Suicidal? Yes Depressed? No

I've thought long and hard about suicide for a few years now, even going as far as to weigh the pros and cons of various scenerios I've put together. However, I do not consider myself depressed. To put it succintly, I hate myself with every fiber of my being. It doesn't make me sad. To call myself worthless is, to me, a statement of fact.

Anyone else feel this way?

For a while, I did have depression and had all the suicidal tendencies. Then I grew up a bit and realized depression only made me feel more worthless. Now I'm just suicidal to the extent that I'd rather be dead than contribute to the human infestation problem. Or maybe I just became way too jaded with all the depression and I don't know of anything else...

my friends and i have this grand plan to go out in a magnificent yachting accident when we're in our 50s. explosions, marlins, beer, etc. we're even going to use one of our ex-pals as chumming.

also:

No I don't feel that way. Ever think about therapy?

Oh yeah, please - no pity. If any of you knew me, you'd agree with me. And this is definately NOT a cry for help. I don't want help. I'm just curious if anyone else views suicide as cutting one's losses. So in the name of everything holy, PLEASE don't try to talk me out of it.

Thanks.

Understood.

Sometimes all you want to do is just take a break from yourself, put yourself in the corner, and go away for a little while. Capiche?

I don't want to be harsh about my point, but after seeing a few of my friends talk, attempt and go through with suicide, I think my only comment about this is stop using suicide as an way out of the way you feel. If you feel worthless, work on finding a way to make yourself feel like you're providing something to someone. If you don't like who you are, work on changing your attitude and personality. What you need to do is seek help for what ever mental instability you have that makes you think suicide is a positive solution to your woes. I've never been suicidal, and I don't understand what makes people suicidal besides depression. If I were in the situation where I felt suicidal but didn't suffer from a form of depression, instead of causing pain and suffering with removing myself from this plane of existence, I would opt to give up my life to people who are less fortunate than I to make sure that those who are truely suffering in real life can have a bit of a better life. Am I being a totally irrational about this statement?

You talking about that sentence or the rest of the post?

Sorry, I left out the arrows and the explanation that the statement I was referring to was "I would opt to give up my life to people who are less fortunate than I to make sure that those who are truely suffering in real life can have a bit of a better life." I guess I also should have typed: "Am I being a totally irrational with this statement?"

talk you out of what? feeling this way or doing it? i've felt the same way for years,but the pain and guilt it would inflict on others means more to me than my own problems. i'm totally self-involved,but i'm not one to intentionally hurt the people i care about either.

ava, I totally understand what you're saying. Personally, I have absolutely no feelings that I'm worthless. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of egotistical about how talented, charming and attractive I am, but at the same time, I totally hate myself.
It's really kind of an odd thing to think you're rather useful, but to not want to have anything to do with yourself.



Then again, I'm a manic depressive, so I'm not really sure that my feelings should be the baseline for any discussion on psychoses.

Suicide is an ugly ugly matter. My husband has a friend whose wife commit suicide. I have a friend whose mother commit suicide and i have another friend, who is a schizophrenic, who has attempted suicide three times.
I think that trying to reason with someone who is suicidal is hard to do but i would ask you.....do you have friends and family? do you not have one iota what your value is to them? i'm just trying to make you think about that for a minute. i've watched two people struggle through years of grief after losing people they loved.
suicide is an ugly ugly thing. You say you're not depressed but I suggest you seek some type of talk therapy so you can try to come to realize why you are fixated with the death of yourself.
please.

Hate to break it to you, but from what you’ve written, you're most definitely depressed (or dysthymic perhaps).

I have yet to meet a depressed person who actually thought they were depressed (and I've worked with hundreds). There not all sad and reclusive. Most loathe themselves and see no point to their lives.

The only people I've ever met who were suicidal and not depressed were psychotic, bipolar, suffering from a personality disorder, etc...

That's not to say there are people for whom suicide may be the only way to alleviate suffering, but those people usually have some sort of terminal disease.

I guess it's possible to be completely, mentally healthy AND suicidal. I've never met anyone like that, but who knows. If such a person does actually exist, I’d be extremely excited to meet this person, all sorts of research possibilities.

I've thought about suicide. More because I get very bored with people and life than any sort of deppression or feeling of helplessness. So, I sort of feel where you're coming from. The conclusion I've finally come to however, is that no matter how much life sucks, it is nothing if not always in flux (no pun intended, oh who am I kidding, of course it was). So you never know what could happen next or what you may discover that ignites passion inside of you. Some of us just find those passions later than others. Death will come for all of us one day and then we will find out what's on the other side and if it's better. In the mean time, I think it's best to wait it out and see what happens. Sort of a fatalistic view of things, but a strangely optomistic one.

I almost did it once. Couldn't die knowing I was a coward and a quitter, though. ThenI got over being depressed all the time. I didn't go to counseling or anything, just figured out what was making me unhappy and did something else. Now I'm usually fairly happy. Go me.

I know exactly what you are talking about. And you are depressed. I fealt the same way unitl they made me take Prozac. Now I know what it feels like to be "normal". I'm still me. Just more focused and happy.

Good luck.

i feel any kind of suicidal thought is serious and very unhealthy and should be looked into..

i wish you all the best and love you all
much love
trin
xoxo

not the only one at all. i remember last year a 16 year old girl from my town jumped off of the golden gate bridge. she,like i,was born "off" and her whole life was spent in mental limbo.
when i read the story i remember thinking that she was the luckiest and strongest person to be able to move on and how jealous i was that she was free.
but at the same time,reading the following stories about her friends,family,and the general community confirmed the fact to me that there is more that should go into this decision.

Curiousity kept me alive more than once. (I am also very curious about death but I know I'll satisify that eventually so it can wait.)

This is a depressing fucking topic. I think that anyone who wants to post that they too feel suicidal sometimes should just save themselves and us some time and not post. I'm sure that almost EVERYONE on this site has felt this way at one point or another. Life is a long and difficult thing. Sometimes when you're down you don't feel like you ever can or should get back up. Sometimes you just can't see anything good in yourself and want to spare the world some misery. I'd like to think that there is still some hope out there though. That if I can just weather this storm I'll be OK for a while and I'll enjoy life again. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way, but if they choose to bow out of the race, well, that's their decision. I don't know if I'm going to say it's the BEST decision. As much of a pessimist as I am I still try hard to be an optimist. Things can't stay bad forever. Really they can't. Even if they DO you adapt and adjust and learn to MAKE them better.
For those of you who consider yourselves worthless, think of all your friends and family. THink of all the people who would cry when you're dead. Think of all the people whose jaws would drop when they heard the news that will ruin the rest of their day. All THOSE people see something good inside you, so there must be SOMETHING right? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you're an asshole (after all, you're human) but I wouldn't put you any worse than anyone else. I'm not trying to talk anyone out of their viewpoints, just offering mine. Like I said I'm still an optimist. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who have given up optimism. I hope you guys can make things better though.

as much as i loathe myself, i loathe those that waste the energy it takes to hate me for no apparent reason than they refuse to attempt to understand me, so i hang in, survive myself, survive everything i can, fight the self destructive urges when they overcome me in my weaker moments, just so i can be here to piss on graves as long as i can....