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thefreak

thefreak

NEWSWIRE

Gardner, MA

SEP 13, 2007 12:27 AM





If you thought the story of Jim Bob Dugger, his semen trough, uh, wife and their 17 Jesus spawn was extreme, this will blow your fucking mind.



A one-legged Emirati father of 78 is lining up his next two wives in a bid to reach his target of 100 children by 2015, Emirates Today reported on Monday.



Daad Mohammed Murad Abdul Rahman, 60, has already had 15 brides although he has to divorce them as he goes along to remain within the legal limit of four wives at a time.



"In 2015 I will be 68 years old and will have 100 children," the local tabloid quoted Abdul Rahman as saying.



"After that I will stop marrying. I have to have at least three more marriages to hit the century."



The United Arab Emirates newspaper splashed its front page with a picture of Abdul Rahman surrounded by his children, the eldest of whom is 36 years old and the youngest of whom is 20 days old. Two of his current three wives are also pregnant.



Now, in order to help you put this into perspective, I did the calculations and came up with some interesting statistics for when this sexual Tyrannosaurus reaches the century mark:



  • Assuming the children are spread out evenly over a total of 18 wives, each wife will have given birth to 5-6 children over a period of 44 years, with a total average of 2-3 children over the same period.


  • The total time of pregnancy, using the average time frame of 9 months, will be 900 months, or 75 years.


  • Your everyday ejaculation can be anywhere from 1.5 to 5 milliliters (for you non-math conversion types, 1 milliliter = about 1 teaspoon), and a "normal" sperm count is around 70-80 million sperm per milliliter. Assuming each pregnancy takes on the first try, Daab Mohammed will have spilled anywhere from 10.5-40 trillion of his potential children into waiting wombs.



Daab Mohammed, who lost his leg in a road accident, receives a monthly military pension of 24,000 dirham (around $6,500 American). But not even being an amputee can slow this testicular Hercules down.



"After Ramadan, I will go to Jaipur to get an artificial leg and marry a beautiful Rajasthani girl," he told Emirates Today. "I have had seven Indian brides."



The Emirates Today article gives more insight into the life of the man who puts Mr. Dugger and his cracker factory, uh, wife to shame.



"Even though my family is big, I don't have any problem managing the budget," he said. "If I buy fish for the entire family I have to spend a minimum of Dh500 per day. If the menu includes mutton at least Dh1,000 per day is required, and that's just for the meat." And despite having so many offspring he does not overlook the vital duty of any dad. He added: "I take care of their requirements - and pay pocket money to each and every child."



Godspeed, Daad Mohammed Murad Abdul Rahman, you poster child for superhuman virility, you. And be sure to take plenty of Vitamin E.



thefreak took an online quiz today that said he will die while having sex. If it's from having that much sex, he will die a happy man.

Northstar22

Northstar22

I'm lost
February 2007

SEP 13, 2007 12:46 AM

I'd hate to be the middle child of all that mess.

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

SEP 13, 2007 12:49 AM

Sooooo...why are people marrying this guy?

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

SEP 13, 2007 12:57 AM

That's a lot of fuckin'.

Cinder

Cinder

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

SEP 13, 2007 01:05 AM

As if this world didn't have enough idiots, this one somehow managed to impregnate 18 women. -_-

Admiral_Pants

Admiral_Pants

Austin, TX
May 2004

SEP 13, 2007 01:26 AM

thefreak said:
thefreak took an online quiz today that said he will die while having sex.



Scorpio?

lock

lock

United Kingdom
December 2003

SEP 13, 2007 01:38 AM

I bet he falls on his knee(s) everyday and gives thanks they don't celebrate christmas!

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

SEP 13, 2007 02:12 AM

In Russia he would have 78 Refrigerators

TheAngrySloth

TheAngrySloth

York, ON
September 2003

SEP 13, 2007 02:18 AM

Overpopulation is awesome! Fuck yeah!

lowroller

lowroller

Australia
May 2008

SEP 13, 2007 02:45 AM

I don't want any kids at all ...ever. This guy makes my head spin.

gunsarelove

gunsarelove

San Francisco, CA
March 2006

SEP 13, 2007 02:51 AM

it's nice to see the middle east is taking cues from the baby machines in Utah..an emoticon of guy blowing his brains out would do nicely right now.

Osaka

Osaka

SUICIDEGIRL

Poland

SEP 13, 2007 03:17 AM

eeeewwwwww

Punxboy

Punxboy

United Kingdom
August 2004

SEP 13, 2007 03:23 AM

DevilsReject said:
In Russia he would have 78 Refrigerators



Haha.

jatibb

jatibb

I'm lost
February 2007

SEP 13, 2007 03:35 AM

do you pronounce his first name "dad"

Mankarlen

Mankarlen

Deer Island, OR
June 2006

SEP 13, 2007 04:21 AM

And I thought three kids were more than enough

bardsatyr

bardsatyr

Morrisville, NC
November 2006

SEP 13, 2007 04:49 AM

Keeping track of 1st cousins to prevent inbreeding is going to be a mess...

And $78,000us a year in disability? That's a pretty sweet deal he has going on with that. Not sure how he can afford around 40 kids on that (if the oldest is 36, I figure half are out of the house), but he's jammin on the government dole.

SixBoxes

SixBoxes

Stoney Creek, ON
June 2007

SEP 13, 2007 04:53 AM

I'm surprised that nobody's mentioned that this is over in the UAE, and that our social and cultural norms largely don't apply.

Though it is apparently fun to pretend this is happening in the midwest or something.

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

SEP 13, 2007 05:04 AM

thefreak said:
(for you non-math conversion types, 1 milliliter = about 1 teaspoon)



No it isn't. More like 5 mL to a teaspoon. LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE ALSO NOT A MATH CONVERSION TYPE!!!!!LOLZ

Darke

Darke

Trego, WI
June 2005

SEP 13, 2007 05:08 AM

THIS is a definitive argument for drive-by vasectomies... frown

J24U

J24U

Danvers, MA
February 2006

SEP 13, 2007 05:25 AM

gunsarelove said:
it's nice to see the middle east is taking cues from the baby machines in Utah..an emoticon of guy blowing his brains out would do nicely right now.





Cyric

Cyric

I'm lost
October 2003

SEP 13, 2007 06:03 AM

That guy is AWESOME. I so wanna do what he's doing

Bite

Bite

Netherlands
July 2007

SEP 13, 2007 06:13 AM

I think he's having troubles understanding the differences between a family and a FACTORY! I hope his kids won't follow his 'example'!

luke2917

luke2917

Durango, CO
June 2005

SEP 13, 2007 06:13 AM

I'm child 56 out of 100.
I doubt he knows many of their names. Thats just sad.
With that many kids its not like he takes a real active role in parenting, he probably holds the new borns for a few minutes then hands them off to the mother to go have sex with a new bride.
sad. You'd think the state would have offered him a free vasacmety.

stringtheory182

stringtheory182

Gainesville, FL
November 2006

SEP 13, 2007 06:24 AM

at least he has a goal in life. his poor wives frown "oh, sorry hun, looks like today is your day to divorce me. i got an indian girl waiting in the bridal suite. sorry."

pirateonabike

pirateonabike

Pittsburgh, PA
July 2006

SEP 13, 2007 06:37 AM

before i even read the article, that picture is made of win.

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