NEWS: Well, Maybe Your Son's a Jerk.

CULTURE: Well, Maybe Your Son's a Jerk.

Finally! An awards ceremony I'd consider watching.

Oh no! Not the "Sir Clowns–a–Lot" award! What’s next, the dreaded “Lord Silly-Pants” award? “Captain Messy-Margins?” How will he ever recover??? I mean, it’s not like, he could’ve just shrugged it off. Sure, it appears as if he’s a class clown and should have a sense of humor but why on Earth would you want to get in the spirit and laugh at yourself. Why would we teach that? It’s not like there’s an epidemic out of control kids in this country. This story is probably the first of many, "teachers are evil," reports that will sweep the nation. After all, they are grossly overpaid for an unimportant job.

Well put... Spoken like a true "person who has never been cut deeply by a knife.” I'm assuming a careless typo is the reason the title of "Dr." doesn't precede his name. Also, “withdrawing within yourself”? Actually an example of being hurt mentally.

Ahh, who better to comment on a teacher’s role in the classroom, than a student.

That's not the reason he needs counseling. Your son is a baby. So are you. I can't help but think about how much better the world would be if you'd received the "Most Likely Not To Have Children Award."

Ha !
I like this story a lot.

and

sums it up PERFECTLY !

brilliant

I feel so bad for teachers.
This story is the exact reason I decided not to become a teacher.
Kids are a hell of a lot tougher than their parents think they are. I mean, if they weren't, how would the human race have survived so long? By now we should all be withdrawn into ourselves and hurting to mentally to have children...Either that or dead.

having been on the receiving end of numerous pranks and bullying's in school i can understand where it would be hurtful however as an adult i have seen that parents are the ones who create the crybaby mentality in kids. Overprotective mollycoddling parents who think that their kids are the center of the universe and never allow them to receive the social scrapes and bruises of childhood turn them into the social misanthropes of adulthood.
more than likely the kid thought it was funny and his parents raised a stink and then he decided to milk it

grow up mom and dad or junior just might become the next shooter in high school or college

i wish my nickname was "captain messy margins"

I'm going to have to disagree here. I don't necessarily think the kid needs counseling over it, but why would a teacher or a school think "Most Likely Not To Have Children" was an appropriate award?

speaking as a former sir-clowns-a-lot... i do in fact clown-a-lot. although senior year it was called funniest in the class and i'm quite proud of it. sir-clowns-a-lot would have been funnier though. i don't even understand most likely not to have kids. what's the point of it. does that mean im not going to have kids because im funny? if so that's fucked up.

When I was in the fourth grade I got the "class packrat" award and all the belongings in my desk were dumped on the floor in front of the class.
I dealt with it just fine without my parents having to come to the school to hold my hand and get me counseling.

+1

You know she was joking, right?

Are we sure he's a class clown and not just a really bad krump dancer?

Named "Most Likely Not to Have Children" (essentially a "No Woman Would Ever Want You" Award) at a sensitive developmental age? Sounds like these teachers were a bunch of bullying douchebags and an apology is the least they could do. Do you have any evidence Matt Porter specifically is an "out of control kid" other than a broad, general article?

I agree. That's just mean.

Teachers have to be above this kind of thing, otherwise they're in the wrong profession. If you enjoy singling people out for cruel and silly 'awards', then don't become a primary school teacher.

Teachers who shame and attack kids are cool! Grown adults making fun of little kids are clearly mature and well developed!

When I was in seventh grade I received the "Most Uncooperative" award in my social studies class, which led to many years of a spiralling downfall until my mid twenties when I finally cracked and had to start my regressive therapy. I am sure that's where all my problems started. It couldn't have been that I was acting out in class so much because I already had undefined issues. Nope. Must have been Mr. Lambrecht's fault for giving me that award.

Although I do think the "Most Likely Not to Have Children" is a bit harsh. But it's not as if the award was "Most Likely Shouldn't Have Children".

derision

yeah i don't even really know what that means...like, that girls won't want him or something? that seems unnecessary.

the clowns-a-lot thing is totally benign, but this other thing is mildly disturbing. why would teachers even be able to evaluate the desirability of sixth graders to the opposite sex? ew.

Um...really? Admittedly "Most Likely Not To Have Children" is a confusing award title. But I think it's a laughable reach for us to assume it means "Most Likely Not to Have Sex". Especially when the other award is "Sir Clowns-a-Lot".

Why can't it be that he has expressed (as kids often do) a constant disgust with girls/marriage/kids. Or that he is annoyed by the younger kids. Or that it's an in-joke that we know nothing about because we weren't teaching the kid for a year.

I won the "Most like Mike" award in 11th grade. Anyone want to speculate on how much damage it did? OMG, were they calling me a man!? They probably were!

And for fuck's sake, COUNSELING? Come on.

People least qualified to be parents ALWAYS have them. You know that kid's gonna knock up as many chicks as possible now, or have 20 kids with one.

On the other hand, I was constantly humiliated in Catholic school. I'd rather be mad at it than have turned out a pussy. Kids have gotta be punished, this school just went about it wrong. Can't make the kid worse.

Sir Clowns-a-Lot: fucking awesome and total chick-magnet title.

Most Likely to Not Have Children: pretty mean-spirited and rude.