NEWS: "The Machine Girl" Trailer, Better Than Sunshine and Rainbows

CELEB: "The Machine Girl" Trailer, Better Than Sunshine and Rainbows

I am sad. As documented by this very site, I've been blown away by incredible trailers before. And always, after the first look, with the really great ones, there's a hangover. A bleakness, that follows having every part of your body capable of registering enjoyment, do so in overdrive... until they empty out entirely.

That's just happened.


MUCH BETTER VERSION

I'm completely gutted, bereft of any sensations of pleasure. Seratonin levels, fully depleted. Even the "hyperbole" section of my brain has shut down in protest, after my multiple screaming utterances of "This trailer is the best thing about being alive!! I'm not kidding!" Then it was working on reserve power, until my eyes rolled back into my head, bringing darkness, causing me to slip into a temporary coma that only abated when, on my trip to the floor, my finger grazed the track-pad causing the trailer to replay... and revive me. It may've actually saved my life.

Ten subsequent screenings of the trailer have fully revitalized me, and now, I must watch it once an hour or risk death. I couldn't think of a happier way to wind down my remaining forty or so years on the planet.

You know a trailer is amazing when you have a girl with a machine gun arm in it, and it's not even the coolest part. Fuck, they have an actual flying guillotine in it, and I'm not sure that was the best part. Think about that, they made two whole movies about nothing but the flying guillotine, and they were phenomenal... And the guillotine is maybe the fourth best part of this trailer.



I've been waiting twenty years for them to bring the flying G back! I mean, how many baseball movies are there? How many movies are there revolving around a sword? Or a fast car? It's high time we get a full-blown flying guillotine genre and it starts right here. If we also get a murderous spinning drill bra and machine gun arm/with tempura option, genre, so be it.

This is like some hit the jackpot mash-up of Ichi the Killer, The Army of Darkness and everything I care about in the whole wide world.

"Coming Soon" can't come soon enough.



TheCoolerKing wishes he could tell his TIVO that although he loves "The Sopranos" on HBO he's much less excited about watching "The Sopranos" on A&E... So knock it off.

"coming soon?" but i already came!

More gratuitous senseless violence as entertainment! Just what we need! Yeah!

TEMPURA!!!!!!!!!!

I'm there.

It's hardly senseless! Every one of my nerves just lit up like a pinball machine!

Poor TIVO, he doesn't understand...you're going to have to put a password on A&E to get him to stop.

I'm taken back to the days of Final Fantasy VII and Barrett.

My heart swells with this trailer. The rest of the movie could be awful but with these few scenes it'll still be worth it.

I'ts like army of darkness meets a troma movie.

Either way, this..this looks too good to be true.

It looks pretty generic.

I would not put that anywhere near a Takashi Miike or Sam Raimi film.

i <3 ninjas... and tempura

It certainly mops the floor with the Speed Racer trailer

Holy shit. Them is some good trailers.

This looks like a great date movie!!!

That's some heavy meta!

And what, exactly, is not awesome about the Speed Racer trailer?

hahaha when is this coming out? i can't wait to see it

Hahaha honestly, buddy. I wrote it up four days ago. And I thought my take on it sucked, so I held off putting it up (no reflection on the trailer). Here now is my shitty write-up, for free.

Somebody Tell Me If I Liked the Speed Racer Trailer

Because I've seen it eleven times and I'm still not sure... Do I sort of like it? Love it? I don't hate it, that much I can rule out. I guess (deadline aside) I could've just stopped writing right there, right? But that's the thing, I'm not saying it's "only okayish" or "looks so-so." I really don't know what I think of it.

Here's what I'm bringing to this:

I know next to nothing about Speed Racer. I know that the main character's name is, uh, well... I know he's a Speed Racer. Or do they just call him that? I know his car is the Mach 5. And that he races with it. I know... was there a monkey involved? And that's about it.

I have no idea if the original show good. Was it legit good? Or merely nostalgia-based fondness-for-something-subpar good? Was it funny, or more of an action show? Or both? I have the answers to none of these questions.

I also had zero preconceived notions about this new movie. I go into most of these trailer reviews with a pretty good idea of whether I'm gonna love it or hate it. This time my only thought was, "Oh yeah, they made that... I guess I should watch the trailer?"

That sounds like the best way to come into a remake/adaptation. No expectations to be crushed, no prejudices to be overcome, and yet I'm not sure if it worked.



I mean, I really like the Wachowskis, so that helps.

I like that it looks like some weird fever dream that you'd be halfway to describing to one of your friends before realizing, oh yeah, that wasn't a real trailer, that was just some insane dream I had two nights ago... Only it wasn't.

It's real and it's all over the place, combining genres like some fiction mash-up mixed with actors you didn't think were allowed to be in movies like this, and a touch of surreal, hyper-colored images from a modern day Oz.

Tell me this isn't a dream you could've had. It starts out with a bouncy cartoon theme... looking like a light-hearted "fun" experience... everything's bright and neon and candy-coated... then the music gets darker... John Goodman shows up and he's your dad... then, Susan Sarandon? Really, is she supposed to be here? Fights, bad guys, ninjas, a big race... Somebody throw a shuriken. You find out that Christina Ricci's back from wherever she's been for four years...What's going on? Is this good? Bad? Am I awake yet?

Is it possible I know less about the Speed Racer having watched this?

Who liked this and who didn't? I think I did. I'm gonna go watch it again.





TheCoolerKing is pretty sure he liked it. But he could be persuaded to go the other way on it.

Hot damn!! I knew asian movies were crazy (audition, ichi, oldboy, save the green planet), but this is almost topping the cake.
Finger sushi? Death by drill bra?
What next, the kitchen sink of doom?

By the way.... Speed Racer looks terrible. Hollywood/MTV hyper crap. Anyone remember Rollerball?

I will see it, but they sure took some ideas I have seen before.
Planet Terror anyone?
The finger sushi was done before too in Bio-Zombie.
The drill bra is new though.

Well for starters, if you watch it in Quicktime, people look like they were placed into the scene via Comadore 64. Especially that brief casino scene. The lighting looked all fucked up and I pray that they fix that before opening day.

If the Warchowskis are good at anything, it's making the best tasting eye candy on earth, and I think this trailer was pushed out a little prematurely.

I know this movie is aimed at children. It's not a Transformers upgrade that a lot of people are hoping for, and I'm fine with that. Just technical hoo-hah.

On the plus side, the character wardrobes look awesome. Especially the gangsters firing tommy guns at the end.

But still.....Machine Girl? Yeah, she wins over Speed Racer. I'm sorry.

sustenance is trivial when "the machine girl" is on the horizon.