Usually when I do one of these bash-a-celeb pieces (Or pseudo-celeb... celeb-ish? Let's just say an aspiring celeb-adjacent), there's a fairly good chance that people will attempt to defend the celeb's honor. Someone's a fan, someone thinks their actions were justified, someone paid 11 dollars to watch them skulk around a burned-out NYC and feels unless they say something it'll have been in vain, etc.

That will not happen with this piece. It is beyond the realm of even remote possibility.

PHILLY ANCHOR Alycia Lane is scheduled to appear on TV tomorrow night in "Celebrate the Season," an annual special highlighting holiday cheer in the Delaware Valley. Not so fast.

The suits at CBS 3 and the CW Philly may have to reconsider broadcasting the special since Lane was arrested early yesterday on charges of punching a New York City cop in the face.

According to the police complaint, the Emmy-winning anchor yelled at the female police officer, "I don't give a f--- who you are, I'm a f---ing TV reporter, you f---ing dyke," according to Philadelphiawilldo.com, a Philadelphia Weekly blog.

"I'm a fucking TV reporter." Doesn't really carry the weight of, say "I'm the fucking president," or "I'm the fucking anti-christ." Even a "I'm your worst fucking nightmare," would've been better. Sure, it's less specific, but it doesn't immediately conjure an image of you chuckling for no reason before throwing to the "holiday kittens" story.

And c'mon, everyone knows local TV doesn't count. Maybe her Philly cred would've carried weight back in Philly... in the parking lot of her studio... maybe. Not in NY. I'm not sure Katie Couric gets away with a move like this.

The Daily News exclusively reported Lane's arrest yesterday on PhillyGossip.com. She was nabbed at 2:04 a.m. at 17th Street and 9th Avenue in lower Manhattan, said New York City police spokesman Sgt. Carlos Nieves.

Lane, 35, her current honey, Q102 morning host Chris Booker...

Finally! An actual celebrity! That's what I'm talking about.

I bet he giggled and pushed the button on a "toilet flush" sound effect after she hit the cop.

...and another couple were in a cab behind a slow-moving unmarked cop car, the New York Post reported. One of the males jumped out and headed to the police vehicle, screaming, "I don't care if you're a cop, drive faster!" the newspaper said.

They didn't list this guy's profession. I'm gonna guess "full-time genius." He gets grants to just sit around and use that giant brain of his.

The officers got out and identified themselves to Lane and company, and Lane began to take photos, according to the paper. The female cop asked her to step back and that's when Lane lost it, according to the Post.

You just know that on top of everything, she's a shitty photographer but at cocktail parties will bend your ear about her "art" and to tell you how "different the world seems through a camera lens."

Lane was charged with one count of assault with intent to cause physical injury to an officer, Nieves said.

The 10th Precinct officer suffered laceration wounds to her face, Nieves said.

Later in the story Lane's lawyer denies she struck anyone. That's a tough call, credibility-wise: The word of a lawyer vs. physical proof actually scratched into someone's face. Decisions, decisions...

Lane made national headlines in May when the New York Post reported that she had e-mailed bikini photos of herself to married NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen, which upset his wife, Suzy Shuster. Lane said she and Eisen had been platonic friends for 10 years.

What's Suzy's problem? After all, Lane is a TV reporter! It was probably official TV reporter business, civilians never understand that shit.

Besides, who doesn't send their good friends bikini photos. I know I do. It's called being friendly.

Here's a bonus, Lane's CBS3.com profile.

Star Sign: Taurus -- 100%!!!

Dream Interview: Living or Dead: Dr. Condoleezza Rice; Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Surprisingly, the likelihood of these interviews ever happening are no worse than they were prior to the incident.

First TV appearance: 1997 KSNT-TV Topeka, Kansas -- Washington D.C. Correspondent

Probably okay to go ahead and fill-in the "Last TV Appearance" too.

Why I am a journalist: To make a difference in people's every day lives by educating them on the big and small stories that affect us all -- both locally and globally.

"Oh and to loudly announce to people that I'm a journalist midway through a heinous public display. And for the children!"

Number of pets: 2 dogs
Favorite sports team: I'm a Philly girl now -- The Eagles of course!!!
Favorite author: All three Bronte' sisters

Do they put out a fashion magazine?

TheCoolerKing is a broken down, old man

emperorreagan

Baltimore, MD

January 2004

DEC 18, 2007 08:17 PM

While I'm all for anyone that wants to punch a cop in the face, she could've skipped calling her a dyke.