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TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JAN 13, 2008 04:14 AM

Who likes paying taxes? Not me. I bet you don't as well. But what do we do about it? Not a thing. Unless you count whining as "doing something." You do? Look, we're really getting off topic here...



You know who doesn't like taxes and doesn't do nothing about it? That's right, the originator of a foolproof gambling strategy known for paying off a staggering fifty percent of the time, Wesley Snipes.



On Monday morning, federal prosecutors, defense attorneys and a judge will sift through dozens of prospective jurors from four Central Florida counties with the goal of seating a 12-member jury. The jury will take up to four weeks to determine whether actor Wesley Snipes is guilty of conspiracy and presenting false claims for millions of dollars in tax refunds. Snipes also is charged with failing to file tax returns for six years.



If convicted, he faces up to 16 years in prison.



I've no doubt Wesley does plenty of things we don't. Third-tier actresses, direct-to-video movies, and, quite possibly, time. None of those are as impressive as the stunt that might land him there. The US Governent comes to him and ask for the money he owes them and he not only says "no" but goes on to state, "Actually, YOU OWE ME MONEY. Millions of dollars, in fact, and I'm here to collect."



That's likes some unholy offspring of "balls" and "stupidity" they cook up in a lab somewhere using a test tube, tweezers, and a Barry White CD. I'm guessing you pick it up on the black market (the only place Passenger 57 shops) and then inject it directly into your spine. Wesley's body is like 43% that shit.



Okay, he didn't actually say it, his actions did, but tell me that doesn't sound like every Wesley Snipes character ever. I think he really thinks he's a Snipes' character. I don't see any other explanation.



An October 2006 federal indictment states that Snipes, along with two men who ran a tax-fraud scheme, filed for $11.4 million in false tax refunds. Snipes and his co-conspirators argued that the U.S. government can only tax residents on income generated in other countries, the indictment states. That claim has been proved false by several courts, according to the indictment



I'm not saying this isn't true, that there might not be a long lost, legally binding interpretation of a loophole forgotten by all... but if there was, is it really likely that the man bringing it to our attention would be WESLEY SNIPES?



A school teacher years from now standing in front of the Wesley Snipes' statue on the lawn of the White House. "That's right, kids, this great man starred in both Jungle Fever and White Men Can't Jump before going on to free the people of our land from the tyranny of paying taxes!"



"Then he cured my cancer with his breath and made gold fall from the sky... which, actually, injured many, many people. Most of them ended up only breaking even, after the medical costs... but live and learn, I never said he was perfect! "



Snipes at one point called his usual tax preparers and told them to file the refund requests as he directed, the indictment states. The tax accountants told him the filing would be improper, prosecutors allege.



Again, another example of how one Mr. Snipes differs from you and I. It's almost staggering, the lack of similarity. I'd have replied to my accountant, "Oh, okay. Heh, guess that was stupid. No millions for me then, is that what you're saying? Cool."



There's no transcript here (And why Snipes doesn't travel with a 24 hour on-duty court reporter is beyond me, and potentially one of the greatest oversights of the '90s.) but I'd bet anything his response was a terse, "Well... then file it again." even though, as we both can see, that's not in any way a response to the accountant's statement. It kinda even doesn't make sense.



The two men charged with Snipes, Eddie Ray Kahn and Douglas P. Rosalie, ran an organization out of Lake County that purported to be an aggressive accounting firm, according to the indictment. It morphed into a new group, Guiding Light of God Ministries, a supposed nonprofit Christian organization. Both organizations, the indictment states, "sold fraudulent tax schemes."



I'm an idiot and know next to nothing of the law, but even I can see that this sounds... um, not so great.



Snipes' lead attorney, Robert G. Bernhoft, said the issue in court will not be about various tax theories. Snipes, Bernhoft said, did not try to defraud the government. He simply asked the IRS whether this innovative way to file returns was allowed.



I'm going to again bet that if we had the documents Snipes submitted in front of us, we wouldn't find a single "question mark" on them. But, good luck.



I'm torn. We've had celebs in jail before, but not an "action hero." This third act could be nuts. US government vs. Wesley Snipes... Let's find out. It's bound to be better than Undisputed.





TheCoolerKing still enjoys the shit out of the first Blade movie. And 2 was cool, also. I guess... I mean, "he guesses."

welchjsn

welchjsn

Bethalto, IL
July 2005

JAN 13, 2008 08:55 AM

In the immortal words of Blade himself "you DO NOT know who you are fucking with!"

goodpoltergeist

goodpoltergeist

Auburn, AL
January 2007

JAN 13, 2008 10:02 AM

See, this was good. Keep it up.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

JAN 13, 2008 11:45 AM

This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.

scylis

scylis

Anchorage, AK
November 2004

JAN 13, 2008 12:57 PM

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.



they best be clad in linen skirts, gilded shoulder pieces, and those cylindrical hats while wielding kopeshes, or it's all merely ego.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JAN 13, 2008 01:16 PM

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.


I read somewhere that he's got his own giant throne, too.

That's really the self-test for douchebaggery, if you can climb onto a throne and sit there for more than a minute, without feeling like an ass, you're a douchebag.

tokewl4undies

tokewl4undies

Buffalo, NY
November 2007

JAN 13, 2008 01:31 PM

and what, jessica biel in all her leathery goodness gets NO love?

xazapdmytinu

xazapdmytinu

Fort Collins, CO
July 2007

JAN 13, 2008 01:50 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.


I read somewhere that he's got his own giant throne, too.

