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TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUN 14, 2007 01:21 PM



Finally! An awards ceremony I'd consider watching.

Sixth-grader Matt Porter didn't enjoy getting "Most Likely Not To Have Children" and "Sir Clowns-a-Lot" awards from two teachers at his school.

Matt said he received the awards in front of classmates during a ceremony at the Decatur Intermediate Learning Center at the end of the recently finished school year. His mother and his stepfather have asked the Decatur Township school system to reprimand the teachers, and they want an apology.


Oh no! Not the "Sir Clowns–a–Lot" award! What’s next, the dreaded “Lord Silly-Pants” award? “Captain Messy-Margins?” How will he ever recover??? I mean, it’s not like, he could’ve just shrugged it off. Sure, it appears as if he’s a class clown and should have a sense of humor but why on Earth would you want to get in the spirit and laugh at yourself. Why would we teach that? It’s not like there’s an epidemic out of control kids in this country. This story is probably the first of many, "teachers are evil," reports that will sweep the nation. After all, they are grossly overpaid for an unimportant job.

"Words cut deeper than any knife could. They hurt," said his stepfather, Joseph Sims. "When you hurt a child like that, you not only hurt him mentally, but it does hurt physically because you withdraw within yourself. That is what Matthew has done."


Well put... Spoken like a true "person who has never been cut deeply by a knife.” I'm assuming a careless typo is the reason the title of "Dr." doesn't precede his name. Also, “withdrawing within yourself”? Actually an example of being hurt mentally.

"They (were) putting us down and everything," he said. "That is not what their job is for, to put kids down. They are supposed to teach us."


Ahh, who better to comment on a teacher’s role in the classroom, than a student.

Amy Sims said her son needs counseling because of the awards. The school has offered it, but an agreement on who will provide it has not been reached, Thomas reported.


That's not the reason he needs counseling. Your son is a baby. So are you. I can't help but think about how much better the world would be if you'd received the "Most Likely Not To Have Children Award."

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JUN 14, 2007 02:07 PM

Ha !
I like this story a lot.

and

That's not the reason he needs counseling. Your son is a baby. So are you. I can't help but think about how much better the world would be if you'd received the "Most Likely Not To Have Children Award."

sums it up PERFECTLY !

RileyStClair

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA
September 2006

JUN 14, 2007 02:11 PM

That's not the reason he needs counseling. Your son is a baby. So are you. I can't help but think about how much better the world would be if you'd received the "Most Likely Not To Have Children Award."



brilliant

CherryCoke

CherryCoke

Derry, NH
May 2007

JUN 14, 2007 02:25 PM

I feel so bad for teachers.
This story is the exact reason I decided not to become a teacher.
Kids are a hell of a lot tougher than their parents think they are. I mean, if they weren't, how would the human race have survived so long? By now we should all be withdrawn into ourselves and hurting to mentally to have children...Either that or dead.

Solaris

Solaris

SUICIDEGIRL

British Columbia, Canada

JUN 14, 2007 02:31 PM

this article is written by a person who has obviously never been called sir-clowns-alot. do you realize how much that hurts? a knife is nothing in comparison. i am pretty sure it is more like being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid.

stinkypants

stinkypants

Olathe, KS
March 2007

JUN 14, 2007 02:32 PM

having been on the receiving end of numerous pranks and bullying's in school i can understand where it would be hurtful however as an adult i have seen that parents are the ones who create the crybaby mentality in kids. Overprotective mollycoddling parents who think that their kids are the center of the universe and never allow them to receive the social scrapes and bruises of childhood turn them into the social misanthropes of adulthood.
more than likely the kid thought it was funny and his parents raised a stink and then he decided to milk it

grow up mom and dad or junior just might become the next shooter in high school or college

erin_broadley

erin_broadley

Los Angeles, CA
October 2006

JUN 14, 2007 02:32 PM

i wish my nickname was "captain messy margins"

unravled

unravled

Portland, OR
August 2003

JUN 14, 2007 02:36 PM

I'm going to have to disagree here. I don't necessarily think the kid needs counseling over it, but why would a teacher or a school think "Most Likely Not To Have Children" was an appropriate award?

Grimloche

Grimloche

Danville, VA
September 2006

JUN 14, 2007 02:36 PM

speaking as a former sir-clowns-a-lot... i do in fact clown-a-lot. although senior year it was called funniest in the class and i'm quite proud of it. sir-clowns-a-lot would have been funnier though. i don't even understand most likely not to have kids. what's the point of it. does that mean im not going to have kids because im funny? if so that's fucked up.

CherryCoke

CherryCoke

Derry, NH
May 2007

JUN 14, 2007 02:41 PM

Solaris said:
this article is written by a person who has obviously never been called sir-clowns-alot. do you realize how much that hurts? a knife is nothing in comparison. i am pretty sure it is more like being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid.


When I was in the fourth grade I got the "class packrat" award and all the belongings in my desk were dumped on the floor in front of the class.
I dealt with it just fine without my parents having to come to the school to hold my hand and get me counseling.

Fraiya

Fraiya

SUICIDEGIRL

Pennsylvania, USA

JUN 14, 2007 02:56 PM

Solaris said:
this article is written by a person who has obviously never been called sir-clowns-alot. do you realize how much that hurts? a knife is nothing in comparison. i am pretty sure it is more like being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid.



dubbed the class clown = being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid???

That's a bit much don't ya think. And wouldn't a class clown have a sense of humor? If I was called a class clown I'd probably ohhhh I don't know...laugh???

