Ask Ryu Hayabusa

Out of the shadows
Terror is what I bring you
Vengence will be mine

Do not be fooled by my sensitive haiku, Ryu Hayabusa is back from the anals of all that is old school to remind you what true ninja combat looks like. Many think that my new game defies all non-ninja adjectives, and you would be completely right. For this unforgivable lack of word availability, I have put my amazing ninja mind to the task of creating a suitable description, after which I sliced the current editor of your feeble dictionary into a thousand pieces. Here is what I came up with: "The new Ninja Gaiden for the X-Box is awesomistic in its portrayal of everyday ninja lifestyles, radtastically bringing you bombfuckingblastic action. Be wary or your mind will become that of melted shit." I know most of you are already aware of this second coming of fucktasciousness, but I thought it pertinent to remind you of it's release a little over a month away, when you will effectively purchase as many copies as you can in order to preserve my totally sweet legacy. In the mean time, the questions that you have will be rewarded with the answers that I give. And since I will refrain from burning anyone alive with my unholy ninja magic this day only, I suggest you make them good.

Ryu Hayabusa
President of Dragon Clan, Inc.

dear ryu,

i was watching x-play one day and saw a preview of your upcoming game. i was wondering, is there anywhere on this blessed intarweb where i can see this and mayhaps other trailers? that would be supercooltastic. thanks.

sincerely,

WhatTheFuckIsGoogle?



[PS - the game looks nifty and a half!]

[Edited on Sep 16, 2003 by userlame]

ninja gaiden back on the old NES was awesome i beat 1&2 but 3 was difficult,im trying find ninja gaiden trilogy for SNES!anyone have it and are willing to sell it?

Dear Ryu, what is the deal with this fucked up rash i got, where did it come from?.....should i be worried?

sincerley.sevenmag

Dear Ryu,

Fuck you for making such a hard-ass game. I wasted many moons trying to save your father from the evil demon. And what do I get? You take your mask off and smile your pretty boy smile, grab your babe and watch the sun rise together. How cliche.

Besides that, your super ninja skills kicked mucho ass. Can you show me a move or two?

My dearest Mr. Lame,

Perhaps this will appease your admirable curiosity. There isn't much room in a traditional ninja training schedule for learning proper computer usage, so you will forgive me if this doesn't work. You will forgive me, or you will be the one who is sorry!

Googley yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
Member of the Year, Shitoru Bathhouse, 2003

That is not a question directed to me and you are barely walking out of here under the power of your own soon to be detached legs. You are also a fool to have gotten rid of such a superior game and do not even qualify for a swift death from the shadows. You will however be mocked from the shadows. Haha!

Stingingly yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
Expelled School Bully, 1984

Anyone wishing to be purified by ninja flame, please stand next to one sevenmag. The answer to your questions, foolish one, are "a whore" and "yes", respectively. I'm a killer, not a doctor. If an impish stone golemn gave it to you, then maybe I could have been some help. Consider yourself finished.

Impatiently yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
A Freaking Ninja, for Christ's Sake


[Edited on Sep 16, 2003 by UnnecessaryZ]

OMFG! this game will be the sole reason I buy a *insert platform here*

i was ADDICTED to it when i was a kid.. i remember when i was 11 we rented it for the weekend, and I cried when my mom wanted to take it back, so she let me keep it another day till i beat it. I rule.

Dear Sarcazmo,

Your initial approach to getting on my good side is indeed unorthodox. If I knew any better, and I do, I would be inclined to believe you want me to demonstrate my deadly moves on you. And I will. Let's soften you up with a little "Art of the Fire Wheel!"

Wrecktastically yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
Minimal Shit Taker

I will slice your cat open in the hopes of uncovering special power ups. Its worked with birds, don't think I won't try cats simply because they are adorable.

Un-ashamedly yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
Licensed Vet

Dear Ryu-

Why oh why is your latest adventure X-Box exclusive? I've been a fan of yours since you first picked up a butter knife, but it appears you've gone to the side of the world-conquerors instead of saving the Earth from powerhungy demons. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US, OH NINJA MASTER?!?!?!

