NEWS: Talking Cameras: the Downside of Having Anonymous Sex in Public

CULTURE: Talking Cameras: the Downside of Having Anonymous Sex in Public

I guess that whole "engaging in sex with a stranger in the dark" thing isn't as risk-free as I'd thought.

So it's like a photobooth! With sand. And crabs. And crabs. Do people still get crabs? Can we actually credit "the Brazilian" with eliminating an STD?

Yes, a "pre-recorded verbal warning," aka the most terrifying noise on Earth. Holy shit, that sounds scary. A creepy robot voice jumping out of the dark silence. "ATTENTION!!!! YOU ARE BEING RECORDED. PICK UP WHATS LEFT OF YOUR ERECTION AND DEPART IMMEDIATELY!"

I guess at this point, they might as well have fun with it. Have the machine emit a "wooing" sound effect. Maybe some audience applause. An old man clearing his throat. A guy saying, "Mind if I jump in there?"

Sixty seconds? Who's making love here, triathletes? At 45 seconds I'm done, on my feet, and watching my partner brush sand out of their crotch.

Solar powered... Thank God these creepy cameras, transmitting live footage of gay sex to cops all across Florida, are good for the environment.

If only there were some way to make money with hundreds of hours of footage of men having sex. Damn, that's too bad... maybe a bake sale?

"Hi Carl, we know you've been with us here at 911 for quite some time, and we're happy to have you aboard... I just had a few questions, it says your feed became active at 9:03 p.m., right when the sexual incident in question began and yet you didn't notify deputies until 45 minutes later when your co-worker walked in and discovered you looking, his words, "disheveled and out of breath."

Why does this sound like a five minute hack job for an industrious college kid? A kid who later that day will loudly, and with tear-filled eyes, scream, "Dad? You're supposed to be at work!" While staring into his soon to be smashed monitor.




TheCoolerKing thinks it'd be hilarious if they gave the talking-cameras the voice of Barry White.

Whoa! A self-deprecating joke about how quick you are in bed? That one blew me straight off my feet! Here I was, reading this, thinking to myself what a ho-hum article it was, and then whammo. Uncharted comedic territory right there. Genius.

I lol'd.

I'd prefer the voice of Ben Stein for the cameras not Barry White. Even though Barry White had an awesome voice.

Haha! There's just way too many jokes to be made about this kind of idea!

Sharona, you're not the only one

This is almost like an advertisement for an exhibitionist.
"Someone I don't know will get to watch me have sex...IN PUBLIC?"

Yeah, like vandalizing those won't become a popular past-time.

Reminds me of a book I read. 1984.

Better yet...molesting them!

That's awesome! I won't have to set up the damn tripod myself, for once.

I love that my tax dollars will be spent to produce amateur porn.

So the camera announces its presence before it begins recording? So you have 60 seconds to break it before it starts taping you? Awesome!

Doesn't Martin County have more pressing problems than people fornicating on its beaches at night?

The mind reels at the jokes that are possible.

Is this the same guy who wanted anti-sex port-a-johns that spring open after a certain amount of time?

No, that was the mayor of Ft. Lauderdale, a city in Broward county.

top three contenders for mid-coitus, beach voice-over interrupters:
James Earl Jones
Michael Caine
Bobcat Goldwaith

goodbye to romance

How about Carol Channing?

Joan Rivers?

Fran Drescher?

Wait a minute...first, I am baffled that someone thought coming up with spring-loaded portajohns is a good idea. Second, who the hell has sex in one? Seriously.

Personally, I vote for the use of James Earl Jones' voice. If he got all serious with it, he could easily scare the crap out of someone.

This made my day.

I hope that one of the following scenarios happen:

a) The first public sex incident that's actually caught is a hetero one.
b) The first incident of gay sex that's actually caught is an anti-gay rights politician.
c) Because the cameras are motion activated, the first incident that causes the warning to sound is a child playing frisbee with his parents (or whatever else it is families do at the beach). Then, little Johnny will have lots of questions, I bet.

The likelihood of all three happening: damn near certain.

So funny, I think I peed a little.

i guess sex in florida is just an all around bad idea, hmm?

& yeah, i hope the first "incident" is hetero sex. haha that would be AMAZING.