Write your personal ad

Be creative. 40 words or less. Feel free to read mine if you need help getting started.



[Edited on Sep 21, 2003 by Lesa]

SWM that loves film, music and tattoo design seeking intelligent f for interesting and off-beat conversation, friendship and maybe more.
Spike

Attached, semi-detached WM. Will work for food. Will pontificate obnoxiously on any subject in exchange for sexual favours.

Hi. I'm just your average rice and beans kinda guy, looking for someone to make homemade tortillas with.

This is more like an impersonal ad.

Here's a sample of my actual online dating profile. See if you can guess what I'm suppose to be. Here's a hint: I'm a deadly ninja.

Why you should get to know me:
I was taken from my family as a small child and whisked away to a secret training camp where one was given only two choices: discipline or death. Seeing as I am still here, I am clearly disciplined. Although I am known throughout many dangerous circles as a living nightmare, my capacity for terror is rivaled only by my desire for passion. I will know when it is appropriate to assure you of your beauty, and I will know when to be silent. My silence is frightening as is my recipe for homemade chili.

Who I'm looking for:
My people do not discriminate between the sexes, but one thing is required of both: a strong mind and body. Anyone who can pass a series of difficult, painful, and sometimes fatal tests will be the one. The tests were designed to insure perfection, so there will be no further question of your worth once you have passed them. A strong tolerance for heat and stabbing is reccomended for prospective test takers. I do not deal with rejection well, so please understand if I decide to strike fear into your heart through your dreams if you ever hurt me.

SWM seeks cute Indian girl with short hair in the Boston area to drink watch Perfect Strangers with

As you can see, I already have a crush on someone and the success of this ad would be if the exact person I'm crushing on were to read it. Oh, and figure out it's me. Oh, and was in any way attracted to me. Fuck.

SAM bored to death without any reason to live another day seeking anything that could remotely inspire me to remove the shotgun from my mouth. non committed relationships only. no fat chicks. drug abusers preferred, only if willing to share and/ or support my inordinately high expectations of living. must have job.
My rate is $75 per hour with a 2 hour minimum.
call for interviews between 10 pm to 4 am.

Someone once told me, (or maybe I read) "while sex without love can have its thrills and satisfactions, sex without soul is like salad without dressing - a bowl of roughage fit for cattle and goats." So give me thrills. Give me satisfaction. But most of all, give me soul.

49 words. Sorry.


[Edited on Sep 21, 2003 by unravled]

I'll do well to remember that.

And here's an interesting collection from 'Irish Lonely Hearts' :

From the Lonely Hearts column of last month's 'Ireland's Own' magazine.
Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own
car and be willing to travel.
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Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie. Thurles area.
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Galway man, 50, in despertate need of a ride. Anything considered.
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Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Glasgow Celtic football club and starting scraps on Patrick Street at three in the morning.
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Bitter, disillusioned Kerryman lately rejected by longtime fiancee seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
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Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
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Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we
bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential.
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Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters.
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Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady with big chest.
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Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats in cemetaries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
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Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Jolenes Nightclub, Macroom, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man
who's not afraid to cry for long nights spent comfort drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
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Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm.
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Optimistic Mayo man 35, seeks blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
come on sugar let me know.
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
come on honey tell me so

I love these.

MORE PLEASE!

SWA (single white asshole) seeks a suicide girl.

damn you...that was going to be mine...

petite brunette faeire-type seeks fabulously fun children of the night for dancing, prancing and good ole fashioned lovin. sense of humor, above average IQ, and high spirit a must. XY and dark brooding types need not apply.

Do you remember me?
Airport shuttle, June 7th. You: striking blonde with yellow dress, pearl necklace, brown shoes. I was the bookish fellow in the green cardigan who helped you find your contact lens. Am I crazy, or did we have a moment?

Not so single, not entirely white, but all male. Seeks petit, headstrong, rock and roll chick to distract me (discreetly) from my work. Must be sexually explorative, not shy, and not be afraid to fart in public.

That'll cost ya extra.

Erratic free spirit in search of her partner in crime/co-conspirator.

Don't be a dud, i.e., the firecracker that never goes off. Only sensual and provocative free thinkers need reply.

SWM seeks SWF for getting drunk while listening to the Rolling Stones, "Monkey Man" on repeat. Serious inquires only.

narcopleptic bank robber seeks getaway driver for
fun and adventure adn possibly even profit. must be
able to perform under pressure, maintain correct tire
pressure, and never run out of gas. stoolies need not apply.

SBM (single belligerent misanthrope) seeking BBW (big bomb-like weapon) for one night of mayhem and destruction of the human race. I prefer hydrogen and neutron bombs to plastics. Detonators optional, no drugs, no North Korean-marked warheads please. 206-HATE-YOU

*sigh* wish I could actually get that number... jerks

Struggling super hero seeks Femme Fatale super villainness for epic battles/dinner & dancing. Sarcastic wit and ability to excange verbal barbs amidst explosions and swordfights a plus. General lust for power and plans for world domination a must. With proper plot twists, potential for sexual tension/love-hate/ shocking romance episodes unlimited. Please contact by shining brilliant spotlight with Spade shaped insignia into skies above Pittsburgh.

Brilliant