NEWS: Somebody Beat Up Fabio, And That Somebody Was George Clooney!

CELEB: Somebody Beat Up Fabio, And That Somebody Was George Clooney!

Or, maybe Fabio mopped the floor with Clooney.

Holy shit, what? I'm not really a fan of tabloidy shit, but, man, this is just too odd not to write about. I can't imagine a more surreal battle. Big Bird versus Gordon Ramsey, Seinfeld versus David Hasselhoff, Mike Tyson versus Joan Rivers and a poodle... None of those has the ring or the cachet of this battle.

I honestly wish I could write about odd fights every single day of my life. However, this Clooney/Fabio happening so far from the apocalypse makes me wonder if every battle after this one will be anticlimactic? Or, does it mean the apocalypse is actually coming sooner than we thought? I thought Kid Rock versus Tommy Lee was something, but this makes that look like a three-round preliminary bout.

Already, that right there, is super-fucking weird. Picture it. It's nuts... Had the story stopped right there, I'd probably still have written about it.

What? You're sitting with Fabio, what the hell do you care about Clooney for? Take pictures of Fabio eating stuff with his giant cro-mag head! I don't know about the tabloids, but I'd pay 20 bucks for a shot of him eating a baby corn, or slurping some chowder.

Uh, oh. Everybody be cool... I picture Clooney removing his five-o'clock shadow, folding it, and gently placing it on the table, in preparation for the fight.

I'm picturing Fabio opening up a can of "I Can't Believe it's not Whoop-Ass," but then setting it down nearby, just in case.

That's the best part. We have no idea who won! What happened? Is Fabio dead? Is Clooney scarred beyond the limits of his "ruggedly handsome" label? Will he now be refered to as "partially handsome"? Or, perhaps even, "ruggedly okay looking"?

I was leaning towards Clooney but... it's tough. Too many intangibles... Who's older? Does buffoonish-ness impede one's abilty to throw punches? Did Brad Pitt jump in?

The world awaits answers...


Hat tip: defamer


TheCoolerKing honestly thinks he'd have a decent shot of taking out Fabio.

I bet George Clooney carries a knife on him. Several, even.

Money's on Clooney.

Well... ain't that something.

I ♥ Clooney.

Well. You know George is from Kentucky, and he just can't stand there if a man calls him a DIVA. Not that I love him any less. Not that I haven' t fantasized abt beating Fabio myself. Not that I haven't tried....

A little more of the story according to another source:

My moneys on Clooney

"I am Fabio"

but seriously isnt fabio some realy built model? Actualy come to think of it I have no clue how big either of them are so can't judge on this fight

Could George honestly think he could take on this?!?



-TM

Clooney > Bird > Fabio

i heard Fabio's glorious blond locks can be transformed into a whip that can take an eye out.

I'd still bet on Clooney tho.

Fabio's all look and no substance. sure, he might have muscle on him, but i doubt he can actually use them any better than he can install a new hard drive on his computer. on the other hand, something tells me Clooney's a scrapper.

Fabio didn't have to resort to Bat-Nipples.



Clooney may has well spread some I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! all over himself, because he's toast.

-TM

a commoner with a strength of 16 still isn't much of a fight. i bet Clooney's a rogue, too.

They should combine forces to fight terrorism in the name of the Bohemian Club while wearing leather vests, using the N-word liberally, and bumping Brittney. That would be supermacho.

Rad

SHIIIIT...The suspense is killing me!

I bet neither of them actually hit each other, it was probably an exaggerated word fight.

but if it did, my money's on Clooney, Fabio is all talk plus George had his woman with him, and that always makes a man fight harder.

nah, if he was a rogue he wouldn't have confronted him first, just sneak attacked him with a salad fork with +1 strength sapping catalina carefully applied to the tines... I bet he'd have had to argue with his GM about having the foresight to apply his poison before confronting the marauding barbarian too.

I'm sure Fabio had his I can't believe it's not roidrage active, so it could have been anybody's fight.

I'd put my money on Clooney.

He's cooler, at least.

This is hilarious!

Clooney's girlfriend could whip Fabio.

Wow, this was exactly what I needed after a long day at work.

Now, if only video would pop up somewhere.

The mind boggles at Fabio calling anyone a diva.

I think Fabio's in his sixties now..