NEWS: Laziness Impedes a Blowjob's Ability to Supercede the Law

CULTURE: Laziness Impedes a Blowjob's Ability to Supercede the Law

Will wonders never cease? I’ve always thought blowing a state trooper was a sure-fire way to get out of a speeding ticket. Leave it to porn-star Barbie Cummings to tear down the walls of my delusion, effectively proving no one escapes the long arm of the law through blowjobbery or other means. She had it in the bag, too, but last minute laziness sealed her fate. Read on, dear reader.

If you’re not familiar with the story, here's a recap: 2 months back, Justis Richert a.k.a. “Barbie Cummings” (very NSFW) gets pulled over by State Trooper James Randy Moss for speeding. Said copper finds a wee bag of “happy pills” in her car and allegedly launches into his Bad Lieutenant schtick. Justis a.k.a. Brandie explains she’s a thoroughbred porn-star; he tosses out the pills. They head to his cruiser where through the magic of police laptops and the interweb, they watch some of her porn vids, and he gets treated to a relaxing, questionably-coerced hummer. Afterwards he slaps her with a hefty speeding ticket; nice guy, huh.

What Officer Dick-For-Brains didn’t count on, however, is the insidious power of the typed word and that uncaring bitch better known as the internet, both of which would come back to haunt him through Ms. Cummings explicitly detailed BLOG (NSFW; this is a newer blog, the original has since been taken down). The very same day the dirty deeds went down, our lady posted an account of the naughtiness, though it should be noted that Brandie was a very willing participant, and she didn't want the lecherous swine to get in any trouble.

At some point over the next few days, Officer Moss, understandably proud of his ability to pow-wow with a porn-star, asked her if she minded if he shared his story with his co-workers; she, being a porn-star, couldn't care less. He also made the brilliant decision to email her the video and photos he had shot of their sexcapade, which Ms. Cummings immediately posted to her blog. As you'd imagine, such great secrets always come to light, and a media maelstrom would ensue. Here she is holding her ticket, looking slightly inhuman:


(By Michael Patrick, Knoxville News Sentinel)

Fast forward to now. Fuckhead Officer-of-the-Year James Randy Moss has voluntarily resigned, which was smart, I suppose, because he would have been fired for misconduct or tampering with evidence.

In the aftermath of his resignation all of his recent traffic charges were dismissed, provided the motorists appeared in court. You see, in Tennessee, like several other states, if the officer who issued the ticket fails to show up when it's being contested, the fine is tossed out. However, the opposite also holds true: should the motorist fail to appear, he/she must pay in full. As you’ve probably guessed, after the whole sordid ordeal, Justis a.k.a. Barbie failed to drag her tanned backside to court, and must now pay the whopping sum of $159. Justis, as they say, has been served.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere. If you’re a cop, don’t be a giant piece of shit, and if you insist on being one, avoid creating incriminating videotapes and sharing them with your conquests. Bragging to coworkers is also not the best idea. If you’re a porn-star, blowing a cop can get you out of drug possession charges, and possibly get you out of a speeding ticket provided you’re not too lazy and/or vapid to appear in court. And for the rest of you: don't fuck with the law; sometimes it fucks back and stiffs you with the bill, which is shitty.

Isn't labeling a site you're linking to from this site a bit superfluous?

Anyhow, hilarious. Fucking hilarious.

never worked for me either.

wow. LMAO!
& she's one ugly bitch

Both parties were immature asswipes in this case. The cop is no more idiotic or wrong than the chick. Trying to suck off a cop to get out of a drug charge is pretty fucking trashy. And just plain wrong, on every level.

Yeah, that too.

But procrastination always pays off now!

That's an interesting blog she's got there.

She's a porn-star? Were they digging for the bottom of the barrel?

yeah, no kidding...how long do you think that marraige will last? but, then again, what do i know?

Isn't that the truth... ...LOL

Yeah, she mentions in one entry that she wants to get banged by a dog. Interesting to say the least.

Here she is, holding his ticket.

Like the part where she describes what she does to herself with a bottle of mascara.. or how she was addicted to crystal meth in high school...LOL

Or the part were she peed in the street for fun, got it all over her dress, but still went partying!

WEEEEEE!

Class.

That's just how we roll here.

It's stories like this that make life worth living - in a desconstructive sense.

I'm sure a lot of fathers gave their daughters and extra talking to after our own mass media publicly annouced a sure fire way to get "charges dropped" among other things!


Ha Ha chaos to the status quo!

it would have only been better if the cop was a freak and had Barbie jam his nightstick up his ass!

Now that'd be one heck of a video!

Ew.

What a tard of a cop.

What a tard of a woman.