NEWS: My City is Better Than Yours, Fuckheads!

CULTURE: My City is Better Than Yours, Fuckheads!

I live in San Francisco. The vast majority of you idiots reading this do not. My city is better than yours. Period. No argument.

Now, I’m not simply throwing this out there willy-nilly. Sure, everyone thinks their city is the best (except for those of you living in Fresno or Denver or something) but I have actual proof. And I’m not even talking about proof in the our-weather-is-better kind of way or the have-you-seen-our-views!? kind of way. I’m talking about actual scientific proof.

F’reals, assholes.

That’s right. I know you’re jealous, but it’s not my fault your cities aren’t as rad as mine. By definition, no city can be more “gay friendly” than San Francisco. Thus, all of the cool people are naturally attracted here. I didn’t look this up or anything, but I’m pretty sure that on a scale of 1-10, San Francisco’s “Bohemian-Gay Index” is going to be approximately a 150. By contrast, I’m figuring that a place like Boston or New York would be like a 17, Houston or Detroit would be a 5 and LA would be about a 2.75 (because if Los Angelenos were creative at all they would surely be able to think of a better place to live than Los Angeles.)

How does this “more gays equals more money” equation work? Well, Professor (and future SF Mayor) Florida has this to say.

The full story of how much exactly everyone should envy me for my area code’s overwhelming personal, cultural and economic superiority can be found here. In case you’re more of a passive learner, I've included some clips of the good professor explaining things. He yammers on a bit about the power of “creativity” and how that “creativity” leads to greater intelligence, cultural relevance and competitive economic ability, but don’t lose sight of what you should really be taking from his work: that San Franciscans are better than you.


Were you counting how many more times San Francisco (or its surrounding areas) were mentioned vs. how many times any other city was mentioned? Because I was, and it was twice as much as any other city. That makes the Baghdad by the Bay twice as good. It's simple mathematics and everyone else can eat a dick.

I suppose it is also worth discussing his ancillary point, because the idea that artistic and cultural creativity is a strong indicator of economic prosperity makes a lot of sense. Furthermore, the idea that artistically and culturally creative people are attracted to open-minded areas where risk-taking and divergent lifestyles are accepted makes even more sense. What’s more, the numbers seem to bear it out. The areas of the country that are known for fostering an open, creative environment are our current centers of industry. The areas of the country who are not, simply aren’t.

But again, that’s the secondary point. The real lesson to take from this is that the more you other plebes try to make your city like San Francisco, the better off you’ll be. Not just in the intellectual, cultural or existential senses, but in the pocketbook as well. Now get going, kids, and good luck. You’re gonna need it, suckers!


This is the 100th article I have been fortunate enough to write for the SuicideGirls.com Newswire. I’d like to earnestly thank those who have let me write and those who have bothered to read. It’s been a great time, and very rewarding for me. Thanks again, and I’ll see you around.

Ha! Seattle takes second. Considering SF and Seattle have the rain/fog thing going is there a relationship between moisture, money, creativity and gay?

100 articles, really? Shit, time flies.

My city is also awesome, according to the same dude. Montreal is definitely the hippest, hottest Canadian city with the most beautiful women and the gayest men.

Go Soviet Canuckistan!

I live in San Antonio. The vast majority of you idiots reading this do not. My city is fatter than yours. Period. No argument.

Fucking sweet. I live in the top two coolest cities, then. No wonder i'm so happy!

Fog clouds your judgement, thus allowing you to think 60,000 dollars is a reasonable price for a condo the size of a one car garage?

and I care because.....

"[E]ducated kids are generally moving to the most 'gay-friendly' cities after graduating from college because those cities tend to have the best job markets". ~ This seems logical to me, I did this, after I graduated I moved in the Downtown Vancouver BC, Canada. There are tons of jobs, the market is great. Downtown Vancouver is often considered a smaller San Francisco.

I was about to reply that I have never seen a more gay friendly city.

It is the EMERALD city afteral. Go Dorothy.

well maybe if san francisco hated teh gays a little bit more, i could afford to live there

Ya know, I've been to San Fran on vacation twice, because I have friends out there. And 'Brosa sir, you are correct. Your city rocks. No argument needed. I'd move out there if I could fucking afford it!

Methinks the blogger doth protest too much.

We have a large gay population. And the most awesome lesbian cowboy bar.

LESBIAN COWBOY BAR.

And it doesnt cost 83 million dollars a month to live here.

Austin > San Francisco

::standing in a corner, halfheartedly kicking at dirt::

"Denver's pretty cool...ya dicks..."

god damn I fucking miss Seattle...

I've been to San Fran. and didn't like it. I guess it's not the best city for everyone!

I live in Austin.

I win.

I found this to be interesting yet, a little unsound. As far as job market goes I believe location and population would have a much more substantial effect on a place then how gay friendly it is. For instance the positioning of natural resources always increases jobs. If a place is ripe in oil, timber, coal, fisheries and farming goods it will have a wider job market than a place that doesn't have these things. On top of that another thing to account for is the stage of growth the city is in, is the city rapidly growing or not, this will open huge amounts of construction jobs. Another factor is the debt the city has and it's spending budget, the more in debt a city is the less public programs and projects it can give to the public. This will affect sales tax and property tax as well as trade tax and taxes placed on goods and services. This is why the united states is an idiot in economic policies, because we as a country are more entertainers for the world than anything else. Yes we have substantial goods to offer, but these are quickly falling to the way side as more people are turned off to science and are turned on to entertainment. SF is nice but simply can't beat the beautiful place I come from, actually the entire state of California can't stand up to its beauty.

San Fran WOULD be cool if it wasn't so goddamned hilly and confusing. You go there, you wind up following Kim Novak around and getting lost in the bay and spending too much $$ on records.

On the other hand, Manhattan, where AH live has currently been overrun by the normies. You heard me. Remember how all of the tourists used to confine themselves to Times Square? (excepting the cool Eurotrash down in Soho, natch) Well now they're everywhere, and prices is high and it's hot and global warming and where I live--The East Village--has become a giant quad for pugnacious NYU co-eds to wobble on their high heels across and Union Square looks like THE WARRIORS ride at Disneyworld, if there was such a thing... and there should! Cause it's ALL OUR TURF!!! Can yooooouuu dig it?

How then would one explain Palm Springs?

...you live way too fucking close to Ohio and should do something about that.

You went to Amoeba, didn't you?