How many times have you been waiting patiently in line to use a public restroom, only to discover that the non-stop orgy of anonymous gay sex thatÂ’d been taking place inside had left the toilet stall in a bit of disarray?
Thankfully, Fort Lauderdale mayor Jim Naugle has found the courage to ignore budget woes and a rising crime rate and tackle the pressing issue of hot man-on-man sex in public restrooms head-on.
Earlier this month, Naugle proposed that Fort Lauderdale pony up $250,000 to install a self-cleaning automated toilet in “the rainbow parking lot” near one of Fort Lauderdale’s gay-friendly beaches. This “robo-john” can be programmed to open it’s doors automatically after a certain amount of time. Noting that this amount of time wasn’t long enough to allow anyone to engage “illegal sex,” Naugle touted the cyber-crapper as a way to
”provide a family environment where people can take their children who need to use the bathroom without having to worry about a couple of men in there engaged in a sex act.”
NaugleÂ’s crusade to curb the epidemic of raunchy beach-adjacent dude-tacular toilet sex was all the more daring because, according to Fort Lauderdale police Sergeant Frank Sousa, that epidemic doesnÂ’t actually exist.
"There's no evidence, no reports or arrests made for any men having sex in any restrooms"
Fort Lauderdale’s large and vocal gay community reacted by starting a “Flush Naugle” campaign, urging Fort Lauderdale residents to mail rolls of toilet paper to Naugle’s office.
Naugle, who previously endeared himself to his gay constituents by claiming he uses the word “homosexual” instead of gay because “most of them aren’t gay, they’re unhappy” and opposing efforts to move the Stonewall Library and Archive into the Fort Lauderdale public library because the archive contained gay porn, responded by saying he would issue an apology at a news conference.
Of course, he didnÂ’t mean he was going to apologize to the gay community.
Meanwhile, local gay-friendly businesses are worried that having a homophobic windbag for a mayor might have an impact on the over $1 billion that gay tourism brings to the Fort Lauderdale economy each year.
Shockingly enough, this isn’t the first time Naugle has raised some eyebrows by making controversial statements. The conservative Democrat (who campaigned for Bush in 2000) has previously been quoted as suggesting that people who objected to a 2003 Christian outreach event should “move to Iraq,” that a proposal to reduce greenhouse gas emissions was “hate-America stuff” and that a proposed affordable housing law was “communism” that would “subsidize some schlock sitting on the sofa and drinking a beer, who won’t work more than 40 hours a week.”
But alas, it seems that NaugleÂ’s brave struggle to liberate Fort LauderdaleÂ’s public toilets from the grip of gay sexual tyranny has been thwarted. Fort Lauderdale city commissioners removed the automated toilet from the proposed yearly budget, apparently unaware that San Francisco is now 100% heterosexual thanks to the introduction of similar public robo-potties. Jim Naugle is term-limited from running again for a seventh term as mayor, but at least heÂ’ll have a whole bunch of free toilet paper as a going away present.
(With a tip o' the leather daddy cap to oh_stella)
Uncognitive said:
Naugle, who previously endeared himself to his gay constituents by claiming he uses the word "homosexual" instead of gay because "most of them aren't gay, they're unhappy"
How much time does it give you? I don't know what it's gonna do for gay sex, but I have a feeling there's gonna be a lotta embarrassed taxpayers in Fort Lauderdale with bathroom doors popping open at random on Main Street. (Who thought of this -- Alan Funt?)
Nothing says "family environment" like walking your child down the street and having a bathroom door randomly open right in front of you to reveal a large constipated man straining on the toilet.
I think it's worth flying to Fort Lauderdale, finding that toilet, having gay sex with someone who looks just like Jim Naugle, filming it and sending the tape to every newspaper, magazine and website I can find just to piss him off.
dingoes8 said:
Nothing says "family environment" like walking your child down the street and having a bathroom door randomly open right in front of you to reveal a large constipated man straining on the toilet.
Has anyone ever tried deep-frying a bagel-dog? It sounds like it might work okay, but I'm worried about whether it might blow up my deep-frier or something.
How many times have you been waiting patiently in line to use a public restroom, only to discover that the non-stop orgy of anonymous gay sex that'd been taking place inside had left the toilet stall in a bit of disarray?
This is truly an overlooked problem of modern society, it must have happened to me at least 4 times during my last trip to the U.S.
Maybe he's trying to quite having gay sex in bathrooms, so he decided to take the round about way and proposed to install those robo-shit cans with timers. You know, like going to AA but not. That or he's going to post up with a camera in a van with tinted windows that is situated right outside the robo shit can and take photos of all those crazy people having gay sex when the door opens after a "pre-selected" time so as to feed his sexual desires. Yeah, thats it. What an idiot.
and that a proposed affordable housing law was "communism" that would "subsidize some schlock sitting on the sofa and drinking a beer, who won't work more than 40 hours a week."
Actually, thirty years ago, the average American could work 35 hours a week and live comfortably supporting a family of four. You couldn't support yourself singularly on a time schedule like that today. Especially in Ft. Lauderdale.
dingoes8 said:
Nothing says "family environment" like walking your child down the street and having a bathroom door randomly open right in front of you to reveal a large constipated man straining on the toilet.
Or one of those times when you have explosive diarrhea for half an hour. I'm pretty sure I'd be that guy, and everybody would point and say "ha ha!"
These idiot devices are sprouting up all over Los Angeles. There's one going in right in front of where I live (the third time the city has torn up the sidewalk in a year). The others I've seen are outside the subway stations, none of which has a restroom inside.
At a quarter per visit, it will take a million uses for each one to pay for itself, not counting for maintenance and service. That's 500 uses a day for 6 years.
On the plus side, two (set to operate for free instead of costing a quarter) have been installed on skid row in hopes of getting the locals to stop shitting in the gutters or on the sidewalks.
Space toilets are some of the filthiest fucking toilets I've ever used. The toilets and sinks are always plugged up (an effort, I've heard, by the junkies to prevent themselves from being rained on when the toilet self-cleans), and there are always dirty rigs and tourniquets all over the floor. If anything, they attract junkies rather than deter gay people!
Uncognitive
Brooklyn, NY
May 2003
JUL 30, 2007 11:43 AM