Sincerely,
Longpastbedtime

[Edited on Sep 16, 2003 by Longpastbedtime]

Longpastbedtime said:
Dear Ryu-
but it appears you've gone to the side of the world-conquerors instead of saving the Earth from powerhungy demons. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US, OH NINJA MASTER?!?!?!

Sincerely,
Longpastbedtime

Dear Longpastbedtime

Your fears are nothing but misplaced foolishness. I will never understand why mortal men fear the might of Bill Gates over the might of Sony. Bill Gates is only one man, Sony is many. What makes you think that the miniature hentai loving madmen that run Sony are any less demonic than Big Brother-San? They have lulled you into a submissive state of obedience through the oldest art young one, one that I know all too well, the art of deception. If I must persue my career on a next-gen system controlled by souless compu-men, it might as well be the one with the most power. Oh yes, it has the power. Come with me.

Logically yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
Stock Holder, Microsoft

Are you aware that Shinobi can kick your ass?

Dear Ryu,

Why didnt they put you into Soul Calibre 2 instead of the assclown in a diaper from Tekken?

Ryu,

why is your new game going to be so fuckin good? how do you do it?

Dear Fool,

Have you played the latest incarnation of his game? Do you remember how hard it was? The reason behind that fact can be found in Shinobi's pants, where he keeps his vagina. The game is too hard simply because Joe Higashi is a flying pussy with little to no actual ability to handle Ryu Hayabusa. Also you have the kind of face that says to me "please deposit windmill stars here."

I do it because I love you,

Ryu Hayabusa

ah ryu is from tecmo so i don't think that is possible not many companies are gonna give the rights to there money makers to another company. dead or alive maybe would unless he is already in there never really played it that much so get ya facts right j/k

the nintenod version was a rip off of shinobi thou it was better, great movies add allot to the story.

now the orignal arcade (double dragon beat'em up) rocked nothin like gobblin up steriods for power and beating up a muscle head jason with swords

the arcade was awesome ninjas, great locations, on-coming traffic, goons, swords, drugs it got evertyhin double dragon didn't thou double dragon 2 was cool.

Dear Ryobo,

Your name is very similar to mine, and that excites me. At any rate, the answer which you seek can also be found on the X-Box. Since I am now exclusive property of Microsoft, I would, in theory, be the secret character on the X-Box version, which makes Spawn, not Hiachi, my main competition. As such, he only got the job because I was too busy making an appearance on another fighter with more nubile big breasted women, The Dead or Alive series. The breasts bounce in that game like my old foe Kelbeross, which is to say hard and dangerously.

Peace out,

Ryu Hayabusa
Prize Fighter

Silence you fool! You dare challenge the knowledge of Ryu Hayabusa?! Though in part correct in your response, you are unwise to answer questions directed toward the ninja whose name happens to be at the head of this thread. They want answers straight from the ninja's mouth, not from John Q. McKnow-it-all. The last fool who dared to challenge me now acts as a weapon rack in a most undesirable fashion.

Threateningly yours,

Ryu Hayabusa

Dear Richie,

I apologize for skipping your question, but if you look above this post, you will see business that needed to be taken care of. Business that I've heard you are familiar with. The answer to your question is simple: I do things because I am expected to. My life in the spotlight has become so demanding that I no longer have control over my own destiny. I kill because I am expected to, I do it with skill because I am expected to, and I do it all in the most awesome ways possible because I am expected to. I am a shadowy killer for myself no longer, young Richie, but for you.

Expectantly yours,

Ryu Hayabusa
Indentured Servant

After many, many delays at the hands of the fatally stupid gaijin, my game is coming tomorrow. Rest assured it is as beautiful as a lotus, and has more ass-kicking per meg than one unstoppable night of ninja prison rape. I hereby decree that if this game does not come out tomorrow, and it is late yet one more day, I will crawl into a lightless corner like a bitch...an invisible bitch.

Love,
Ryu Hayabusa


[Edited on Feb 10, 2004 by UnnecessaryZ]

Dear Ryu,
The Prince of Persia is a total fag. Please harm him.

-D.

Dear Prince of Persia,

Nice pajamas. The ladies want to know why you're wearing a top in this one.

- Jeffy

Dear Ryu,

I think that there are post coital circus midgets under my bed.
What should I do?

-Pyroerotica