NEWS: A Review of Candidate Holiday Messages

CULTURE: A Review of Candidate Holiday Messages

It's the first and last annual Holiday Greetings in Review where I will critique the 2008 candidates holiday greetings based solely on my opinion at the moment using the red-sweater points system, 1 is the worst, 5 is the best.

First up. Mike Huckabee.



A few things here. Huck tries to set himself apart from the pack of candidates who are advertising what they'll do if they're elected President in their holiday greetings. Huck avoids that but in the process makes it clear that his presidency might just be about the worship of Christ. Also, if we want to get all biblical scholarly on the topic - Christ was born in the summer. It would be more appropriate to have a Christmas BBQ with presents, beer and fireworks. The act of lighting a tree in winter is more of a Pagan ritual.

But all that fact aside...at least Huckabee is brave enough to not hide behind this Happy Holidays stuff. He has a not-so subliminal cross in the background. He's Christian and it's Christmas to him and he's polarizing enough to declare that it is the "Christmas season" for everyone else as well! (Take that all other world religions, spiritual practices and atheists! Who needs your votes anyway?) Also, his sweater looks a little worn.

Total Points: 1 red sweater

Next up. Ron Paul



Ron, are all of those little rugrats going to be moving into the White House with you? It's like P. Diddy's entourage. Too many kids! I got distracted.

Total Points: 1/2 red sweater

Next up. Hillary Clinton



Great wrapping on those gifts. Although Hillary is not really attaching the cards to the gifts. She's sort of just placing them on the packages. No wonder she couldn't find Universal Pre-K. I enjoy the 'women can save the world and wrap gifts' multi-tasking message. No Christmas tree but Christmas music? White walls? It feels a little cold, like Christmas at my Aunt's house - the one with OCD and a fear of dust. She's gutsy for staying true to her God in this ad - the almighty gold pantsuit. But no red sweater is going to dock her some points.

Total points: 3 red-sweaters.

Next up. John Edwards.



Lots of people are cynical jerks and all they will see in this ad is that beautiful head of hair, fancy tree and campaign money spent to get this message out there. I think America is still not ready for this seemingly preachy message. People don't want to think about how it's their responsibility to help others, not when they have to get to Target early to beat the rush! "We hear you" sounds a little too similar to Bush standing on the Ground Zero ruins wearing his Members Only jacket. And I'm not sure where these homeless vets are watching this TV ad but regardless it's a valiant effort. The tie is a little stiff. Would it have killed Edwards to go with maybe a candy-cane stripe? No red-sweater? That's going to cost him.

Total points: 2 red-sweaters

Last up. Rudy Giuliani.



Rudy's incessant nodding yes and popping his eyes open shows that he's read about the intricate psychology of body language. Hypnotize your viewer. Lower taxes for families and....businesses? Wait, what? Peace with strength! I love that one. I literally laughed out loud. Peace with strength. You know, it's like Jesus with big-ass muscles! God forbid Rudy say peace without making sure he doesn't sound like a pussy. There is a joke at the end too and Santa Claus himself rewards Rudy with a candy cane. Well, that's it. Santa fucking Claus is hanging out with Rudy. Santa helped me out so much as a kid, how can I not pay him back by voting for Rudy? Rudy makes a unique choice with a red sweater-vest and he did not invoke 9/11! (I hear the original un-aired ad featured two twin pines falling in the background and Rudy springing into action.)

Total points: 5 red-sweaters



SleepyLady does not support Rudy in any way. The real winner of the holiday ads in her opinion is Barack Obama.

aw...no Ron Paul ad featuring Larry Flint and a bunch of scantily clad strippers? (Flint Supported him with states rights to legalize prostitution, right?)

And Barrack gets points for no red sweater AND no reference to campaign promises...it's a holiday message for crying out loud. But the democrats ought to think seriously about an alternative energy fire and maybe some recycled wrapping paper...and artificial trees of course...gotta keep that environmental message.

I agree that it is pretty cynical of any candidate to use a Christmas greeting to campaign. I don't see a problem with them acknowledging Christmas for what it is, regardless of when you think Jesus was born.

I thought the Huckster's message was bold. He certainly isn't pretending to be something he isn't, like Clinton with her homey facade. Your little quip about Rudy's trees falling down was amusing - especially since my tree did in fact fall over last night.

"The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight"

I still heart John Edwards.

The Ron Paul video looks like an ad for Wal-mart.

Holy shit! Those libertarians sure can multiply!

Wow, that Rudy spot was laughable. Is this really what they think the IQ of the voting masses is? I suppose we brought this all on ourselves...

I haven't been enamored by SleepyLady's newswire articles in the past, but I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks.

Mike Huckabee creeps me out so much.

I really believe Mitt Romney is much worse, especially in terms of creepiness.

No, Larry Flynt is raising money for Dennis Kucinich.

I agree, this one was quite entertaining and informative, thank you for this one !

Rudy needs speech correction therapy, seriously, that lisp drives me crazy.

I don't have enough space to share the amount of "TEEHEE!"s I went through reading this and watching the spots. Christmas + Campaigning = HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Also, holy freaking kids, Ron Paul!

How could anyone not love an article full of YouTube clips?

It's my holiday gift to you all.

And not to worry...SleepyLady will not be writing on here in '08 so not enamored? Not going to happen anytime soon! Unless we meet in person, in which case I'm sure you'd love me.

Good night!

xoxoxo
SL

I dunno. When I contemplate a Romney presidency, I'm reassured to think that none of the religious bullshit that comes out of his mouth springs from any deep well of moral conviction; he's a professional politician paying despicable lip-service to bullshit, pandering to Evangelical lunatics who may be dumb but are still smart enough to see through him. Huckabee's evil comes straight from his genuine Christian heart, and that scares the crap out of me.

I LOLd. That was awesome.

I'd like to see Hillary let her guard down for once...I just wonder if she's really as evil and fake as she seems, or if it's her "tough guy" politician face.
I <3 John Edwards.

Ron Paul 2008.....dot com.

Rudy's ad looked like something out of SNL. Not something I'd like to see in Presidential politics, but I laughed my ass off, as did my wife. And perhaps that's why we should see it in Presidential politics.

Pretty pathetic one and all. Just more tell'em what they want to hear. They'll follow like mindless sheep. Nobody's changed my mind yet. I'm still voting for Obama, 'cause I'm still convinced that president's most important asset is public speaking, and O has it all.

Romney strikes me as the slimiest and most disingenuous, but Huckabee scares me.

Hucksterbee has no chance. He's surging in Iowa. Iowa isn't America. I wish the GOP would nominate Huckabee. Then the Democrats could go with a real Progressive instead of the safety candidate.

Romney would be a tougher opponent, and his administration would be very similar to the Bush Regime, only re-invigorated.

Yes, Christians certainly are evil and scary, aren't they? Positively terrifying.

Rudy's got my vote, but I did like Ron Paul's video.

I was disappointed to notice Mitt didn't send his greetings. Then again, I reckon his permatan doesn't go too well with a red sweater.