NEWS: Just Say No to Hugs

CULTURE: Just Say No to Hugs

If you're anything like me, you were grossly traumatized by all of the casual affection you received and were expected to offer in junior high. Looking back, I think it's safe to say that the many hugs exchanged between me and my so-called friends throughout those vulnerable years were responsible for my current sexual dysfunction and social phobias. It was the hugs that led me to drugs, to promiscuity, to a life of self-loathing and crime. That's why I'm glad to hear that the faculty and staff at Mascoutah Middle School in Illinois are working hard to protect their students from themselves. They're taking no prisoners as they strive to all but abolish hugs from the school's social syllabus. They've made an example of one little pervert by the name of Megan Coulter, who was punished with two after-school detentions when caught hugging her friends goodbye at the end of the day.

That's right, displays of affection are against the rules, because tenderness, warmth, and love is what leads to school massacres. Coulter's mom, probably also a pervert and most likely the cause of her daughters troubling behavior, can't wrap her head around the problem.

Glad somebody's having a laugh about this hilarious situation, mom. It's parents like you who are to blame for all of society's ills.

you can't hug your children with nuclear arms.

I dream of a day when I can walk around and see no affection

or fucking smiles, fuck those.

This should be way longer. Three paragraphs? Really?

Welcome to Dick Chaney's America!!!

SOMEBODY out there has a photo of this principal screwing on his desk...and now's the time to come forward.

I blogged about this already, but the mom made her daughter serve out the two days of detention because the only alternative was two days of suspension for not going to detention. The reason the mother cited for her decision was that she didn't want her daughter to get in more trouble.

This is the kind of lesson we're passing onto our kids: even if you think the rules are flawed and wrong, obey them because you'll get in trouble if you don't.

So, next time you're harassed at the airport because you have brown skin or dark hair, or you're paid less than the guy next to you because you're a woman, don't make a stink because you might "get in trouble!"

There's no way my child would ever have detention for hugging. I think I would turn into the crazy mom if this happened.

Its just stupid. Honestly do schools have nothing better to do. Never have hugs ever hurt someone.

Everyone knows the aids are transmitted through hugs.

Cant you see it, though? An entire school of hugging children? A stop must be made.

Except when they've resulted in sexual harassment lawsuits.

It that same slippery slope that gum started. If you don't have hugs for everybody ...

hahaha. love it. i miss the days of truth or dare and spin the bottle....

No, I think the lesson is Choose Your Battles. Is it ridiculous that she was given detentions? Yes, of course. Would it help her more to have a permanent record of her suspension for an inappropriate public display of affection? No, of course not. I would have done the same thing - told my daughter, "You know what? I'm on your side, but serve their ridiculous detentions so you don't get suspended, and we'll fight to get this regulation changed."

Actually, it's nice to see a parent being intelligent and responsible about the situation, instead of just screaming about it, for a change. With everyone yelling about every injustice, it's getting harder and harder to see through to the important issues. It's also a good lesson for the kid - even though it may not be fair, sometimes in life you do just have to suck it up. Who among us hasn't had to deal with an unfair situation at work? Hell, I almost got fired last year because my boss was drinking on the job.

I just googled Dick Chaney with the hopes I could post an album cover or book jacket or blog or something to say, "Yeah...Dick Chaney!" but...no dice.

Guess I could have made my own Dick Chaney "Dick sings the blues" CD cover but whatever.

Anyway, I have to say that when I was in junior high and saw friends hugging and nobody hugging me it made me feel really left out and I wanted to go into "HULK SMASH" mode.

not really, I actually got plenty of hugs in junior high and look at me...still a fucking virgin...thanks a lot hugs for making me a total social outcast who can't get none.

And thanks for stealing my bike in fourth grade....and...and thanks for running over my friend's dog in high school. Thanks a lot Hugs for all that shit you put me through...I never knew how terrible you were until...

Until Mascoutah middle school revealed you and your evil warm affectionate embrace of DOOM!

i guess it depends on the person hugging you. i always feel akward hugging relatives i havent seen in years. i dont even like shaking hands though, i just wave and say hello.

I hate academia more and more every day.

All those liberal tree-hugging (but not people-hugging!) professors at middle schools these days.

WHOO! Yeah! Ban hugging!!!! I fucking hate being hugged. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. Kthanks.

Holy crap...talk about a stupid rule. I think most (if not all) of us had relationships at that age and we held hands, put arms around each other....none of it was "unwanted." OK, except by the parents maybe.


In other news, Rahodeb went to Italy and was traumatized by tourist-hugging gypsies.......

This reminds me too much of Sunydale High.

What's next, ban bullying?

Followed by being devoured by a hellmouth demon dinosaur....

I'd kill for a major "problem" at my school to be hugging.

A majority of the kids at the school should organize a hug-in. Maybe they'll suspend everyone, but I doubt it.

Public displays of affection...BANNED. Lol. Next time I think she should french kiss her friends and say "I'm not being affectionate, I'm just using them for sex."