NEWS: Naked Chocolate Jesus Cries Because You Drink Miller Lite

CULTURE: Naked Chocolate Jesus Cries Because You Drink Miller Lite

The Miller Brewing Company has recently come under fire from conservative Christian groups for sponsoring San Francisco’s annual Folsom Street Fair. The grand finale of San Francisco’s Leather Pride Week, the Folsom Street Fair is an outdoor event where around 400,000 members of the LGBT leather, fetish and BDSM community gather to demonstrate exactly how vanilla my sex life is.

You’d assume that conservative Christian activists would already have roughly a bazillion reasons to be offended by an open-air festival of transgressive, queerlicious, S&M-flavored sexual decadence. However, the organizers of the 2007 Folsom Street Fair apparently thought that “burly tattooed dudes in leather jockstraps flogging and blowing each-other in public” just wasn’t getting enough Jesus freaks aggro, so they decided to up the blasphemy ante.

The official poster for this year’s Folsom Street Fair features a photographic parody of Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous painting of Jesus’ Last Supper, only replacing Jesus with a hot buff black dude (yeah, I know, like Jesus wasn’t already a hot, buff black dude), the Apostles with various members of the San Francisco leather and BDSM community in full fetish regalia, and the food with a big buffet of S&M sex toys including ropes, whips, restraints and a red, fist-shaped dildo.

I mean, who could possibly find that offensive?

After seeing the original version of the poster that included the logos of all of the fair’s sponsors at the bottom, the Catholic League and Concerned Women For America took that bait with a vengeance, announcing a boycott of all of Miller’s various and sundry beers. Or as the ever-quotable Bill Donohue -- one-man hyperbole machine and head of the Catholic League -- phrased it:

The organizers of the Folsom Street Fair defended the poster by claiming that it wasn’t meant to be a religious statement:

Oh, and that Leonardo Da Vinci was a big ol’ homo:

Yes, The Sound Of Music really needs to become even more gay.

Not all religious leaders found the poster to be offensive. A pastor at San Francisco’s queer-friendly Metropolitan Community Church had this take on the issue:

You mean you can be a Christian and not hate gay people? And even hold on to your sense of humor? Someone get that dude his own cable network, immediately.

Of course, not all gay folks approve of the poster. Conservative gay pundit Andrew Sullivan described it as "easy, cheap blasphemy" and suggested that the 2008 poster parody a sacred Muslim scene. Because if there's anything that's hard to come by in post-9/11 America, it's people willing to make fun of Islam.

Miller responded to the brouhaha by asking that their logos be taken off the poster, but not off of the Folsom Street Fair’s website or other promotional material. They also stated that they would continue to sponsor the fair and other GLBT community events:

Or in a nutshell: “We here at Miller don’t give a fuck if you think God hates fags or if you’re a flamingly gay-leather daddy-sex pig, as long as you buy our beer. Please stop emailing us.”

To the surprise of just about nobody, this apology did nothing to calm down those screaming for a boycott, so if your local liquor store no longer carries Miller beer, you can blame Jesus. Or maybe just some of the loudmouths who claim to act in his name.

This isn’t the first time that Miller has been the target of conservative boycotts. Last year reports that Miller was sponsoring a pro-immigration political march caused an Internet’s worth of anti-immigration yokels to freak the fuck out.

While I’m not a drinking man, the thought of “Miller Time” becoming “Sneak Into America And Then Have Raunchy Fetish Sex With Another Dude Time” is almost enough to get me to fall off the wagon. Or get tied to the wagon.

While I’m waiting for Miller to further pander to my liberal socio-political worldview by announcing its new “I (Heart) Abortions, Marijuana, Evolution and Welfare” line of cheap-ass beer, at least I can get my fill of delicious blasphemy with the long-awaited resurrection of The Naked Chocolate Jesus.

Officially known as either "Sweet Jesus" or “My Sweet Lord”, The Naked Chocolate Jesus is a sculpture by wacky Canadian artist Cosimo Cavallaro (also known for his performance art pieces that can best be summed up as “Can you put cheese on that?”) that depicts a life-size, anatomically correct and loincloth-free Jesus Christ being crucified on an invisible cross. Oh, and it’s made from about 200 pounds of milk chocolate. Because, you know, it’s art:

MC 6 Ft. Naked Jesus was originally going to make his debut in the New York City art scene back in April, when a gallery announced that it was going to display “My Sweet Lord” in its street-level front window between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday. After the predictable storm of outrage forced the gallery to cancel the exhibition, “My Sweet Lord” went into storage in a Brooklyn warehouse, where hungry mice snacked on its appendages. Yes, here in the Big Apple, even the rodents have opinions about what art is, or at least what it tastes like.

