NEWS: Meet the Douchebag!

CELEB: Meet the Douchebag!

You may've heard that noted creep and "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis is in jail. Apparently the charge was guilty of being a piece of shit? I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. Now, instead of just ducking his head and going about his douche-battle for freedom in privacy, he's created a website hoping to win you over.

It takes a lot for me to side with with religious wack-jobs, and the ones going after Francis have somehow managed the task.

The site is loaded with goofy "headshots" which do their best to portray Francis as a charming, fun-loving dude. Not the kind of "head shots," I'd hope we'd be talking about in a story involving Francis, but, hey you can't have everything...

The site contains a section detailing His Story. It is 18 pages long. Eighteen. Surely the heroic act of him having been born and all his legendary deeds since that fateful day, could've been relayed in, oh, some number less than 18 pages? I think so.

There's also a photo gallery, for all your Joe Francis-photo needs. Like, for example, if you were a particularly unscrupulous charades player, and you needed to get your team to say, "shit-bag," you could point to one of these photos.

There's also a FAQ section. Here's me taking cheap shots at that section:

Wow, I really feel sorry for those people who got to witness the signing of the Magna Carta or the creation of the Mona Lisa, or more recently, those who watched the great Muhammad Ali in the ring. It really is a shame they don't let you pick the "legendary moments" to witness. Sad, how they were forced to go through life, so much the poorer for never having heard the tale of Joe's momentous feat.

Also, he "loves being creative," and yet it took him over several hundred tries to come up with the title, "Girls Gone Wild." But, remember, he loves being creative.

Ah yes, alcohol and drug-fueled, instantly regrettable, underage... freedom. Oh, you girls and your endless desire for attention! Joe sure has figured it all out.

Awwwwww! Right ladies? Such a softie!

Fucking high five, brah!

Yes, because that's the only situation where you'd ever learn that lesson.

Who's asking these question, a fucking six-year-old? Hey, Joe, have you ever met a real live fireman?

See folks, completely fabricated situations don't lie. This fictional gentleman from made-up-land would surely attest to that.

Joe goes on to describe how women are like cats, explain which part of the country has the hottest chicks, and talk about his desire to have a family.

The most shocking thing about all of this? He actually built this site to help his cause.



TheCoolerking seems to be drinking far too much coffee lately. He also sometimes types the word "coffee," when he means, "whisky."

Speechless in Austin...

This article gives me a "glass house" feeling. It's not like I joined this site for the great articles.

Um, I'm certainly no fan of "Girls Gone Wild" or Joe Francis, but your entry lacks the slightest scintilla of journalistic or even intellectual integrity. You would do well to think twice and construct a cogent, coherent argument before pressing the "Send" button next time. And schooling yourself in English grammar wouldn't hurt, either.

It's a shame he and the guy from "The Pickup Artist" haven't worked together.

Before you chastise people for their grammar, you should learn how to use paragraphs.

Fucking lighten up.

Being the cave dweller that I am, I have never heard of Joe Francis... is this the guy PT Anderson based the Tom Cruise character in Magnolia on?...

Well, it's not like tmronin or Cherry goes to bars and shoots random chicks when they're drunk either. There's a pretty significant difference, I think.

Perhaps not. But I can find plenty of sets on here of girls with liquor bottles. It may not be reality but it's still something that is frequently portrayed.

i gotta say, i somewhat agree with bily, from ann arbor. does suicidegirls.com have that much room to talk? are they and 'girls gone wild' conceptually that different? i've noticed this before in some other articles; it seems like everyone knows there's naked girls to be oogled at on SG.com, except for those who write these "news" stories on SG.com. a little self-awareness would do you guys some good. this is such a weak editorial imitation of the onion...

No, no of course it's not because of your job where your going to make her rich and famous if she just...

But I'll say the new infomercials about food processors and those 2 really short twins selling real estate aren't quite as entertaining. Just sayin'.

You're missing the point. It's not that the girls were drinking when they got their naked pictures taken. It's that in GGW the girls are drinking when they give their consent to have their pictures taken and then they are taken right then while they are still intoxicated. When someone takes a set on SG, they have plenty of time to decide whether or not it's something they really want to do. It's truly consensual. One cannot always say the same for GGW, as evidenced by the fact that Francis continually runs into these types of legal issues.

you're kidding right? they're "disgusting" for wanting to show off their goods, but somehow you're not?

This guy really is a douche bag. I can't stand him.

Someone owns a large collection of girls gone wild tapes!

Someone else does too!

Seriously boys, if you don't notice the difference between GGW and SG, then you're not paying attention, and obviously only see nudity as something to jack off to.

Not to mention the fact that SG has, depending on your standards, some level of class. The photographs are usually artfully done and all photo sets go through an approval process, not to mention the fact that the girls themselves must rise to certain standards. On the other side of the fence, GGW hires doucheterns (douchey interns) to find and film wasted sorority girls at sleezey nightclubs and then sexually assault or rape the really drunk girls on their bus.

That Joe Francis is beyond egotistical freakshow Just reading the front page is like watching Joe Francis give himself slow, yet ferocious oral pleasure .

Seachelles,

You said the girls in your town were lining up to get into the bar...were they already too drunk to comprehend what they were getting themselves into? Just because you think your boobies are worth more than a t-shirt doesn't mean other people shouldn't be able to whip theirs out for whatever compensation they deem acceptable...There are plenty of things about this toolbox, Joe Francis to be upset about without insulting other women who exploit their sexuality just like you do...

I will have you know (from my experience in FL with my girlfriend), they offer the t-shirt, and if you say "no," then they really up the ante and offer to throw in a hat too. Bonus.

I mean, that's gotta add up to almost $6 out of their pocket in exchange for a full-use release. How can you say no to that?!?!

But yeah, I'd imagine most girls feel stupid afterward for getting naked (whether in the club or in the parking lot on the bus they invite you to) for some stupid clothing.

I was actually shocked at how many girls did go in the back of the club and out to the tour bus (including one of our friends).

Ah, memories.