NEWS: The VMAskdfjtglneyitkpiwetk/xcv.

CELEB: The VMAskdfjtglneyitkpiwetk/xcv.

Sorry about the title -- I think my head crashed into my computer while thinking back to the show.



So, here's the thing -- I'm old.

And here's why:

I recognized roughly point eight percent of the "musicians" and "actors" appearing on the VMA's last night. And for those of you who had better things to do -- like say, mop your kitchen floors or wax your scrotum -- you missed the following:



1. A big-bellied, dead-eyed, Chriss Angel-coached Britney stumble around on-stage like a zombie.

2. Alicia Keys sing OFF-key in a skin-tight cat-suit which showcased her_let's be frank_SHOCKINGLY beefy thighs. Her pear-shape was only to be outdone by Nelly Furtado who closed the show by singing roughly 4 bars of a totally forgettable song.

3. Rihanna remind America that no one knows or cares who she is.

4. Chris Brown rip off Michael Jackson in an electrifyingly awesome way.

5. Seth Rogan and Bill Hader only slightly try to disguise their total disdain for everything and everyone involved in the entire evening.

6. Kid Rock and Tommy Lee get into a full-on fist fight which was the only interesting thing that happened all evening, but sadly wasn't included in the show. See some random camera capture the disappointing brawl here.

7. Dr. Dre reveal that he has the largest trapezius muscles of any man alive.

8. How NOT to produce a televised award show.



This tossed-together, two-hours-I'll-never-get-back snooze-fest made me long for the days of bearded Jim Carreys and angry Fiona Apples and threeway lesbian Madonnas.

Who knew I could be nostalgic for such mediocrity?



Ps: Because I will champion Britney Spears until the day she literally starts letting her three and one-year-old sons smoke cigarettes and wield knives, my personal theory is that her shaky performance was due to her mad-high, unstable boots. Typically, she's done her nude suit-wearing, python-molesting, pigtail-strutting while sporting ever-stable tennis shoes.

Thoughts?

I also love that Kanye screamed and cried like a giant man-baby again.

Someday he will bitch about losing something he's not even up for.

dont forget that most of the people wernt singing

actually Criss Angel didn't coach Britney; turns out they were just having sex.

Hmm, Britney, terrible. Just, really frighteningly bad. Stay home and love your kids.
Chris Brown was really incredible, but still lip-syncing. He should do theater.
Alicia has always had thighs and booty, and she often sounds kinda off key, but she ripped it and it was actually live. Plus, what's with covering George Michael's "Freedom"?
Kanye was never as good as his hype. Never............... NEVER!
Gym Class Heroes brought more hip-hop flavor in the FOB suite than all the games "superstars" put together. Keep in mind I think Kanye is weak sauce. So what else was there?
Timbaland produces some of the best beats ever, but he's kind of a dork.
I would have rather spent the night in the Foos suite, where supposedly much beer and rocking did take place. So I hope they do a "remix" show focusing on that.
Overall, not a very well produced show. It just seemed frantic and confusing and really poorly paced with some of the best music being cut off as they went to or came back from commercial. I don't know how the "remix" thing is going to work, though. Supposedly everything was filmed and will be cut into a different show(s). That's why people were saying there would be no re-run of last nights broadcast. Problem is, other than the Foos suite, I'm just not interested.
Eh, random last minute thought. I'm not a big Linkin Park fan, or even a fan at all. But I've heard Chester sing that song more than once this year and daaaaaang he sounded wrecked last night.

Apparently it's all Sarah Silverman's fault

But didn't he say that he would never return to Mtv? That would be awesome. lol

i really dnt care i just want to see the fight! i hope tommy kicked ass

But.... she was on after Britney. lol Whatever, Britney screwed this mess up for herself. I'm not going to contribute to the bagging on her that's taking place today, everything has already been said. But she messed it up, nobody else.

It wasn't on camera, but there are two conflicting stories that I've read thus far (of course). First, Kid started it and socked Tommy. Second, Tommy egged him on for a while, Kid smacked him, then punched him, Tommy still never got a shot in. I too, was disappointed to hear this. But the "white on white crime" jokes were funny.

i think britney was probably drunk.
she drank before the show to calm down...
because not everyone's so nice to her anymore, ha.

The whole thing was less than mediocre. It was unwatchable. What a crapfest.

aww i honestly felt bad for her.

I caught 2 STD's just watching Tommy and Kid fight.

it was like 3 minutes of her just wondering around the stage looking for cheetos.



p.s Sarah Silverman is my hero

if the sound had been a bit better, the group performances would have been legendary. serj, dave grohl, lemmy, mastodon, josh homme, cee-lo... daaaaang.

The horror. The horror.

When I first heard that she would open this thing I chuckled and thought it would suck. Then I thought "oh this is going to be hilarious". 15 seconds into it I felt bad, as has been a constant whenever Britney's name is mentioned. And I only saw a small part of it in the news.

Looks like MTV has once again reached a new level of craptacularity, I didn't know that was possible.

As far as Brittney is concerned. I really think she was just so nervous that she took one too many "mood relaxers" backstage. The boots probably didn't help however.

Apparently, MTV doesn't play rock music anymore. The VMA's are about the only time I tune into MTV anymore and it astonishing how bad the show was and how horrible the music was that got nominated.

I couldn't watch the whole thing. I was there for Britney at the beginning, and felt sick when she was done. I've seen bits and pieces today and the whole show was outrageously sucky. Which is a shame, because I think Britney, Timbaland, the Foo Fighters, and Justin deserve better.

Back to Britney: I went straight to the shoes too. Really though, she wasn't ready. As someone who has had to change performances and make adjustments in very short notice I know that can throw you off your game if you let it. Some crazy shit happened back stage or that day and crazy looking, confused Britney was the product.

I felt real bad for her, but then I thought, damn man, I've done auditions in front of only 6 people where I have SUCKED. Embarrassingly so. It feels the same. 6 people feels like millions of people so I don't think it matters. It's more for our entertainment purposes that we make a deal out of a sad performance. She feels just like any other person who has been on stage and screwed up...and then gotten back on.

If she was so-called pissed off about Sarah making fun of her after the fact, she should have shown up and kicked some ass....instead it was just...painful to watch.

I just watched Britney's performance, since I hadn't seen it yet.

She looked so completely uncomfortable and lacking in self confidence that I can't even muster up the meanness I want to have towards her.

And after looking down at my own bloated and stretch mark covered tummy, I refuse to say anything about hers. Pregnancy fucks your shit UP.

i must be the only one that thought that it was taking a turn in the right direction. the past 4-5 years of its run have been absolutely unwatchable. This time around i liked the fact they only showed snippets of performances that would usually lose my attention after 1 minute or so. It appeals to the ADD generation, and if you dont like it, you are too old to watch mtv. I for one think its finally time for myself to make the full vh1 transition. on a side note, the arms race remix with lil wayne was the best part, might just be cuz im partial to weezy f baby.