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TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

AUG 15, 2007 06:16 PM



It was recently announced that with Matthew Vaughn at the helm Marvel is officially making the "Thor" movie.

Thor was by far my favorite character when I was a kid. If you'd have told me then that someday, they'd make a big-budget Thor movie I'd have, well... better to show you.

*Time Travel*

Me- So, they're making a Thor movie...

Kid Me- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!! How did you get into my room? Ghaaahhh!

Me- Calm down! It's okay, I'm "you" from the future. I'm not going to hurt you... Yeah, a Thor movie.

Kid Me- Wait, what? Why is this happening?

Me- I'm here to tell you about--

Kid Me- That's why you came back? To tell me about a movie?

Me-Yep!

Kid Me- How old are you?

Me- Er, uh... 31.

Kid Me- And that's the reason you came back, a Thor movie? This is one of those "If someone had told me then, that I blank" scenarios, right? Like, if I knew then that someday I'd be a senator, blah, blah, blah... That thing?

Me- Well... Yeah.

Kid Me- And 31-year old you, comes back, not to tell me that I'm a famous ball-player or that we live in under-water cities or to avoid a certain person who will murder me. You're here to tell me that I'll still be into comics as an adult and that they're making a Thor movie.

Me- Yeah. I guess... Is that weird?

Kid Me- Lemme guess, you're also gonna "blog" about it online?

Me- Hey, that's not fair! And how do you even know about-- Sigh. It's just... There have been some really bad comic book movies. In a few years, they're going to make a Roger Corman "Fantastic Four" film...

Kid Me- Whoooa...

Me- And, it will turn out to be the definitive version. Then, a foolish man will put nipples on the batsuit. And the guy from "Commando" and "Conan the Barbarian" will botch the role of Mr. Freeze--

Kid Me- Haha. Last week, another guy from the future told me that he actually becomes governor of--

Me- YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Focus on the important stuff! Remember all those Ben Grimm and Hulk fans who said Thor was gay? We need this! Comic book movies need this. Many years from now the guy who did "Evil Dead" will create the greatest super-hero film of all time... but he'll stumble on the third one. Badly. Around that same time a shitty Fantastic Four sequel will nearly wreck everything...

Kid Me- Well, we'll still have Daredevil. That one could turn out...

Me- (looks away awkwardly)

Kid Me- Right?

Me- You poor bastard...

Kid Me- So, does the Thor movie look good?

Me- Hard to say... The director did a pretty good gangster film called Layer Cake, and then he collaborated with the brilliant Neil Gaiman, filming a movie version of his Stardust book.

Kid Me- How was that?

Me- I uh, haven't seen it. I've been busy... and, you know...

Kid Me- With what?

Me- Stuff, okay! Anyway, it's all up in the air. Usually you can see right away, based on director, cast etc., if a comic book movie looks any good. This one's iffy. Though the script is supposed to awesome, according to AintItCool.

Kid Me- Tsk, what don't they like?

Me- Seriously.

Kid Me- Hey! I know. Maybe another future you, from just after the film opens, will come back and tell us if it's good!

Me- (a beat, rolls eyes) Yeeeah, oookkkkayyy man. Riiight. I'm sure that's really going to happen. God, you better smarten up... So, someday, a wild-haired old man or a kid might show up asking about this book, if they do, you have to--

Kid Me- Um, you're talking about the future, you're in the past.

Me- Wait, what? Am I-- No, I mean... Ugh, time travel always confuses me...

We at SGHQ would like to know who you would cast to play the Odinson...

The Cooler King taps Viggo:


Gerry_D nominates Karl Urban:


and Erin Broadley would like to see Vincent D'Onofrio reprise his role from Adventures In Babysitting:


Who do you want to see swing Mjolner? Post your selection in the comments thread -- and the winner (picked by the staff) will receive something from around the office (also picked by the staff).
Good luck!
NO FABIO!

Whosoever reads this article, if he be worthy, shall possess the power to waste 10 minutes...

unfiltrator

unfiltrator

San Francisco, CA
April 2004

AUG 15, 2007 07:17 PM

Kid you has a looooong wait.

Tiger_Fodder

Tiger_Fodder

Braintree, MA
June 2007

AUG 15, 2007 07:21 PM

Kid you seems cooler...man what happened?

dante42

dante42

Columbus, OH
February 2007

AUG 15, 2007 07:24 PM

God. Now I have to see stardust soon to see if there's a prayer this is any good. Please please let one of my favorite hero's movies be made right. They failed on Hulk and DD, but hopefully this one they can get right....

