As is probably obvious by this point, when I'm not bashing untalented celebs or geeking out over ferocious looking trailers, I enjoy a nice "civilian strikes back at evil," story. Hey who doesn't? Jerks, that's who.

Today, it didn't take me long to find one.

He was carrying a gun with intent to rob. She was behind the till at a Tesco petrol station.

With the odds so heavily in his favour the gunman must have thought the next few seconds would be a breeze. He had not, however, allowed for the formidable Linda Faulkner.

Instead of surrendering the £15 cash from her till, the 51-year-old turned to the raider and told him she was too busy to deal with him.

I just got on with it," she said. "British people don't stop work just because someone is trying to bully us with guns."

Holy shit, they don't? I stop work if I spot a paper clip that needs bending.

Jurors heard that Collinson walked into the petrol station in Cheltenham at around 8pm on February 12 and put a chocolate bar on the counter in front of cashier Hayley Holder.

But instead of pulling out his wallet to pay he produced a red drawstring bag, told her he had a gun and ordered her to fill the bag with money.

Red drawstring bag? That is one fancy thief. I hope he remembered to dump the emeralds out first.

Brendon Moorhouse, prosecuting, said: "He then placed down what appeared to be a gun.

"Miss Holder started to do what he told her and put the notes from the till into the bag. Then when he pointed the gun at her, she started to put £1 and £2 coins into the bag. He added, 'The other till as well', pointing to Linda Faulkner's till."

But when Miss Holder went over to her colleague, Miss Faulkner flatly refused to put her till money in the red bag.

Miss Faulkner, a mother of one, said: "Hayley came over to me with this red bag and said, 'You've got to put money into it'.

I said, 'Whatever for?' She said, 'Because there's a man with a gun'. I said, 'I'm sorry, he'll have to wait, because I'm busy'. At the same time I thought I'd better press the panic button. I just carried on serving and ignored the man. I was just absolutely numb.

You know who I feel sorry for? Mrs. Holder, who has to spend the next eight weeks hearing about how awesome her co-worker is.

So, not too bad, right? CiviIian triumphs over bad guy, that should do it. I'll just start writing it up and- OH MY GOD... I see this story:

Fair warning, criminals: Do not mess with Hafize Sahin.

Not letting her slight frame deter her, Sahin wielded an ax against a masked man who tried to rob her at gunpoint on Saturday, swinging with gusto at the would-be robber before he fled empty-handed.

"I said, "Get out, get out!" recalled Sahin, who was back at work at the register Tuesday. "I didn't want to hit him. I just wanted him to get out of here."

What. The. Fuck. She brought an ax to a gun fight... and won. Think about that, most people would be hesitant to swing an ax, period. Not her. Bad guy goes gun, she goes ax.

I'll put it this way, "ax" is like the second thing you pick up in a video game. It beats "fist" and "lead pipe" and it takes you an hour to kill someone with it. Gun is the biggest weapon you get, and you use it to take out bosses.

If this were that scene in Pulp Fiction, Bruce Willis would grab and put down items in the following order: hammer, baseball bat, then ax, chainsaw, samurai sword, and finally, gun, which he would never, ever put down.

The diminutive clerk -- somewhere shy of 5 feet tall and just 90 pounds -- was behind the counter at her family's business, Southaven Convenience on Montauk Highway in Brookhaven, about 8 p.m. when the man, his face covered with a bandanna, walked in, stuck a gun in her face, and demanded cash.

A store surveillance video, released Tuesday by Suffolk police, shows Sahin, wearing a long dress and a headscarf, stalling the intruder for several seconds, pecking at the cash register and searching with one hand for a panic button.

Suddenly, she grabs a 2 1/2-foot ax from under the counter, cocks it over her narrow shoulder, and takes a half dozen chops at the man, even reaching over the counter at her 6-foot target. The frightened intruder steps back and aims his gun again. But apparently confused by the onslaught, he then runs out the door with Sahin in pursuit to the parking lot.

This woman is my fucking hero. Seriously, Hafize, I'm a little bit in love with you. Oh and if you're unsure about clicking the link. THERE'S VIDEO OF HER SWINGING THE AX! AT THE GUN!

There you go... On any other day Miss Faulkner would have gone unchallenged in her bad-assness, little did she know that today was the day the world's coolest person would swing an ax at a bad guy.

TheCoolerKing is gonna go browse the ax aisle at S-Mart

scylis

USA

November 2004

OCT 24, 2007 08:12 PM

little did he know that she's actually half Lumberjack.

12AngryBadgers

Winston Salem, NC

May 2004

OCT 24, 2007 08:17 PM

"Shop smart..."

Vestril

Coronado, CA

February 2003

OCT 24, 2007 08:34 PM

This is fantastic. I love women.

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA

February 2004

OCT 24, 2007 08:40 PM

I said, 'Whatever for?' She said, 'Because there's a man with a gun'. I said, 'I'm sorry, he'll have to wait, because I'm busy'.

British people are great.

Awesome article.

CancerSticker

Austin, TX

February 2007

OCT 24, 2007 10:19 PM

if she was 6 inches taller that dude would have caught that ax with his forehead.. I'm impressed.

PaulNikon

Melbourne, FL

February 2003

OCT 24, 2007 10:23 PM

I understand how that little island ruled the world.

