NEWS: "Vegansexuals" Say No to Hot Beef Injection

CULTURE: "Vegansexuals" Say No to Hot Beef Injection

A group of New Zealand vegans are taking their dietary choices to bed. In a brand-spanking new phenomenon being called "vegansexuality," some animal-friendly Kiwis are choosing "not to be sexually intimate with non-vegan partners whose bodies, they say, are made up of dead animals."

Okay, hang on just a minute, here. I'm a strict vegetarian—a vegan, for all intents and purposes (any animal products that make their way into my diet do so accidentally, at this point), and while I'm not too keen on swapping saliva with my boyfriend just after he's eaten a big, juicy burger, I find this vegansexuality thing to be verging on the absurd. Unless these vegansexuals are engaging in some kind of cannibalistic, Praying Mantis-inspired sex, I don't really see what the problem is. You're not eating your partner, are you? You're not wearing a jacket or a pair of shoes made out of your partner, right?

The revelation of this new little movement came through the research of Annie Potts, co-director of the New Zealand Centre for Human and Animal Studies at Canterbury University.

Their bodies are made up of animal carcasses? That's just ridiculous. While I can understand being hesitant about romantic involvement with a meat-eater due to potential health issues like heart disease, hypertension, and colon cancer, viewing their bodies as "made up of animal carcasses" is taking it a bit far. I picture a zombie-like creature with a ham hock for a heart and chickens feet for eyes.

"Sorry, I don't do the hot beef injection, but I do give great cabbage head."

I wonder if those same hardcore vegansexuals have cats or dogs who aren't allowed to have meat in their diets either.

That's okay. I don't think I could have someone with that absurdly self righteous anyway.

Plants grow from soil which is made of decomposed plant and animal matter. Suck on that, vegansexuals.

But I do appreciate this point of view. I do. I appreciate it so much that I'd like its purveyors to emblazon it on their foreheads (in vegetable-based inks, naturally). You see, I'm a notanidiotsexual and it would really help me out if I could spot the non-humpable at a distance.

Great choice on the article pic, Rahodeb.

But, what exactly are Battery Chickens? Are they a new jam band or something?

I think a woman saying "I can't fuck you, you're a pillar of meat" would make me feel all primal, like I were both Conan and Tarzan simultaneously, all corded muscle and sweaty fury, a mirrored self battling across a steaming jungle plain.

While thunder roared above and drum beats swelled from the depths, naturally.

I think I need to catch a flight to New Zealand.

"Hey baby, last girl I was with called me a pillar of meat."

"Ooohhh baby"

Also, this article's title makes me very happy face.

Maybe we dont have the technology yet to hear plants scream...
then what?
but until a cow takes my job, they're boots and burgers...
and why is okay that lots of animals and insects eat live prey? shall we shun all nature? some animals are herbivorous, some are carnivorous...some people are herbivorous, some are carnivorous...
do is you will...

Sexually, yes. We should avoid fucking nature, as a general course of action.

I tried fucking nature once. But then it burned when I urinated.

Jeezus Almighty... these holier-than-thou vegans are too much...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

That's awesome. Maybe this will cut down on their reproduction and make the world ever so slightly less self-righteous.

I heard this this morning on the Dave Ross report on KCBS and thought WHAT!!!! What will be next the soy milk drinkers wont associate with the rice milkers and so on and so forth till the vegans eventually snob themselves from existence.

I burn nature every time I urinate, but that's what happens when you're a pillar of meat, a towering, carcass effigy to a legion of nameless beasts. The world becomes your wasteland.

By Crom.

thats a bit weird because i am sure at one point in their life they too were omnivores consuming many a meaty dinner before they decided to become vegan,,,,? I doubt that most of them have never ever had a meat product before.

A lot of people worship a corpse nailed to a stick, so I guess I can't find it in me to be bothered overmuch by these peoples wacky ideas.

I burn nature every time I urinate, but that's what happens when you're a pillar of meat, a towering, carcass effigy to a legion of nameless beasts. The world becomes your wasteland.

By Crom.



Best reply in a long time

Mr Lunt!! Cheese Burger Song!! OMG.

oh yea.

im vegetraian.. but i guess im not good enough for this Vegansexual.


-_-

Ha ha. Surely you should be completely allowed to be discriminating when it comes to people you don't wanna fuck, but why make a FUCKING POINT out of it? I can't stand people who make a political statement out of every fucking thing they do.

The funny thing is that they are often so absorbed with one issue that they are totally blind to other issues. Fuck, if you want to be totally pure in every aspect you can't do anything, really. I know a vegan who hardly can't stand her roommate having milk in the fridge, but she doesn't have any problem with jetting off to Tanzania every now and then, emitting tons of carbon-dioxide. Meh, I don't get it.

ouch. got any racism to go with that prejudice?

Yes. White people are overly hairy, and their toe jam smells like tire fires.

Even though I'm a vegetarian myself, this is one of the few cases that I'm like, "This is news?" Being a vegan or a vegetarian can be seen as a moral choice. But only sleeping with vegans is a personal choice, no different from only sleeping with Asians or people with freckles. There doesn't even seem to be any motion to organize mentioned in the original article, this one person just did a survey and realized that, shocker, people generally prefer to sleep with people who make similar choices to their own.

But anyways, what's so bad about being self-righteous? There are much worse character flaws, so I don't get why people demonize vegans so much. Especially people who are otherwise very vocally liberal on subjects like human rights, feminism, war, religion, etc. It's like they don't want to interact with anyone more to the left than they are? I don't get it.

Actually, it's someone that's human yet Divine that rose from the Dead after being nailed to a stick that is worshipped.

Hope that makes it easier to accept.