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Baton Rouge, LA
January 2006

JUN 14, 2007 02:57 PM

unravled said:
I'm going to have to disagree here. I don't necessarily think the kid needs counseling over it, but why would a teacher or a school think "Most Likely Not To Have Children" was an appropriate award?



+1

unravled

unravled

Portland, OR
August 2003

JUN 14, 2007 02:58 PM

Fraiya said:

Solaris said:
this article is written by a person who has obviously never been called sir-clowns-alot. do you realize how much that hurts? a knife is nothing in comparison. i am pretty sure it is more like being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid.



dubbed the class clown = being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid???

That's a bit much don't ya think. And wouldn't a class clown have a sense of humor? If I was called a class clown I'd probably ohhhh I don't know...laugh???



You know she was joking, right?

drij

drij

North Wales, PA
April 2005

JUN 14, 2007 02:59 PM

Are we sure he's a class clown and not just a really bad krump dancer?

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

JUN 14, 2007 03:02 PM

Named "Most Likely Not to Have Children" (essentially a "No Woman Would Ever Want You" Award) at a sensitive developmental age? Sounds like these teachers were a bunch of bullying douchebags and an apology is the least they could do. Do you have any evidence Matt Porter specifically is an "out of control kid" other than a broad, general article?

Drake

Drake

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

JUN 14, 2007 03:03 PM


Also, "withdrawing within yourself"? Actually an example of being hurt mentally.



Not if he means... LITERALLY!

Jennifer_

Jennifer_

Venezuela
November 2006

JUN 14, 2007 03:07 PM

unravled said:
I'm going to have to disagree here. I don't necessarily think the kid needs counseling over it, but why would a teacher or a school think "Most Likely Not To Have Children" was an appropriate award?


I agree. That's just mean.

Teachers have to be above this kind of thing, otherwise they're in the wrong profession. If you enjoy singling people out for cruel and silly 'awards', then don't become a primary school teacher.

Vestril

Vestril

Coronado, CA
February 2003

JUN 14, 2007 03:12 PM

Teachers who shame and attack kids are cool! Grown adults making fun of little kids are clearly mature and well developed!

makebelieve

makebelieve

Clemmons, NC
February 2007

JUN 14, 2007 03:15 PM

When I was in seventh grade I received the "Most Uncooperative" award in my social studies class, which led to many years of a spiralling downfall until my mid twenties when I finally cracked and had to start my regressive therapy. I am sure that's where all my problems started. It couldn't have been that I was acting out in class so much because I already had undefined issues. Nope. Must have been Mr. Lambrecht's fault for giving me that award.

Although I do think the "Most Likely Not to Have Children" is a bit harsh. But it's not as if the award was "Most Likely Shouldn't Have Children".

MrGinger

MrGinger

San Rafael, CA
November 2003

JUN 14, 2007 03:20 PM

derision

RileyStClair

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA
September 2006

JUN 14, 2007 03:23 PM

RudieCantFail said:

unravled said:
I'm going to have to disagree here. I don't necessarily think the kid needs counseling over it, but why would a teacher or a school think "Most Likely Not To Have Children" was an appropriate award?



+1



yeah i don't even really know what that means...like, that girls won't want him or something? that seems unnecessary.

the clowns-a-lot thing is totally benign, but this other thing is mildly disturbing. why would teachers even be able to evaluate the desirability of sixth graders to the opposite sex? ew.

Saraah

Saraah

Los Angeles, CA
March 2007

JUN 14, 2007 03:24 PM

RhymesWithPafi said:
Named "Most Likely Not to Have Children" (essentially a "No Woman Would Ever Want You" Award) at a sensitive developmental age?


unravled said:
I'm going to have to disagree here. I don't necessarily think the kid needs counseling over it, but why would a teacher or a school think "Most Likely Not To Have Children" was an appropriate award?




Um...really? Admittedly "Most Likely Not To Have Children" is a confusing award title. But I think it's a laughable reach for us to assume it means "Most Likely Not to Have Sex". Especially when the other award is "Sir Clowns-a-Lot".

Why can't it be that he has expressed (as kids often do) a constant disgust with girls/marriage/kids. Or that he is annoyed by the younger kids. Or that it's an in-joke that we know nothing about because we weren't teaching the kid for a year.

I won the "Most like Mike" award in 11th grade. Anyone want to speculate on how much damage it did? OMG, were they calling me a man!? They probably were!

And for fuck's sake, COUNSELING? Come on.

SouGei

SouGei

Blackwood, NJ
January 2007

JUN 14, 2007 03:24 PM

People least qualified to be parents ALWAYS have them. You know that kid's gonna knock up as many chicks as possible now, or have 20 kids with one.

On the other hand, I was constantly humiliated in Catholic school. I'd rather be mad at it than have turned out a pussy. Kids have gotta be punished, this school just went about it wrong. Can't make the kid worse.

Solaris

Solaris

SUICIDEGIRL

British Columbia, Canada

JUN 14, 2007 03:24 PM

Fraiya said:

Solaris said:
this article is written by a person who has obviously never been called sir-clowns-alot. do you realize how much that hurts? a knife is nothing in comparison. i am pretty sure it is more like being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid.



dubbed the class clown = being lit on fire while shot with a bullet covered in acid???

That's a bit much don't ya think. And wouldn't a class clown have a sense of humor? If I was called a class clown I'd probably ohhhh I don't know...laugh???



i am kind of scared that you didn't realize i was being sarcastic. no, scratch that. really scared.

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

JUN 14, 2007 03:26 PM

Sir Clowns-a-Lot: fucking awesome and total chick-magnet title.

Most Likely to Not Have Children: pretty mean-spirited and rude.

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