NEWS: Ways In Which Kids Are Ruined, Part One Million

CULTURE: Ways In Which Kids Are Ruined, Part One Million

Stories like this seem to be popping up more and more these days. Somehow, this makes them no less shocking, nor any less appalling...

Tag.

TAG.

Fucking. T. A. G. Tag.

If there were some other way to write tag, while still expressing my annoyance doused with sarcasm, I'd do it. Maybe T@#!

Not "Kill the Man with the Ball." Not Dodgeball... Tag. "Tag, you're it," that thing.

The only way the above paragraph would be acceptable is if it were immediately followed by a teacher saying, "Well, harass them back. Then they will be "harassed," until they can find someone to tag, at which point, that person will harass someone else. Didn't you read the rules?" Then everyone bursts into laughter and says, "Just kidding, we really didn't ban tag."

"Chased against your will," during a game of tag. That's like playing basketball and complaining that people kept trying to take the ball from you, and you didn't want them to.

Hey you know where else I hear there's conflict? The fucking world. And at your job. And, even, if I recall, in middle school. Which is what elementary school is supposed to prepare them for.

God forbid you sort out the conflict, punish those responsible, and then supervise an orderly game of tag. Of course, I'm no assistant principal.

By running games I'm guessing she means a race. No doubt at the end of which, every kid is given a gold medal, a blue ribbon, and a fifty word essay on why they're "special." The only loser? The people of Earth who will someday encounter these fragile, pushy bastards, who are guaranteed to be fighting off tears while demanding special treatment.

That might be the most depressing part.

Well yes, when you avoid or delay a problem rather than solve it, you do tend to get less squabbles.

How soon before "duck, duck, goose," is abolished due to children complaining about an "odd, tap-like pressure felt on the tops of their heads"?

How about see-saws that only go "up." We all love the gentle upward movement but, really, who wants to deal with crashing back down to Earth and then having to you use your own muscles to propel yourself skyward? We can't get a machine to do that?

Tug-o-war? Well, first, we'll change the name to "Tuggles" because war is such a dirty word. Then, every child gets his own rope and is allowed to take it in any direction he or she chooses! Forget all that work and struggle for a well-earned reward... I mean, when will that ever come up again?





TheCoolerKing was picked on for several years of middle school and because of it, he is now a better, more fulfilled person than 99% of his classmates. It's a medical fact.

When I was a young boy we had this game called Sharks that we had to stop playing
We had this really wide slide, and you'd have people on the top and people on the bottom, and you'd try and pull the people from the top down if you were on the bottom.
If you were on the top, it was a totally different story, as you spent the bulk of your time kicking your classmates hands and faces.
Those were the days.
Then in like 4th grade they banned it because kids would be battered and bruised when they came back to class.
Also, a Belgian kid in 5th grade was "picked on" in foursquare, so we needed to stop playing that.
Sensitivity sucks.

Heaven forfend our children should actually learn how to deal with conflict... Let's just keep them in a conflict-free bubble for-EVAR!

*head*
*hit*
*keyboard*

Stupid as fuck. No wonder the world hates us.

For the longest time I envied the kids of today, because their toys are a bajillion times cooler than the ones I had. Tonight that envy is officially dead.

*does a little dance around corpse of envy*

When these kids grow up and have to deal with the real world, no teachers or parents coddling them, I hope I get to be their boss in some capacity. Then I'm going to give them a little lesson in harassment.

Are they gonna kick the skinny kids out for picking on the fat kids next?

the Springs is a strange place, btw

no, they'll kick the smart kids out because it makes the dumb kids feel stupid. they're already holding them back, so kicking them out entirely is the next logical step.

FUCK!!!
::breaths out::
my elementary school banned tag back in the early nineties. this schools behind the times

Oh god... An entire generation of pussies.

There's this game I don't really like to play called "working to pay my bills", maybe I could get their number and they'd fix it for me then I could sit around and daydream and make stuff. That'd be swell. It's great to see that that generation is being raised to be even bigger pussies than the ones before. The ones that started suing everyone because they're either too fucking stupid and lazy to make a living or they just don't believe they should be held accountable for their own actions. I remember when, if someone fell down, someone might say, "watch where you're going" not, "let me get you my lawyer's number and you'll OWN this grocery store!" Now we have millions of stupid laws to protect ourselves from our own stupidity and keep us from having any fun, and now they're making their way to the fucking playground. I'm so glad I'm not growing up in these times.

The only loser? The people of Earth who will someday encounter these fragile, pushy bastards, who are guaranteed to be fighting off tears while demanding special treatment. says cooler king

this will probably in reality have as little impact as those horriblly demeaning games of tag, but I think I get your point.

this is the exact reason why im going to force my kid into boxing from age 5... if for some reason i decide to spawn some little dude/chick.....

wow, and i thought my generation was coddled! (i call us the "self-esteem" generation and it seems to have churned out a bunch of worthless fucktards, myself included of course, who need constant praise and validation for doing the bare minimum).

"Safely supervised self esteem building activity" there. Fucking pisspants adults. "Now now, Timmy, Kristen does it differently but it's just as good as the way you do it. Now carefully shake hands and say 'I respect you Kristen'"

When we americans finally get the shit blown out of us by Russia, we'll be glad we learned to love. In a non sexual friendly way. We'll pray we all go to heaven beause that's where the good people go.

These kids are the ones that will be taking care of all of us when we are old. We are truely fucked!

So, if you don't want to play tag and someone is chasing you around, what should you do? You're not allowed to beat him with sticks like we used to, so I'm at a loss as to what the other solutions are supposed to be.

So, exactly how hard is it for these kids who are being chased against their will (I'm going to err on the side of not complete stupidity and say that these kids didn't want to play in the first place) to um, I don't know, go somewhere that is not the tag-playing section of the playground?

I don't understand why those "being chased" ran away. Back in "the day" when I wasn't playing Tag and someone who was ran up to me, touched me and said "you're it!" I said 'Yes, I am." Then I walked away. Those playing sometimes got mad saying "dude! you have to chase someone and tag them!" I would reply "I'm not playing. Either the guy who tagged me is still "it" or the games over. This usually satisfied them.

I suppose they'll have to ban Baseball next. I'm sure someone standing on second will complain that the person from First base keeps trying to chase them off their base, and they like it there.

Football has to be banned. They keep throwing me the ball, that I don't want, and then they chase me until I either drop the ball (and then they yell at me) or I get piled upon by a bunch of bullies.

Nobody is doing these kids any favors, the real world is full of frustration, the key is how you deal with it. The parents are pussies for not stopping this ban. Pathetic.

seriously.