Heraclitus

Denver, CO

December 2006

OCT 24, 2007 11:05 PM

Seriously, the ax video is the coolest thing I've seen all week. And I went on a zombie walk a few days ago.

Clidna

Canada

January 2005

OCT 24, 2007 11:28 PM

The whole article was great, but this...

I just got on with it," she said. "British people don't stop work just because someone is trying to bully us with guns."

Holy shit, they don't? I stop work if I spot a paper clip that needs bending.

...really, really tickled my funnybone!

Drake

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 25, 2007 01:34 AM

How is this idle movie gossip?

ki1

Ireland

September 2007

OCT 25, 2007 01:38 AM

Shit! That Hafize Sahin, kicks some arse. I'm speculating here, but looks like the guy with the gun was weighing up wether he would just pull the trigger or not. Or the gun wasn't real. Or it wasn't loaded. Brave but dumb.

OrderedChaos

United Kingdom

September 2007

OCT 25, 2007 02:05 AM

Brendon Moorhouse, prosecuting, said: "He then placed down what appeared to be a gun.

Maybe British people "don't stop work" because our gunmen (stupidly) "place down" their weapons instead of pointing them at people. Also, Miss Faulkner doesn't really 'stand up' to the gunman, she just casually disregards him whilst her colleague shits up. And with the Daily Mail as a source... *tut-tut*

Domo_Kun

Rockford, IL

March 2005

OCT 25, 2007 04:45 AM

PaulNikon said:
I understand how that little island ruled the world.

Through the cunning use of flags, of course.

Mankarlen

Columbia City, OR

June 2006

OCT 25, 2007 04:46 AM

In this country they would shoot you, take the money and run.

ki1

Ireland

September 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:14 AM

Domo_Kun said:

PaulNikon said:
I understand how that little island ruled the world.

Through the cunning use of flags, of course.

and local informants.

CherryCoke

Derry, NH

May 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:24 AM

I went after some road rage guy with an empty soda bottle once.
Definitely not as cool as an ax though.

Evilgasm

Netherlands

April 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:34 AM

CancerSticker said:
if she was 6 inches taller that dude would have caught that ax with his forehead.. I'm impressed.

+1

That ax was almost as big as her! Definitely not a girl you want to piss off! She rocks!

attn_ho

Brooklyn, NY

February 2004

OCT 25, 2007 05:36 AM

Drake said:
How is this idle movie gossip?

you just dont get it do you?

these stories are being filmed in real time...

without cameras!

CancerSticker

Austin, TX

February 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:48 AM

Mankarlen said:
In this country they would shoot you, take the money and run.

Geography is not your friend. Ax girl is from Suffolk County on Long Island... which happens to be in New York... which happens to be in this country.

MikeofEvil2

United Kingdom

September 2003

OCT 25, 2007 06:43 AM

To be fair, there is the county Suffolk in the UK as well. I'm from there, although since it's only famous for the fastest-killing serial killer in this country's history and a nasty incident of bird flu, I don't advertise that much these days.

bellabrunette

Ferndale, MI

January 2007

OCT 25, 2007 10:25 AM

What. The. Fuck. She brought an ax to a gun fight... and won.

that will most likely be the funniest line i hear today. thank you!

meatpieboy

Korea, D.P.R.

June 2004

OCT 25, 2007 10:41 AM

Sweet.

mingol

Singapore

July 2005

OCT 25, 2007 11:46 AM

Marvellous!

Veloxmortis

USA

February 2006

OCT 25, 2007 11:53 AM

Kick ass. Battle Axe for the win!

lokimonster

Mastic Beach, NY

April 2005

OCT 25, 2007 05:50 PM

that store is right around the corner from my house (the one in Brookhaven)
I could get her number for you.

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NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

OCT 24, 2007 06:54 PM

USA

November 2004

OCT 24, 2007 08:12 PM

Winston Salem, NC

May 2004

OCT 24, 2007 08:17 PM

Coronado, CA

February 2003

OCT 24, 2007 08:34 PM

Los Angeles, CA

February 2004

OCT 24, 2007 08:40 PM

Austin, TX

February 2007

OCT 24, 2007 10:19 PM

Melbourne, FL

February 2003

OCT 24, 2007 10:23 PM

Denver, CO

December 2006

OCT 24, 2007 11:05 PM

Canada

January 2005

OCT 24, 2007 11:28 PM

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 25, 2007 01:34 AM

Ireland

September 2007

OCT 25, 2007 01:38 AM

United Kingdom

September 2007

OCT 25, 2007 02:05 AM

Rockford, IL

March 2005

OCT 25, 2007 04:45 AM

Columbia City, OR

June 2006

OCT 25, 2007 04:46 AM

Ireland

September 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:14 AM

Derry, NH

May 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:24 AM

Netherlands

April 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:34 AM

Brooklyn, NY

February 2004

OCT 25, 2007 05:36 AM

Austin, TX

February 2007

OCT 25, 2007 05:48 AM

United Kingdom

September 2003

OCT 25, 2007 06:43 AM

Ferndale, MI

January 2007

OCT 25, 2007 10:25 AM

meatpieboy

Korea, D.P.R.

June 2004

OCT 25, 2007 10:41 AM

Singapore

July 2005

OCT 25, 2007 11:46 AM

Veloxmortis

USA

February 2006

OCT 25, 2007 11:53 AM

Mastic Beach, NY

April 2005

OCT 25, 2007 05:50 PM