NEWS: Tom Cruise Scientifically Proven Heterosexual

CELEB: Tom Cruise Scientifically Proven Heterosexual

I just want to remind you, dear reader, that you are in the "Celeb" section of the newswire and what you're about to read is some Tom Cruise gossip.

It was "proven" this week by "Private Investigator" Paul Barresi and reported to the intellectually stimulating rag In Touch, that Tom Cruise is straight.

Let me explain why I put private investigator in quotes. Although I'm sure Paul Barresi is a capable PI, it's interesting to note that he was a porn star before becoming a super-sleuth.

Oh! I almost forgot. Barresi claims to have been John Travolta's lover in the late 1980's.

Perhaps PI Paul is now at the mercy of the Church of Scientology? Perhaps he must atone and spend his time discrediting other men who want money to tell their story of gay love affairs with Tom Cruise?

One reader on the Operation Clambake website transcribed a bit from the actual In Touch article:

Think of how unhappy Cruise and Travolta's lives must be if they are closeted. It's a lot of work to hide your feelings, desires, raise children in a fake marriage and fund an entire church/cult organization.

Rumor has it that Team Cruise is behind this gossip rag article that proves his heterosexuality as a sort of pre-emptive strike. Biographer Andrew Morton is in the process of releasing a tell-all book about Cruise that delves into his secret sex life. But Morton is the one ultimately paying the price. He's currently in hiding because of the intimidation tactics that are being used on him by the Church of Scientology.

I truly hope that this can be an interactive as well as learning experience (for me at least.) I have questions about the importance of Tom Cruise's sexuality in Hollywood. I want us to dig deep and come up with answers as to why he would need to be closeted (if he is gay.) I already know the obvious answer. He's a Hollywood star. Straight women would be disappointed. Straight men would fly off in a violently homophobic rage in the movie theatre. The studios won't let him, blah, blah, blah.

But hiding anything doesn’t seem quite in line with every aspect of Cruise's personality. This is the man who told Brooke Shields to take vitamins for post-partum depression. He called Matt Lauer "glib". If anyone could make gay the new straight, it's Tom Cruise. He practically owns the Church of Scientology. I'm sure that Tom could convince his fellow Level Six-ers that being gay is okay. Don't you think?

I hate to admit that when I'm not out fighting crime or stopping global warming, I really do want to know the details of Tom Cruise's and John Travolta's sex lives. Do they not want to be gay and are therefore denying and repressing it? Are they joining the Church of Scientology to 'make it all go away'? Were they brainwashed by Scientology into thinking that gay is bad and it was too late for them to leave? Do they actively have sex with men and hide it or are they celibate?

Perhaps the closest I'll ever come to an answer is from a stranger on a message board who claims to have inside information:

So, lets see; Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Katie Holmes. I wish I was that gay.

I just don't care if he's gay or not. I'd much rather he get attacked for going around telling people to stop taking their psych meds, or any aggressive tactics by the Church of Scientology he may have played a part in.

that baby is stealing my soul with her stare

SleepyLady said:

Bless you for linking Operation Clambake, but the above exhibits nothing short of a massive ignorance as to the operations of the Church of Scientology.

Simply put, most celebrity members are on a free roll, and rarely get given any kind of information that could be harmful to the CoS. What happens at "Celebrity Centers" is a far cry from what's happening behind closed doors in, say, Clearwater, and just because Tom Cruise is rich and famous doesn't mean he wields any kind of power over the psychos who are really in charge at CoS.

Agreed.

Surely you aren't saying that appearing in porn makes a person somehow untrustworthy?

OMG! You're right about that baby!!!!

Like you'd know.

and yet, i find these women lacking in appearance, espcially kidman and holmes.

Fixed.

Your thetins stink.

Two words: Rock Hudson.

I do not think appearing in porn makes a person untrustworthy. My point was that this particular porn star was involved with many men who are "straight" and Scientologists. He's pissed off the church before and it seems like they might own him.

I have seen a gay porno video that starred antonio banderas and robbie williams,...for the record it was totally un-whack worthy.

where ?

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure...

Or, he could have been a high-level operative of the CoS this entire time, since it's arguable that one of the tactics the CoS uses to keep the influence they have over men like Travolta and Cruise is to threaten them with gay "rumors" whether said rumors are true or not.

Similarly, if you look at the pattern of weird illegal behavior that the CoS has engaged in (Operation Clambake has the skinny on most of them) it is not a stretch to say they might actually have a nutty gay porn star on the payroll as a spear-carrier, as opposed to them having blackmailed him into fulfilling this role for them.

But it seems pretty clear that one of these possibilities is the actual case, and that's business as usual for the CoS.

Well, it's an underground tape that circulates, and Robbie Williams is actually me in disguise.

But it's totally Banderas. Dude loves him some boy bands.

Why is it that the Cult of Scientology continues to receive tax excempt status?

Because they have mastered their Operating Thetans to the point of altering reality, DUH!

*postulates we3_pirate out of existence*

There.

Also: Real answer is that CoS has, along with Vince McMahon and Michael Jackson, some extremely good, extremely amoral sharks as litigators/defense retainers. They have this pincer-and-tail MO of claiming First Amendment tax exemption, but then incorporate to "donate for gift" material that is copywrighted CoS, Inc. So it's a big no-tax business-for-profit where people pay literally tens of thousands of dollars for a few weeks worth of "workshop" time, a shelf or so worth of repetitive, poorly laid-out texts, and if they are lucky, the opportunity to become a CoS wage-slave due to overwhelming amounts of debt.

People sometimes say "You're an atheist, Toku666, don't you think that the CoS and the Catholic Church are basically equally unnecessary ills in the world?"

In part I do; however, I'll worry as much about Vatican City (or the Missouri Synod, etc. etc.) when they start milking their adherents for tens of thousands in a few years in all defiance of reason or regard for said adherent's mental or physical health.

Oh, not again---

---Wait, I'm back.

I'd also like to add that the numerous tactics they've taken to silence critics over the years helps to maintain their status (framing politicians, writers, and former members who have spoken out against them for various crimes, trolling message boards where people discuss Scientology, etc.) have helped to cement their status.

*ahem* ...and for those whose eyes haven't glazed over completely and are still relatively attentive to what we're talking about:

CoS does what's described above like so: At those downtown (or wherever they may be in your city) "info" centers that appear to only have big triangular stacks of "Dianetics," CoS "volunteers" are eagerly waiting to give you personality tests and possibly readings on the Engram machine. Once you've plunked down cash and gotten "Church"-only material, all information you may have given them during interview and Engram readings can and will be used as blackmail against you. It's on record books, but sometimes Googling is frustrating because CoS fights a constant battle to block Googling of the blatant proof of outright criminal activity on the part of CoS.

Damn....I wish I had seen this before. This was exactly what I thought.

This is very,very important news. I'm glad you brought it up.