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Tallboy66

Tallboy66

Chicago, IL
January 2005

SEP 26, 2007 04:50 PM

JunkyardAngel said:



I would argue that they aren't about men being asshole...nobody really needs to be reminded that men are assholes.



Most men are not assholes. Maybe people should be addressing the issue of why women CHOOSE assholes (specifically women who repeat a pattern), and then are surprised or angry that the assholes they chose are. . .assholes.

And before y'all hop on your "victim basher" soap boxes, read what I wrote and reply to that. Don't just infer your own meaning and go on a rant.

I have found that (in practice) teaching girls to advocate for themselves and how to make smart choices goes a much longer way towards empowering them than simply agreeing that yes, all of the guys you date (mary, etc) are assholes, life sucks, what pigs - does.

(And this is in addition to reporting and dealing with abusers.)


(If the above looks choppy or repetitive it is because the board (or my comp?) keeps going all wonky!)



I like you, at least your thinking.

That is part of the problem if not the whole.
If it's about womens choice then why do they choose that. (Abusers, etc.)

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

SEP 26, 2007 04:51 PM

Tallboy66 said:
That is part of the problem if not the whole.



Yr saying that men hitting women is not the problem?

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

SEP 26, 2007 04:55 PM

Here's a tip: If your boyfriend is actively trying to get you pregnant against your will -- STOP FUCKING HIM!

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

SEP 26, 2007 05:01 PM

StarBelliedBoy said:
Here's a tip: If your boyfriend is actively trying to get you pregnant against your will -- STOP FUCKING HIM!



Because obviously it's easy to stop doing what an ABUSIVE PARTER tells you to do.

lefthandright

lefthandright

New Zealand
September 2006

SEP 26, 2007 06:09 PM

the statics are universal. In relationships which involve the male being tormented or abused the statistic still remains of the abuser(in this case female) performing acts like collecting used condoms for sperm storage,...falsely stating they were on birth control, drug inducing and sperm harvesting...this topic takes a female victim/male abuser stance...but the statics are still true in the reverse....it simply speaks of another level of control abusers take to try and control their victims.
a lot of people seem to feel that bitch ph.d is rather negative towards men. If you read the articles she writes about on this site, then you will realise it is about abusers...if you are male and not an abuser, then i don't see why you should feel offended..or feel she is attacking males...she is attacking male abusers. There is a big difference.
The only shame about the articles is that they are on s.g. which is not the biggest forum in the world...to most people here it is just a titty site and they would never read the articles..also on a reverse edge, a lot of pro feminine organisations would damn her for being on such a site which displays openly naked women with the mantra "we redefine....." her commentary would have a larger impact on a bigger forum....it would also have more cred if not on a site of where some of its former members have actively spoken out about being verbally abused and called "stupid sluts who'll strip $300" ..to comment on abuse on a site of where members have spoken of such abuse only reaffirms that her articles are on the wrong site.

Uncognitive

Uncognitive

Brooklyn, NY
May 2003

SEP 26, 2007 06:54 PM

JunkyardAngel said:
Most men are not assholes. Maybe people should be addressing the issue of why women CHOOSE assholes (specifically women who repeat a pattern), and then are surprised or angry that the assholes they chose are. . .assholes.

And before y'all hop on your "victim basher" soap boxes, read what I wrote and reply to that. Don't just infer your own meaning and go on a rant.

I have found that (in practice) teaching girls to advocate for themselves and how to make smart choices goes a much longer way towards empowering them than simply agreeing that yes, all of the guys you date (mary, etc) are assholes, life sucks, what pigs - does.



You're assuming that men who happen to be abusive assholes aren't also able to hide their abusive behavior during the early stages of a relationship.

So saying "Why do women choose to enter into relationships with abusive assholes?" is besides the point. Finding out why women stay in abusive relationships is question that applies more to the real world.

timjbjr

timjbjr

I'm lost
February 2004

SEP 26, 2007 07:05 PM

SimpleSimon said:
One of my friends became pregnant after what we all thought was a condom "accident" but as it turned out later, the baby's daddy pricked the condom before hand. It happens incredibly often in abusive relationships. Its absolutely sick. Especially the way the government doesn't help at all.




there is enough govt involvement in our lives. what exactly are you proposing? forcing assholes too " just be nice"? what world do you live in?

