NEWS: Harry Potter and the Leaked Conundrum

Here's something I've notice about Harry Potter: you're either with it or against it. If someone asks me if I've read them and I say no, it automatically brands me an anti-bandwagonner, thinking I'm cool just because I go against the grain. No other book is like that. I've never read Great Expectations, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, or The Art of War either. There are just things I haven't read and am not particularly interested in trying.

In this case, perhaps it is because you are older than 15.

For the record, Art of War takes about two seconds to read. I dunno if that changes your mind. Most copies come with lots of commentary (historical and otherwise), but the text itself is pretty straightforward and short.

**end tangent

I feel "Kikajar's" pain. I should have known better than to try and talk to anyone online before reading the book. I was on a chat site and some chick entered, said "______ dies. Brb." and left. I wanted to punch the bitch in the tuna. Of course, that was a little difficult when all I had in front of me was a computer screen.
*sigh*
At least it was a character that was obviously going to die and not one of the ones that came out of left field. I really would have put a chokehold on my monitor if it had been.
I understand if you have some deep seeded aversion to, I dunno, actually reading a book, but please don't be a dick and ruin it for the other 9 million people who actually DO give a shit.

Or because his tastes are different.

The issue here is simply that: people have different tastes. Live and let live, you know? Or is there some intrinsic reward in convincing others that their taste is shit?

I mean besides the simply pleasure of being sanctimonious.

No, that's about it. At least, that's why I do it.

me too.

Plus a bajillion (especially when the subject of ridicule is a 100 year old man who has no sense of humor and no ability to recognize when people are just giving him shit to get a cheap laugh).

This thread needs some hot boy-on-boy Hogwarts slash fiction.

Pot? I would like to introduce to kettle.

Plus there is the added pleasure of the fact that just by being here I piss you off.

Fantastic.

Harry breathes over the tip of Severus's erection, a quick stream of warm air. Severus has long taught himself to control his reactions and he's not giving Harry anything until Harry has damn well worked for it. Which doesn't mean that he doesn't want to moan low in his throat. He does.

Harry takes the tip of the cock into his mouth, firmly running his tongue over the head. Severus takes a deep breath. Harry slides his mouth upward until his nose is pressed against the skin of Severus's groin, the head of Severus's cock wedged snugly in Harry's throat. Severus decides that deserves a moan.

Harry grins or laughs or does something to express his joy at coaxing this from Severus and the result is another moan. Harry draws back, all the way. His teeth scrape ever so lightly along a scant inch of the stalk and then withdraw back into hiding. Severus works to control his breathing. He hasn't the slightest desire to pass out during what may be the best blow job of his life. He has no idea how he's going to pay Harry back. Severus has never quite managed the art of deep-throating.

Harry repeats the pattern a few more times before sliding back onto his heels, inches away from Severus's cock. He looks upward but his eyes are curiously unexpectant, and Severus is not the type to beg. Harry says, "I'd like, er. Well, it's that-"

Harry is going to ruin the mood if Severus allows this to continue. All the same, he's not quite willing to offer what he thinks Harry wants, not yet. There are some things even Severus can respect as worth waiting for. "This won't be the last time we do this, Harry."

"First off, you're a Slytherin who's openly admitted we're pretending, so forgive me if I have cause to doubt, and secondly, I know what I want, all right?"

Harry's eyes are still shining like Silas' did, only with an added pinch of determination and frustration. Severus asks, "How come you were never this focused as a student?"

"Maybe you should have offered me the chance to have your cock up my arse earlier."

Severus can't help it, he laughs. "Because that wouldn't have ended in Howlers containing the Killing Curse To Go."

Harry laughs too, and it's not sexy at all, really, but amazingly the mood hasn't been killed. Harry holds out his hands and Severus pulls him up by them. Harry cajoles, "This is my favorite part, promise."

Harry extends a hand, and if he says the words that bring the small jar of lube to him, Severus doesn't hear it. Harry offers the jar up. Severus takes it. He gets out of the way so as to bend Harry over the desk. It takes pushing several essays aside, and the organizational freak in Severus cringes but Harry Potter is arse-upwards over his desk, miles of toned muscle and bronzed skin being offered up to him. Severus sets the jar next to Harry's hip and takes advantage of Harry's position. He runs his hands from the rounded bones of the pelvis up over the spinal chord and to where his hands meet over Harry's neck. He massages at the shoulders and the shoulder blades, runs his tongue along the crevice of the spine. He follows the indentation all the way up and then back down again, continuing past where it stops until he reaches Harry's arse.