However, you can’t keep a religious icon’s life-size chocolate penis down for long. Cavallaro has cast a brand new version of “My Sweet Lord”, which will soon go on display in another Manhattan art gallery. This time it’ll be accompanied by Cavallaro’s recent chocolate sculptures of various (clothed) Catholic saints in an exhibition entitled “Chocolate Saints…Sweet Jesus”. Even though this new exhibition kicks off on All Saints Day, the groups that protested the previous exhibition apparently are too busy boycotting fetish-friendly beer to raise a fuss this time around.

Well, after all this talk about beer and chocolate and leather daddies and Christianity made me hungry. I just hope my local deli still has licorice whips in stock.

Hey,I'm a Christian that doesn't hate Gays-or anybody-and I have a sense of humor........can I get my own Cable Network too?

I'd be worried if the supply of a beer that wasn't just another generic, one step away from water American beer was in danger. Sure, it's great that Miller is pandering to leftist causes and not taking shit for it, but they'll have to make a better product before I'll buy it out of gratitude.

Aww... I couldn't see the picture

I haven't had Miller beer in a long ass time (I mean, it sucks after all).....but this weekend I am buying some MGD.

Corona all the way,baby!

Is Grupo Modelo associated with Miller? (I mean, other than producing weak beer?)

If you want a good Mexican beer, try Bohemia.

You shouldn't have to add a wedge of lime to make your beer taste good.

no worries I'm ok with this all. maybe next time be sure we some more jesus like beer but hey chill out folks god and beer are a natural fir. cheer the beer jesus

.............................

You totally owe me a beer.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I see the slight similarities between the images but I was really expecting it to really look like The Last Supper.

The Catholic Church really stretched on this one. I wonder why they don't take such a strong stance against the homosexuals who work at their churches?

Maybe they rationalize that god can forgive and understand homosexuality if it's between a priest and a young boy....but gross, nasty, "man-to-man" sex is consensual and therefore an abomination.

That's the high life right there!

You know what though? Who's could be a bigger fan of BDSM than a guy who willingly submitted himself to torture and bondage for the sake of his friends!?

I'm torn. On the one hand, I am all for annoying conservative bible-humpers, including the fact that one of the Great Christian Paintings of all Time was done by someone who enjoyed giving the odd reach-around.

And yet, boycotting the crap that is Miller Beer seems a good cause too.

"How's American Beer like making love in a canoe?"

Sorry about that. The Folsom Street Fair folks keep changing the image since apparently a whole bunch of rightwingnut blogs keep linking to the poster..

Thanks to TheGringo it should work now.

I'm pretty sure you need a sex life to even have a vanilla sex life, FYI.

the poster is brilliant.

TheGringo said:

Clidna said:
Aww... I couldn't see the picture

.............................

You totally owe me a beer.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I see the slight similarities between the images but I was really expecting it to really look like The Last Supper.

The Catholic Church really stretched on this one. I wonder why they don't take such a strong stance against the homosexuals who work at their churches?

Maybe they rationalize that god can forgive and understand homosexuality if it's between a priest and a young boy....but gross, nasty, "man-to-man" sex is consensual and therefore an abomination.

You could be on to something there...
Thanks, and here's your beer BTW; unfortunately, it's left over from St. Patty's Day

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I had Christianity force fed to me and every now and then I have a Tourettes like syndrome towards "other" types of people.

Also I think Budweiser sponsored North Halsted Days ...so I wonder what is a manly man's beer?

i drank a miller lite tonite...

Wait...people drink Miller Lite?

well hell, i was brought up as a catholic, and we have some many homo priests in ireland you could throw a stick in any direction and hit one. What gives there, huh.

lol.

Tru dat.

I do agree that Christian fundamentalists are a little over-sensitive to parody, but I also see where they are coming from. Christianity is singled out in this country for derision and ridicule, while other religions rarely get such treatment (I also understand why that is, but still...). It can be a little frustrating.

That said, as a Christian, I still thought this was funny.

I am totally unbiased in my ridicule of all organized religion.