NEWS: For Fucks Sake, He was Alone in His Room and it Didn't Involve Kiddie Porn.

CULTURE: For Fucks Sake, He was Alone in His Room and it Didn't Involve Kiddie Porn.

A guy in Scotland has been sentenced to three years probation and placed on the Sex Offenders Register for three years, all because he tried to have sex with his bike. The way I see it, as long as it doesn't involve children and everyone participating is legitimately consenting, I don't give a shit what you do in the privacy of your bedroom (or kitchen, or bathroom, or dungeon). Now, granted, bicycles can't exactly consent, but, um--they're inanimate objects. Who cares if some drunk dude privately makes a move on his rig? We all get lonely.

Wow, that sounds uncomfortable in so many ways.

Is it just me, or should the cleaners have apologized quickly, closed the door, and left? I mean, who are they protecting, here? The bike? You know what the bike said, when asked about the experience? Nothing. Bikes don't talk. Also, they don't think, breath, or care if someone gets off on them.

Well, you're a man of the world now, Sheriff. By the way, did you hear about the dude in India who married a dog? That's totally acceptable behavior.

This is BS. To call human sexuality normal in the first place is retarded. Of course we have to prevent those kinks that might harm other people, but anything else should be fair game.

Or are they basing laws on "decency," like Mr. Gonzales tried to do?

Holy shit... What the fuck is wrong with people... By that I mean, everyone in this story. But, probably, mostly the cops and government.

"Fuck you and the bike you rode in on. Better yet, FUCK the bike you rode in on..."

Creepy.

obviously the man isn't the problem, that bike should be locked up for good!

I now dont trust my old Schwinn SuperSport.. That thing is a HUSSY!

curious, they said nothing about whether the bicycle seat was on or off.....

wow that really sucks for that guy.

Many if not most states in the US have sex offender laws that are broad enough to label someone caught urinating in public (i.e. not in a bathroom) a sex offender. This really isn't that odd, although I'd think the tories would be more progressive than us colonists. Personally, I don't give a shit what people do as long as they don't hurt anyone, but that's just me.

poor guy...poor bike....hehe...stupid..he shouldnt get in trouble for that...every person should be allowed to have sex with their bike if they want...maybe if i had a bike...lol..just kidding ...but seriously though...sucks he got in trouble for it and is now laughed at for it...

he use to live in my home town...so im really not surprised.

Does that mean they're going to crack down on people who use a vibrator or blow up doll next ? I mean hell, if you can't hump your own inanimate objects wtf is the world coming to?!

Imagine, Europeans being more sexually repressive than Americans.

The thought of him being is almost as apalling as the offspring

The only conceivable reason I can think of for this is if he was sharing his room at the hostel with others, and they wanted to make some argument about public place, no reasonable expectation of privacy, blah blah.

No...it's still ridiculous.

I both want to ask and don't want to know, and I'm all confued, but . . . HOW?!?!?!

I suck off my Rene Herse Porteur every night.

Yeah, where was he putting his thingie? What orifice was he violating?

Maybe the poor guy just got the whole bi-sexual thing all wrong.... Maybe he enjoyed the stimulation of riding on a cobble stone street and wanted to take it to the next level... All in all, maybe he should have used his right hand instead that would have applied the brakes on that relationship...

I can think of a few more one liners, but I'll save you all from the torture of such bad jokes.

Was he fucking it or just dry humping? Either way...........................................it's not illegal!

Fuck, I'll bet it was a really hot bike...as long as it's not a Schwinn...

Bi-cyctual?

Maybe it was a children's bike.

Schwinn-g!

Me thinks the bike had it comming? I mean what was it thinking wearing that low-cut shirt, showing the top of it's handlebars? It was just begging to be ridden on.

Or... maybe the bike was alive and was a newer model and/or didn't give consent.... We don't have all the facts at this point.