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

AUG 15, 2007 07:25 PM

Thor was gayer than Christmas.

cowboybert

cowboybert

West Palm Beach, FL
September 2006

AUG 15, 2007 07:26 PM

They should cast the Beastmaster

JesterMoon

JesterMoon

Tacoma, WA
February 2007

AUG 15, 2007 07:26 PM

hmmmm........ I have three pics. One possibly real. One based on time travel, and one purely fun.

Possibly real: Kevin McKidd , who proved he can yell and kick ass in Rome (currently rumoured to be a top pick)

Based on time Travel : Brian "The Boz" Bosworth circa 1987. MULLET without Mjolner. With Jim McMahon as Loki..... the 80s movie cross over that SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

Purely Fun: Josh Holloway.......cause he fills seats.....if you know what I mean.

brett54

brett54

Australia
November 2004

AUG 15, 2007 07:30 PM

THOR! THOR!

You're Thor???

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I'm tho thor I can't pith.



wink

bily

bily

Ann Arbor, MI
November 2003

AUG 15, 2007 07:34 PM

HHH!!

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

AUG 15, 2007 07:35 PM

The answer is oh so obvious

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

zoom image

zoom image

Yup, just put some wings on his helmet, and there you go.

(I'm really, really happy that I have no nostalgic attachment to Thor. Cuz this is going to crash and burn. How could it not?)

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

AUG 15, 2007 07:37 PM

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

AUG 15, 2007 07:38 PM

^^^ simply brilliant.

Quirky

Quirky

Birmingham, AL
October 2005

AUG 15, 2007 07:42 PM

This movie, I predict, will be made of hard fail.

PatrickY

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA
December 2003

AUG 15, 2007 07:44 PM



I just killed you with brain lasers. I made them my own self.



... and Vincent D'Onofrio was Thor in Adventures in Babysitting? Really?

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

AUG 15, 2007 07:56 PM

_Poptard_ said:
This movie, I predict, will be made of hard fail.


Pssh. Whatever. That's what people said about Transformers. Then that kid from Even Stevens came along and made it an all-time classic.

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

AUG 15, 2007 07:59 PM



I'LL CUT YOU!




Also, dude, it's Mjolnir.

Vestril

Vestril

Coronado, CA
February 2003

AUG 15, 2007 08:01 PM



So you hate Thor.

otaku

otaku

USA
January 2004

AUG 15, 2007 08:06 PM

The more important question is:
Who's gonna play SIF?!?!?!?

Drake

Drake

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

AUG 15, 2007 08:21 PM


zoom image

AcidEvangelist

AcidEvangelist

Minneapolis, MN
March 2004

AUG 15, 2007 08:28 PM

Drake said:

zoom image




THOR - starring ROSS THE BOSS!

Solid.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

AUG 15, 2007 08:34 PM

otaku said:
The more important question is:
Who's gonna play SIF?!?!?!?


Serenity's Morena Baccarin?

Metaverse

Metaverse

USA
March 2005

AUG 15, 2007 08:40 PM

Karl Urban would be a great choice, BUT... I'm gonna go with Kevin McKidd from the HBO series Rome. He's Scottish, and could fit the role. Besides...he was awesome as Lucius Vorenus.



I just watched the first 6 eps of Rome Season 2...so it seemed like a logical choice to me.


Beta Ray Bill better be in it too!

Lockeblade

Lockeblade

Australia
May 2007

AUG 15, 2007 08:48 PM

Oh, I know!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Is it too soon to make jokes about him?



But in all seriousness, Val Kilmer would make a great Thor


jakeydanger

jakeydanger

Hancock, MI
July 2007

AUG 15, 2007 08:51 PM

If they fuck this movie up, they won't only piss off all of us Thor fans, but also the real God of Thunder. Unless they want lightning to split their heads open, this movie better be damn good.

Dude that played Eomer would be a good choice for the role. He's sexy and badass; however, I don't know if he's got as good a yellin' voice as Kevin McKidd. Kevin McKidd is homely as fuck, though.

However, in my own not-so-humble opinion, I think Johann Hegg should play Thor. He's Swedish and the lead singer of a Viking metal band.

Give Thor a bitchin' Viking beard. Listen to Amon Amarth.

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