NEWS: Fake Blood Gets Real

CULTURE: Fake Blood Gets Real

If I were God -- and be thankful I’m not -- I’d be biblically pissed about the newest wave of biomedical researchers stealing my heavenly thunder: those smug scientific heathens, always ripping off my infinitely wise designs. One thing sure to draw the everlasting Wrath of God, which we’ve already discussed this week, is artificial life. But let’s face it: scientists have been copying His blessed ideas all along, what with their artificial organs, pacemakers, hip replacements, glass eyes, dentures, Cochlear implants, prosthetic limbs, fake tits, and so on.

Prepare yourselves, o wretched ones, for the world’s newest unnatural necessity: synthetic blood. Just like synthetic motor oil, laboratory produced blood, when perfected, may prove to be a suitable replacement for the always-in-demand real thing. There may even be additional benefits over donated blood, reports Discovery News:

Best of all, Twyman’s proposed synthetic blood would be made from plastic, which we all should know is made from oil, so Big Oil can also have a market share of what goes into our bodies as well as our cars.

Scientists have neglected to mention whether synthetic blood will taste half as good as it does from the vein, which will surely raise some questions within the vampire community. Creatures of the night aside, my only hope is that with the advent of better fake blood technology, Italian filmmakers can finally lay off the red paint:

Jehovah's Witnesses believe blood is sacred, but they welcome blood substitutes. Not that any of you care, but that's what I thought of after this article.

so what do you think of synthetic blood?

I don't understand what they mean by tasting half as good?

well I wouldn't want to be the first to try it, (see GM foods)

If it lives up to the hype, what's not to like... plus now that it's been synthesized maybe we can come out with all sorts of NEW FLAVORS!

I just bite fat kids.

One time I swear I hit Ragu.

So vampire kool-aid packets?

I have a snake named "Ragu"!

This shit just got real.

The soul is in the blood, which is why the old-fashioned God liked it when you slit a goat throat every now and then, and I always found the concept of a vampire knowing a person's life by drinking their blood interesting. It also makes me wonder... if someone had their blood completely replaced with this artificial stuff, would they become comatose or zombies or at least extremely boring?

But yeah, clean typeless blood would take a lot of pressure off a lot of people in the medical industry. Probably save more lives, too.

If this manufactured blood is really viable, it's a hugely positive step. Blood-stocks always seem to be very low at present, especially for rare types, such as AB Negative. I think this is a great solution to the problem, as long as there are no adverse effects.

Typical, you all miss the real point.
What's gonna happen to all the people who make custom blood mobiles, and shitty cookies and discount orange juice?
It's the military-petrochemical complex tryin' to take over our hemoglobin!!
Or sometin'.....

The plot to how many sci-fi horror movies just went in the crapper right now?

hahah yeah, that sounds about right.

Will fake blood clot like real blood or will a woman on her period bleed out?

I love how you strike a win against god when a scientist FUCKING SPECULATES about creating fake blood. Plus, the medical advances you smirked about in the article are different from divine creation. A replacement hip is a fuckin balljoint. It is not alive, nor are we anywhere close (don't even know if it would be possible) to make it from organic materials much less alive. Your fake hip cannot improve itself, it can only deteriorate. While eventually a real hip will deteriorate, in its prime it does have building/rebuilding capabilities.
When I first found this site I thought it was a really cool idea. but now that I'm here, and read these articles, I can't believe this place contracts these writers. I've read more informed articles in fucking blogs.
I'm soon gonna go find a new place to see tattoos and pussy- like the veterinarian's office (you know, where they are now tattooing the mark of the beast on housepets like cats (pussies). Oh wow, that's sooo advanced. Even god couldn't create a barcode pattern ona cat's skin- we must be the most advanced thing in existence! SWEET!

Risingstanding, I think you miss the point of the article. That bit about prosthetics and replacement hips was meant to be a satire. I guess sarcasm is just lost on some people...

wow, sorry i ruined your porn with my ill-humored ramblings.

for the record, it's not that a scientist speculated that he can create fake blood. many, many groups of researchers have been working on it for years, and this guy is the first who is actually really really close. human testing begins later this year, meaning synthetic blood is already very much a reality, we just don't know when it can be implemented. i put those links in there so you can read the articles i'm quoting, not because i like the pretty pink color.

Are you serious? What the fuck did you think you were getting from a site called "SuicideGirls"?

Sakes...

I wonder if you could get it in colors other than red?!

I want neon pink blood!

Oddly enough, when I read this I heard a giant *WHOOOOOSH* noise. I think it was the sound of the point going right over your head...

I'm holding out for SmartBlood and BrainPals.

Cute!

I want to have iBlood. It will store 3000000 songs on each cell, and play the music directly into my brain. It will also have video capabilities, which will be displayed in a floating fashion in front of me focused about 9 feet out.
iBlood. The new way to iTune out boring professors.