NEWS: I Used to Have Cancer. Now I Just Have Herpes!

CULTURE: I Used to Have Cancer. Now I Just Have Herpes!

It's like fighting fire with fire. Except, well—maybe it's more like fighting a 5-Alarm fire with a 4th of July sparkler, if the 4th of July sparkler could kick the 5-Alarm fire's ass, that is. In any case, a group of resourceful scientists have genetically modified the cold sore-causing Herpes virus so that it grows in specific cancer cells, killing them in the process.

Take that, colon cancer! You thought you were so tough, but your ass got kicked by Herpes—and not even the hard-core genital kind, just wee little oral Herpes. Loser.

I know that the genetically altered virus is reportedly safe for healthy tissue and all that jazz, but seriously, even if it wasn't, who wouldn't happily trade colon cancer for Herpes?

"I Used to Have Cancer. Now I Just Have Herpes! Yippee!"

What I want to know is, what's next on the scientists' agenda? Maybe curing Herpes with Cancer?

Um... wouldn't that be a bitch of a decision to make?

.... .... (deep breathe) .... (exhale) ...... at a loss for words. Great breakthrough, but...is it? I'm speechless.

Well, one is a perpetual embarrassing nuisance and one will straight-up kill you. I don't know, given the choices I think I could live with the nuisance.

My father, towards the end, was on several experimental treatments at MD Anderson Cancer Hospital. One of them was something akin to this. If not this because towards the end, he now had herpes because of the treatment. He had CLL.

Fuck, I've already had the wussy oral herpes for years. I only ever get an outbreak maybe once or twice a year, and I can make the sore go away within about two days. Even if I get it more frequently, killing the cancer dead is a serious improvement.

Wicked.

Seeing as so much of america already has oral herpes (how many cold sores do we see throughout the winter?), who cares?

Also, if the strain only grows in cancer cells, then it's not going to present as a cold sore anyway.

And even if it was genital herpes... that just requires careful attention to detail and it isn't a completely horrible thing. Death... death is horrible. I'd take a life of masturbating over porn as my only sexual outlet (if you want to go to extremes) to a lack of life any day.

I don't think it would be difficult at all. Hell, even if it were genital herpes, I'd be filling my Valtrex prescription with pride.

I've had oral herpes nearly my entire fucking life, but like Kleio said, its usually gone in a couple days anyway. and like bardsatyr said: they claim it only effects cancer cells. So score one for medicine!

why not, I'd rather have something less threatening than cancer !

no shit, i don't even see a choice there, just a smart decision.


and hooray for medical breakthroughs!!

I can't be the only person who got turned on by that story, right?

Let's kiss

This one's for everyone who whines about the "waste" of resources in non-cancer related research: enjoy your herpes.

I knew an old lady who swallowed some syphilis, I don't know why she swallowed that syphilis

She swallowed the syphilis to catch the gonorrhea to catch the chlamydia to catch the herpes to catch the cancer..

Perhaps she'll die.

Awesome

this breakthrough is brilliant.

the people that question whether or not they'd take herpes over cancer? quite possibily even more brilliant.

Yah but, if someone tells me they have anal herpes from cancer, I'm still gonna question the cancer part...

Eh. If it were genital herpes vs. cancer it'd be a tougher fight, because the sores can make sex, urination, or any sort of contact painful. (Oh the things I learn in sex ed.) But even genital herpes is really just seriously annoying and embarrassing. Oral herpes doesn't even really have the embarrassing stigma - it's not pretty, sure, but a lot of people have it so it's not a big deal.

All in all, if it's oral herpes vs. cancer that may require parts of my intestines to be removed or a colostomy bag before possible death - fuck that, give me herpes.

Agreed.

having had cancer, i think i can safely say that i'd take some mutant herpes over that again any day of any week of any year. lets break it down. notwithstanding the lethality of cancer (which makes this whole thing moot, but whatever) unmodified herpes (and its safe to say that the modified version wouldn't do this, making all this thrice moot, but i still continue) manifests as an occasional, unsightly outbreak. cancer has no visible manifestation generally, until you find it, and then it is characterized by living in constant terror of every unusual physical symptom for fear it could be cancer coming back.

yeah, i'll take herpes.