Shakyamuni

Shakyamuni

I'm lost
December 2006

SEP 27, 2007 01:03 AM

Uncognitive said:

JunkyardAngel said:
Most men are not assholes. Maybe people should be addressing the issue of why women CHOOSE assholes (specifically women who repeat a pattern), and then are surprised or angry that the assholes they chose are. . .assholes.

And before y'all hop on your "victim basher" soap boxes, read what I wrote and reply to that. Don't just infer your own meaning and go on a rant.

I have found that (in practice) teaching girls to advocate for themselves and how to make smart choices goes a much longer way towards empowering them than simply agreeing that yes, all of the guys you date (mary, etc) are assholes, life sucks, what pigs - does.



You're assuming that men who happen to be abusive assholes aren't also able to hide their abusive behavior during the early stages of a relationship.

So saying "Why do women choose to enter into relationships with abusive assholes?" is besides the point. Finding out why women stay in abusive relationships is question that applies more to the real world.



WHY DO THEY CHOOSE ABUSIVE MEN? That's hysterical.

This has been studied fairly thoroughly, and most studies couldn't find a common psychological factor. There is a slight amount of evidence that being sexually abused in childhood puts a woman at greater risk for a DV relationship, but this is by no means a strong causal factor.

Most DV isn't like a Lifetime miniseries. It's less frequent, and the violence comes out over years, not weeks. The kind of offender most people think of when they think of DV is really only a reality in about half of cases. The other half are high-conflict couples where both have difficulty controlling their emotions. In the cases where the guy is a complete asshole, he puts a lot of careful effort into breaking down the woman emotionally, socially, and financially, as well as physically. There are relationships that are clearly DV where the man never has to throw a punch. This usually occurs slowly, over time, so its barely perceptible to the woman.

When I was in graduate school, one of the books for my DV treatment class was called "It could happen to anyone." (LaViolette). It really can. We want to believe it wouldn't be us . . . we would never find ourselves there . . . but you simply can't say that. After you listen to story after story, you come to understand that you're not stronger, or better. You're just fucking luckier.


Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

SEP 27, 2007 05:14 AM

timjbjr said:

SimpleSimon said:
One of my friends became pregnant after what we all thought was a condom "accident" but as it turned out later, the baby's daddy pricked the condom before hand. It happens incredibly often in abusive relationships. Its absolutely sick. Especially the way the government doesn't help at all.




there is enough govt involvement in our lives. what exactly are you proposing? forcing assholes too " just be nice"? what world do you live in?



Did you will yourself to be that ignorant or does it come natural?

What about greater subsidies for women's shelters, so that leaving one's husband doesn't look like a one way ticket to skid row? Or taking a hard line stance against police departments that routinely ignore domestic violence? Or job training/placement for newly single mothers? After all, single mother households account for over half of all households living under the poverty line. So clearly that is a segment of the population that is harming our economy. It would, in fact, be an economic boon to the country to help such women.

LostLucy

LostLucy

USA
December 2006

SEP 27, 2007 07:05 AM

This study highlights this abusive phenomena and what is even more tragic is what happens down the road when they ARE pregnant with this type of idiot's spawn:

Pregnant women overall are more likely to be victims of domestic violence than non-pregnant women stats

and

women with abusive partners are at greater risk for homicide during and after pregnancy than those who stay


so sounds like that idiot who pushes for the pregnancy finds that this indeed does not make him "happy"

frown

Tallboy66

Tallboy66

Chicago, IL
January 2005

SEP 27, 2007 01:44 PM

Cigarette said:

Tallboy66 said:
That is part of the problem if not the whole.



Yr saying that men hitting women is not the problem?



I am saying that's a problem but a problem is also why women choose those type of guys.

