and learn, I never said he was perfect! "

Snipes at one point called his usual tax preparers and told them to file the refund requests as he directed, the indictment states. The tax accountants told him the filing would be improper, prosecutors allege.

Again, another example of how one Mr. Snipes differs from you and I. It's almost staggering, the lack of similarity. I'd have replied to my accountant, "Oh, okay. Heh, guess that was stupid. No millions for me then, is that what you're saying? Cool."

There's no transcript here (And why Snipes doesn't travel with a 24 hour on-duty court reporter is beyond me, and potentially one of the greatest oversights of the '90s.) but I'd bet anything his response was a terse, "Well... then file it again." even though, as we both can see, that's not in any way a response to the accountant's statement. It kinda even doesn't make sense.

The two men charged with Snipes, Eddie Ray Kahn and Douglas P. Rosalie, ran an organization out of Lake County that purported to be an aggressive accounting firm, according to the indictment. It morphed into a new group, Guiding Light of God Ministries, a supposed nonprofit Christian organization. Both organizations, the indictment states, "sold fraudulent tax schemes."

I'm an idiot and know next to nothing of the law, but even I can see that this sounds... um, not so great.

Snipes' lead attorney, Robert G. Bernhoft, said the issue in court will not be about various tax theories. Snipes, Bernhoft said, did not try to defraud the government. He simply asked the IRS whether this innovative way to file returns was allowed.

I'm going to again bet that if we had the documents Snipes submitted in front of us, we wouldn't find a single "question mark" on them. But, good luck.

I'm torn. We've had celebs in jail before, but not an "action hero." This third act could be nuts. US government vs. Wesley Snipes... Let's find out. It's bound to be better than Undisputed.

TheCoolerKing still enjoys the shit out of the first Blade movie. And 2 was cool, also. I guess... I mean, "he guesses."

welchjsn

Bethalto, IL

July 2005

JAN 13, 2008 08:55 AM

In the immortal words of Blade himself "you DO NOT know who you are fucking with!"

goodpoltergeist

Douglasville, GA

January 2007

JAN 13, 2008 10:02 AM

See, this was good. Keep it up.

PointBlank

New York, NY

November 2004

JAN 13, 2008 11:45 AM

This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.

scylis

USA

November 2004

JAN 13, 2008 12:57 PM

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.

they best be clad in linen skirts, gilded shoulder pieces, and those cylindrical hats while wielding kopeshes, or it's all merely ego.