That's really the self-test for douchebaggery, if you can climb onto a throne and sit there for more than a minute, without feeling like an ass, you're a douchebag.



or you can use the power of the throne to smite people who call you a douchebag, thus putting you in the asshole fuckface category...then you're golden. biggrin

thunderbunny

thunderbunny

USA
OLD SKOOL

JAN 13, 2008 02:21 PM

Actually, betting on black pays out a whopping 48.6% of the time, thanks to 0 and 00.

Yours in math nerliness,

tb

infernodragyn

infernodragyn

Minneapolis, MN
January 2004

JAN 13, 2008 04:59 PM

Heh, i saw Snipes recently in that fitness machine commercial with Christie Brinkley, the chick from northern exposure and CHUCK NORRIS...now if there aint a movie in there somewhere there is no satan...=)

Weso

Weso

Santa Cruz, CA
July 2002

JAN 13, 2008 05:18 PM

You should read the EW piece on this. They've got it pretty well covered.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JAN 13, 2008 10:15 PM

Weso said:
You should read the EW piece on this. They've got it pretty well covered.


Yeah, that's where I got the throne info.

Somehow, he seems pretty laidback about possibly going to jail for a decade or so...

scylis

scylis

Anchorage, AK
November 2004

JAN 14, 2008 01:03 AM

TheCoolerKing said:

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.


I read somewhere that he's got his own giant throne, too.

That's really the self-test for douchebaggery, if you can climb onto a throne and sit there for more than a minute, without feeling like an ass, you're a douchebag.



what if you actually have a crown to go with it?

Kindle

Kindle

Seattle, WA
March 2006

JAN 14, 2008 03:51 AM

scylis said:

TheCoolerKing said:

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.


I read somewhere that he's got his own giant throne, too.

That's really the self-test for douchebaggery, if you can climb onto a throne and sit there for more than a minute, without feeling like an ass, you're a douchebag.



what if you actually have a crown to go with it?


I have a crown he could use. But it'll cost him.

Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

JAN 14, 2008 12:07 PM

A nice round of totally non-ironic clapping from me. The opening is great, and there were a lot of nicely shaped gems in this one. Keep 'em comin'!

strndniowa

strndniowa

Grimes, IA
May 2007

JAN 14, 2008 07:36 PM

xazapdmytinu said:

TheCoolerKing said:

PointBlank said:
This is by far one of the least strange/interesting things about Wesley Snipes. A lot of people don't pay taxes, but few of them also have a private army called the Royal Guard of Amen-Ra.


I read somewhere that he's got his own giant throne, too.

That's really the self-test for douchebaggery, if you can climb onto a throne and sit there for more than a minute, without feeling like an ass, you're a douchebag.



or you can use the power of the throne to smite people who call you a douchebag, thus putting you in the asshole fuckface category...then you're golden. biggrin


Or you can become a government and tax people..which would be platinumen- or diamonden ...guess you just can't beat golden...



Pointless reply, but at least made me feel good...

defaultx

defaultx

I'm lost
February 2006

JAN 14, 2008 08:18 PM

the smart money scams the tax man playing games in the caribbean islands.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JAN 15, 2008 02:13 AM

Toku666 said:
A nice round of totally non-ironic clapping from me. The opening is great, and there were a lot of nicely shaped gems in this one. Keep 'em comin'!


Hah. Thanks Toku, appreciate the comment.

If Wes punches a bailiff you could be reading a sequel.

Markus001

Markus001

United Kingdom
November 2004

JAN 19, 2008 06:57 AM

Wesley Snipes is just a shitty actor who was past his prime ages ago. He's played the same role every time, he just happened to play it well in Blades 1 & 2.


Not really relevant, but I find that some people are prepared to give him a hospital pass because he's 'motherfuckin' Wesley Snipes' or whatever.

AceT

AceT

Portland, OR
April 2004

FEB 02, 2008 01:01 PM

Acquitted.

BALLS OF STEEL.

squee_

squee_

Grand Marais, MN
September 2004

MAR 02, 2008 08:42 PM

I know everyone will disagree with me but Undisputed was better than any of those crappy Blade movies.

Also I do a lot to lower my tax burden. It's not that hard. Most people could pay less if they just paid more attention to what their options are.

Stiles

Stiles

New York, NY
November 2002

MAR 02, 2008 08:47 PM

AceT said:
Acquitted.

BALLS OF STEEL.



linky no worky

thefreak

thefreak

NEWSWIRE

Gardner, MA

MAR 02, 2008 09:11 PM

Stiles said:

AceT said:
Acquitted.

BALLS OF STEEL.


linky no worky


Here's a working one.

-TM

Stiles

Stiles

New York, NY
November 2002

MAR 02, 2008 09:17 PM

AceT said:
Acquitted.

BALLS OF STEEL.



Er, no. He may well go to jail for three years, he was convicted on multiple misdemeanor counts, and he will have to pay all the taxes he owes, plus penalties and interest.


However, Snipes is not quite scot-free: The jury found Snipes guilty of three out of six misdemeanor charges of failing to file tax returns, and he faces up to three years in prison as well as a likely court order to pay millions in owed back taxes.




Snipes still faces the threat of prison. Though the three-year max he could be sentenced to is a significant reduction from the potential 16-year sentence that loomed over him at the start of the trial, both MacNab and O'Neill believe he will be sentenced to the full 36 months. The sentencing hearing is expected to be held in two to three months.

"The tax loss on this is several million dollars," MacNab said. "He's looking at spending some serious time in prison unless the judge is extremely lenient."

Snipes' co-defendants Kahn and Rosile did not escape criminal conviction: they were both found guilty of tax fraud and conspiracy. Each faces up to 10 years in prison.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

MAR 03, 2008 02:15 AM

Stiles said:
He may well go to jail for three years


That's great news! Three more years without another Blade movie! puke

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