NEWS: Too Much Michael Moore? (Not a Fat Joke)

I want to make babies with this thread.

Man, I hope this thread gets a mention on Best Week Ever.

Dear Hal

Maybe you mightn't remember this episode, but a while back in the Guitar group here, I posted a few snarky comments about "shredding". I can be impressed by the technical proficiency and whatnot, but I find a lot of the music that shredders play fairly dull. I mean, name me a cool Vinnie Moore track, or a memorable Tony McAlpine song that people will remember for something other than "Crikey, that's fast!"

OK, my tone was probably a bit snarked-up, but hey.

You went ballistic! I mean, ballistic like I wondered whether some random road-rage warrior had adopted your name as an internet persona.

You compared me to Bill O'Reilly!

I mean, I meant what I said when I said it (and stand by it) -- but in the big scheme of things, we're just sitting around the fire, drinking beers and talking shit with one another.

It's not that big a deal.

I think TheCoolerKing is taking a bit of a cheap shot here, but, y'know, so what? There are worse things. And, big picture, Moore has to take some responsibility for his own reputation.

Peace
TFOK

I sort of assumed there that FTR was joking with me about my portrayal of him in a gimp mask.

If I did in fact alarm him, he should tell me, so I may issue a formal apology.

Hi Paul Scheer! Human Giant's the best sketch comedy show since Upright Citizen's Brigade!

Here's a picture of my tits!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Call me, bald lightning.

Some things read a lot harsher than they would sound if they were spoken. So If I made you feel bagged on I apologize.

Point taken.

Cheers

Hal

p.s. Have you heard the New Steve Vai record? Crikey That's fast!

You know, don't tell my cool-indie-kid friends, but I quite like Steve Vai.

I met him once. We chatted about Jeff Buckley (for like, a minute, maybe).

Where you freaked out by his alarmingly long fingers? His hands look like the face hugger from alien.

How do you think I comfort myself at night, in my "I'll never play like Steve Vai?" moments of existential angst?

He. Has. Freakishly. Long. Fingers.

I accept it, and move on.

I do not consider myself to be a reporter. I'm writing a column of a titty site. Reporters write in things like the NY Times. There is a difference, I'm afraid. Just because you crave attention is such a deperate manner that you use your real name in entirety on a site on which nearly everyone has a fake name, including the owners, as well as posting a "rock and roll" picture, in a desperate attempt to overcome you inherent feminine qualities, does not mean that I should do the same.

I remember a few years ago I attended the G-4 awards to check out the new Halo 2 that was about to be released. And there I saw you, all of your giant manly talent, crammed into a Zelda outfit. At that moment in time I did not think I could have a lower opinion of your abilities as a performer. I was wrong. You have shown me the light on these boards. You are inherently unfunny. You have zero respect from other comedians. Your name is floated out there with other comedic greats like Marc Price and Dustin Diamond, aka, "Screech."

The fact that you have a total absense of healthy shame shouldn't be my problem.

See, if you had healthy shame you would feel that you had done something "wrong." By "wrong" I am referring to your career and attempts at entertaining people. I have had the misfortune of watching you perform stand up comedy, and believe me, I felt quite a bit of health shame for you. But you feel no remorse, you actually seem to think you have done something worthy of looking down on other people and calling them "extras." It is quite odd.

I actually wasn't before. I have now begun to. Are you seeing a difference?

I did not. In both cases, with myself and TheCoolerKing, you went cruel. Feel free to look at the written example. You have the thinnest skin of anyone I have ever seen, your skin is like, oh, shit, what is something that is very feminine..oh, Hal Sparks!

And whenever you're ready to start dishing it out....

Coened. Seriously, fucking Coened.

things?

Wow..so now it's fag jokes? And I'm supposed to be ashamed of myself because you hide? Why would you write for a site you have no respect for? Oh right you don't fearthereaper does.

by the way, I was making an analogy. You don't think I meant you when I said reporter did you? You did.

Really? Was it good? What's your screen name on there? FearTheReaper sounds like a good Halo 2 name.

Wow! thanks for the attention! Did you hear that everybody? He floated my name! He floated my name!

[QUOTE} you actually seem to think you have done something worthy of looking down on other people and calling them "extras." It is quite odd.

I didn't call you an extra. All the extras in Eyes Wide Shut wore masks so they could fuck people without people knowing who they were. Do you get it now?

Yes. Your attacks have gotten very personal and homophobic. It's a lovely change.

Again...yes I get it. Feminine is bad. Masculine is good. So says the masked hamster.

Why do I picture you in a bib holding a spoon?