NEWS: What Women Want

CULTURE: What Women Want

I hope the last day of 2007 is a happy one for all who find this. Not only is it the last day of 2007, but this is my last article for the Newswire. I was having trouble deciding how to "go out". Do I just write the article I had ready about Bill Clinton warning that only his wife and 2008 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton can prevent the next 9/11? Do I just act like it's another day, publish something and that's it?

It just didn’t seem right. We've all been through so much together. You all have really let me know who you guys are. I feel there's still more of me to reveal. So, I would like to take this opportunity, my last article for SuicideGirls, to tell you what I did today. I will not be breaking any news or reporting anything.

I'm sick. I've been sick for five days. I even had an article in mind to write about the dangers of Zicam, everyone's favorite, powerful, zinc-tastic nasal spray. But my heart wasn’t in it. I've been coughing and choking on my own mucus. I haven’t slept through the night in a few days either wrestling with hot or cold flashes and restless legs. My throat is too raw to drink liquids even though I know I need plenty of them. The one thing that has made me happy during my bout with the flu happened late this afternoon as I was channel surfing. My favorite (in a bad way) movie was on, What Women Want, starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt.

If you're a movie snob or a movie buff or just cool, take a break from all of that for two hours some day and rent this movie. Mel Gibson is pulling out all of the "comedy" stops with his frenetic, seems-like-he's-on-meth-acting-style. The movie starts out at 100% with Mel, a frustrated ad-executive (typical movie character profession with the usual opening scene of the bustling office) putting on nail polish, pantyhose, bras, and using a hairdryer near a bathtub to get in touch with his feminine side. Why does he need to do that? To succeed at an ad-campaign aimed at women, silly! Well, when he's electrocuted he doesn’t die but suddenly gains a superpower -- the ability to hear what women are thinking, every woman!

This is where it gets good. Women seem to be thinking about only a few things in this movie. Women are thinking about marriage, how pissed they are at their boyfriends and how handsome they think Mel Gibson's character "Nick" is. Most women say things like, "Hello, blue eyes" or "Hubba, Hubba" in their minds as they pass by Nick on the street. I especially love how the thoughts of all women in this movie sound like complete sentences written by one screenwriter -- and not how thoughts actually are; slippery, disjointed and rapid.

Eventually Mel uses his superpower to manipulate his easily-manipulated and helpless boss Darcy, played by Helen Hunt. We are treated, via Nick's superpower, to Darcy's thoughts. Usually she's thinking things like, "Oh, my God I just looked at his penis. Oh, my God I just looked at his penis, again." And then she does some physical comedy and drops something and Mel slaps his head and laughs.

I remember years ago when this movie came out I was working at a corporation and the office manager kept running into my cubicle proclaiming, "You like comedy. You'll love What Women Want. It's soooo funny!" She tried to re-tell scenes to me through her laughter. She said things like, "It's a chick-flick, but it's really good." I think about people like Jenny the office manager when I watch this movie. She loved this movie pure and simple. She didn’t see the blatant or subtle sexism, the puns or the clichés and she didn’t seem to mind "Mack the Knife" as background music in almost every scene for no reason.

The movie is also a commercial for Nike as the entire sub-plot of the movie is about how these two ad-execs come up with a slogan for Nike running sneakers. The winning slogan? "No Games. Just Sports."

I laughed and groaned and cringed during the montage set to the song, "What a Girl Wants" as single-dad Mel Gibson watches his daughter try on prom dresses at the mall. Then he hears her secret thoughts. She's going to lose her virginity on prom night to her 18-year-old boyfriend! (She's 15.) (Big laughs!) (Statutory rape, everyone! What's a dad to do?)

For the few hours I watched this movie my mucus dried, my throat didn’t hurt and my immune system got stronger by being cheered up. I highly recommend this movie for hangovers and head colds or when you just need something devoid of meaning or logic. I've loved this movie in a joking way for so long that now I actually think I love this movie. I never want to own it. I just want it to keep finding me when I need it.

Now, I want to take Nyquil and call it a year. Thanks for the memories Mel and Helen and of course, all of you. May your 2008 be filled with plenty of relaxing down-time enabling you to watch your favorite (bad) movies.

It sounds like I am just as sick as you are, but even then I could not make myself watch this movie again. I understand loving bad movies though. I am glad that it made you feel good for those couple of hours. Have a great 2008!

So why is everyone bailing may not agree with you always but all of you leaving, you made us think Goody and good luck

Second the sick comment. Good luck in your future endeavors!

I prefer You've Got Mail for recovery. I can't even tell you how it ends; I just know that Tom Hanks smiles a lot, Meg Ryan gets mad a lot, and I fall asleep about halfway through. In fact, just thinking about it makes me sleepy.

Must Love Dogs helped me through a sick day.

best of luck.

You know what always helps me through my sick days?


That's right, the good ole' Wheel and some soaps. Although I dunno if it's gonna be the same without Bob...

Have to agree on the "You've Got Mail Comment" pretty much all the Meg Ryan romantic movies do the same for me. "Sleepless in Seattle", "When Harry Met Sally", Then add in the suprisingly good "French Kiss" and "Addicted to Love". You could hit "Joe vs The Volcano" and make it a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan trilogy with Sleepless and Mail.... sigh... I think I am getting sick right now thinking of it!

Last time I was sick I buckled down and finally watched "Gone with the Wind" beginning to end.

I just got for Christmas the number one best cold remedy movie: The Goonies. It's not a guy flick, not a chick flick; I'd like to think it transcends gender and is squarely an awesome nerd flick.

Great article. Personally, High Fidelity and Ferris Bueller's Day Off do it for me every time. Good night, good luck, and feel better.

Best of luck in whatever comes next for you in the new year.

My movies while sick are usually Rushmore and Home for the Holidays.

It's good to know these things are available when you need them. When I'm sick, I tend to watch bad science fiction (but really, is there any other kind?). I once watched about 6 hours of Stargate SG-1 when I was on pain medication. It was a trip.

<3 SleepyLady - your articles will be missed!

Get well and do so soon! Your writing will be missed by those of intestinal fortitude!

how could you forget the Price is RIght...... with bob barker......NOT drew Carrey.


I always dreamed of running off to become a barker's beauty

One of my guilty pleasure movies. Good luck with whatever you do next.

That movie sucked, and you suck for reminding me of it.
Now I have to go back to therapy to forget helen hunt exists again.

Ha!! I watched that movie the other night while coughing up half of my lung and yes, mel gibson's sympathy for the "dorky" glasses wearing girl warmed my heart.....or maybe it was the hot toddy.

Damn!

I was really hoping that I would see my name

Maybe next year