Harry screams at the contact of Severus' tongue on his hole. He pants as Severus bites lightly at the rim and then sucks. When Harry's regained enough breath, Severus sticks his tongue inside the hole and wrings another scream from him. Severus stays a bit longer, seeing what types of sounds he can pull from Harry before straightening up and dipping two fingers in the ointment. Harry's so relaxed from the treatment that Severus hasn't a problem sliding both in at once. He doesn't waste time, searching out Harry's prostate and giving it a good tweak before withdrawing to spread lube over his cock.

He sinks into Harry swiftly, pressing until he feels the edge of the desk impeding both him and Harry. Harry is moaning, one hand holding desperately to the desk, the other curled awkwardly backward, scrabbling at the skin of Severus's back.

Severus thrusts shortly several times in succession, moving just enough to scrape at Harry's prostate but not much else. Harry is whimpering and Severus thinks there are words escaping his mouth, words like, "shit," and "please," and "brilliant."

Severus withdraws until he's just barely inside Harry and proceeds to drive back inside of him. He's not rough but he's certainly not gentle, banging Harry's thin hips into the edge of the desk, holding back words of his own, contradicting words about how beautiful Harry is, about what a slut Harry is, about how Severus doesn't want to stop.

He does eventually, long after he's wrapped his hand around Harry's cock and wanked until his hand was covered in Harry's cum. He even waits for a bit after he's come, slumping over onto Harry, careless of how his weight feels on top of Harry, exulting in the frantic breaths that Severus can feel radiating from below him through his sternum.

Eventually, though, Severus stands, drawing himself from Harry. Harry murmurs something then, something Severus doesn't understand but it must be a Cleansing Spell, as Severus immediately feels less sticky. When it becomes evident that Harry doesn't plan on moving of his own accord, Severus drags him up from the desk, slinging one of Harry's arms over his shoulders. He's still taller than Harry, and Harry's side is stretched, long and silky against that of Severus's.

Severus throws Harry into his bed, yanking the covers from beneath him so that Severus can draw them up over himself. Exertions or no, Severus is cold. Harry rouses himself enough to climb under the blankets and settle next to Severus in a firm line of unmovable flesh.

Severus doesn't mind horribly. Harry's quite warm.

Damn. I must have missed that chapter.

Now I will have to re-read.

Why are you trying to kill my soul?

Luckily i was able to avoid all the spoilers (only cause i read the book too fast for anyone to spoil anything for me) i know i'm a geek lol

i just finish read that awsome book!!!!
I just cry like a hunger baby!!!!
i really like dooby

Wow. I totally missed the part where this thread turned into HP slash. What *was* I doing, back there in the mists of a month ago.

I'll admit to also being up to 4am on the first night I got the new HP precisely because I didn't want to find out any details elsewhere.

In the case of HP VI and the spoilers though, don't you think that is just a LITTLE bit more to do with there being very very little that actually happens in the entire god-damn book? What made that episode so easy and fun to spoil was pretty much the fact that you COULD sum up the whole thing in three fateful words.

And c'mon, aren't we all Muggle Fuckers here? =)

I don't know how I missed this article when it was originally posted. I laughed while reading, remembering my own one-week ban on the internet and tv, with the attempts to avoid spoilers... at any cost!

Hee hee... leave it to LouLou to revive a 2 year old dead Potter thread.

I was in the deepest kind of hiding just before DH came out and I managed to avoid almost all the spoilers. Oh, and just for the record... Potter fans are kinky motherfuckers.

I'm not a big Harry Potter fan, but my sweet old mum is, and the release of DH was the same week as her B-Day, so I snuck out the night of the release (I was still living at home), went off to the book store and stood in line to wait for the release. Then I came home left it where I knew she'd find it.

I'm only posting here to let you that that when I first read the thread title....I thought it said "Harry Potter and the Leaked Condom" and I thought...."ewwwwww".

I delibratly avioded the HP fan sites o any news aricles about em to aviod spoilers
and still ALMOST had it spoiled

t-shirthells infamus half blood prince spoiler shirt after i finished reading it (in a day thank you very much) i went online to catch up and BOOM there it was ___ DIes on page__ there i just saved you 8 hours nd 30 bucks.

2 hours earlyer id have aranged a DOS atk on the site