NEWS: Why Can't I Know What Bush and Gore Talked About? Not Fair!

CULTURE: Why Can't I Know What Bush and Gore Talked About? Not Fair!

Aw, look it's the elected President and the appointed President side by side. It's enough to give me douche-chills. Bush looks like he's trying to smile while shitting his pants and Gore looks as though he is pretending not to smell it.

The photo op happens every year in honor of the American Nobel Prize winners. Even though Bush and Cheney's friends over at Fox think that Al Gore should have given his Nobel Peace Prize to the troops, Bush was cordial to Mr. Gore. Bush was the one that called Gore and encouraged him to show up. He even changed the date so that Gore could attend. And then, King Bush granted Gore 30 minutes of his time for a private chat.

This begs the question. What the hell did those two talk about?

The New York Times continued:

Um, is it just me or doesn't that read like Gore was being totally sarcastic? "Oh yeah, we talked about global warming. Totally. I couldn’t get W. to shut the fuck up about it. Global warming this, climate crisis that, and on and on."

Luckily, I have a friend on the inside and I present this secret transcript of what really went on behind closed doors between Bush and Gore last week.

BUSH: Heh. Heh. (Singing) Gore, Gore, Bo, Bore…Banana Fana Fo Fore--

GORE: Okay. (Forces laugh) Okay. Listen, we only have 28 minutes left so…

BUSH: Oooh. You can tell time. You're a smarty pants. I'm just a dummy who got Cs at Yale. Is that what you mean?

GORE: No. I didn’t mean it that way. It's just that well, the Kyoto--

BUSH: Hey, Cheney's at the doctor and I think I know where he hides the keys to his man-sized safe. Wanna look? You distract his assistant by farting and I'll--

GORE: No. No. Listen, George. We have 25 minutes. About the climate crisis--

BUSH: (Singing) Time is on my side, yes it is!

GORE: I'm just going to talk and you can keep singing if you want to, if that's how we have to do this.

BUSH: Hey, I saw you on "30 Rock". That was pretty funny. Condi explained the references to me. Then I got mad. Was that fun?

GORE: Actually, yeah. Yeah. I liked being on set.

BUSH: Yeah, I want to do that show. I don’t think that Alec Baldwin likes me very much though.

GORE: Well, he didn’t say anything about--listen, George. We're getting off track here. The Arctic is--

BUSH: Oh, look at that. Thirty minutes. Nice talking to you Al. Hey, is that short for Alan or Alexander? I never knew. Never mind, I'll just call you Gorey. Heh. Heh.

Heart-warming. That is so big of the President. Imagine that? He has no hard feelings towards Gore for winning the popular election and then bowing to the Supreme Court in order to put Bush in office.

Here is what Gore told reporters about the meeting:

What's with all the secrecy? Maybe Gore will whisper the entire conversation in someone's ear at an auction a la Carly Simon when she revealed the subject of her song, "You're So Vain." Start saving your pennies if you want to be the lucky bidder. Until then...let's speculate!

Aww, don't hate because your dude lost 7 YEARS AGO.

When will gorites get over it?

When the Iraq War never happened.

Doesn't matter.

Gore won't ever be president. Focus your hatred on something more productive, like choosing a not loser to run in 08. I'm super serial.

edit: besides. My life and the life of my family is considerably better now than it was in 2000, in no small part to Bush. I hold no grudge. I donated to his Library fund.

That's easy for someone who doesn't live in the U.S. to say. Having that mistake as your leader for every single day of those SEVEN YEARS really makes the "Gorites" more resentful and not less.

I'm in the US Air Force, living on a US military installation. I've been deployed in support of the GWoT. I like the man.

Didn't you just "quit" the CE boards because you couldn't handle threads like this?

YES!



and almost immediately they start popping up elsewhere. WTF batman?

i haven't laughed that hard since the bastard got elected in the first place.

and no im not pissed cause my dude lost 7 years ago... im just pissed that the guy i actually voted for has disappointed me for this long. its like watching the bears every year thinking they might actually win it again and being repeatedly beat down.

Gore is a very charismatic man, and I was amused to see him make fun of himself on 30 Rock, that was pretty cool.

But he's not nearly as sore a loser as his fanbois.

And how do your co-workers stationed in Iraq feel? Do they too feel that the quality of their life has improved? Why don't you ask them?

And I am sure Gore's "Environmental Policies" and his "I will do whatever the polls tell me to do" attitude would have really kept us from conflict in a post 9/11 world. I am no Bush Lover, but I would say this: Anyone who believes that this conflict was avoidable does not understand the geopolitical ramifications of the cold war and does not think forwardly, but only in hindsight.

Yes, because we didn't have an airforce before George W. Bush was installed as President. I guess you do owe your improved standard of living to him. Or, you know, to Congress and the American taxpayers, who actually pay your salary and whatnot.

Fine, let me ask my roommate, he just got back. Or how about the 20 guys in my department who got back a few months ago. Or maybe the 20 that are leaving in January?

the guys going in january are ecstatic about it, the guy who got back had a great time.

So what are you trying to get at? We're military, we get deployed. It was the same way before 9/11, just different places. I'll take Iraq over Serbia ANY day.

God bless the ignore feature.

I too debate current events on a pornographic website.

I'm not really debating. I've given no facts, and haven't raised any issues. Debating on here is the single most pointless endeavor I can think of. Nobody is going to change there mind because of what somebody says on the internet. It's THE INTERNET. Serious business right?

Actually he won, but the Supreme Court handed him the election.

Or haven't you ever read a newspaper?

He's not the president. That means he lost.

he's too busy being awesome to care about reality.

Life is simpler like this.

I wasn't really talking to you, but since I have your attention:

Is this you?

You utter imbecile. He won the popular vote, but lost the presidency because the Supreme Court voted along partisan lines to hand Bush Florida's electoral votes. Where the fuck were you in 2000?

Oh wait, you were in the eighth grade. Never mind!