Bitch_PhD

Bitch_PhD

I'm lost
February 2007

SEP 27, 2007 02:59 PM

tech29 said:
Can I ask you a question Bitch_Phd. Does sitting around all day telling the world how fucked all men are to women all the time convince you that somehow you are doing society a service. I do realise your suppose to write about womens issues on here it is why you were hired.

But ever thought of writing about women in a way that questions some women's actions or decisions. Basically tell a story about women showing a negative affect. Like a crack whore who microwaves her baby in a druged haze. I suppose you would interpret it as a patriarchal societies fault for oppresing her into cooking her kid. Or mabe a women who claims rape when she was never sexualy assualted by the man in question but did so out of a vindictive agenda, so the poor bastard is guilty till proven innocent in our society.

For once I want you to write a story that shows a woman as the criminal and the man another women or children as the victim then try to temper your withering disdain for thease women, like you do for the men you write about. Do you actually believe that females never ever lie about being raped and when they do what it does to the real sexual assault victim, and never abuse children or cause ireperable harm to others, as your bias towards victim women and not the criminal and negligent females suggest otherwise.

This rant comes from a Man whose female friend's 8 yearold son was beated and battered by his Fathers girl friend on the weekend with her hand bag and has a big ole' fat black and blue eye. She got arrested and the child protection policewoman told the mother satisticly speaking, in the western world 49% of child abuse victims were at the hands of women.

I was shocked as I had no Idea that many children were abused by our fairer sex.
If this rant seems inappropriate or offends and anger's some people on here... good because i'm fucking sick and tired of Bitch_Phd's repetative abusive men articles when I spent the weekend consoling a friend with a crying beaten up 8 yearold because some cunt of a women didnt like him answering back.



You know what, defensive guy? Those stories get written ALL THE TIME by OTHER PEOPLE.

When the mainstream media starts covering reproductive and women's rights issues with the same fervor that it goes after the Susan Smiths and Andrea Yateses, then I'll stfu.

Untiil then, bite me.

And anyone else who wants to turn a post about domestic violence into a referendum on me, personally, can bite me as well. Way to focus on the really important issues here, people.

Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

SEP 27, 2007 04:15 PM

thefreak said:

Morgan said:
In this article, I really doubt that she's arguing that all men are abusive.


Not @all. What she said is:

Bitch_PhD said:
Oh. Goody. It's not available to kids.

Just to grownup men, or fucked up women, who think it would be cool to own a rape doll.


And let us not forget this exercise in futility, where basically any disagreement w/her opinion, or calling out of her hypocrisy, made you a "sexist dick."

Don't get me wrong, she's written plenty of strong articles, w/things that needed to be brought up in discussion (the Cosmopolitan article comes to mind). However, when they get used to make an anti-male argument, any credibility she has goes right out the window.

-TM



So, your point is that she unfairly generalized about "grownup men who think it would be cool to own a rape doll?"

Can you even really call that a generalization?

I'm asking the question in all sincerity.

Elly

Elly

SUICIDEGIRL

South Carolina, USA

SEP 30, 2007 08:03 PM

Nic said:

tech29 said:
Can I ask you a question Bitch_Phd. Does sitting around all day telling the world how fucked all men are to women all the time convince you that somehow you are doing society a service. I do realise your suppose to write about womens issues on here it is why you were hired.

But ever thought of writing about women in a way that questions some women's actions or decisions. Basically tell a story about women showing a negative affect.



She's a feminist writer doing columns for a female-empowering porn site. She's writing about issues pertaining to feminism.

Plenty of her articles are about women who make bad choices, either conciously or through their bad circumstances. She's trying to highlight the widespread shittiness perpetuated against women by men, which is by far more prevalent than violence and abuse done by women towards men. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it is not as ingrained, and widespread.

It seems to me that you don't like facing up to the fact that large numbers of your gender do horrific things to women.


+1

Why is tech29 paying to read and comment on the feminist columns published by an alt porn site that typically features outspoken women?

A better outlet for misogynist attitutes.

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