NEWS: True Stories by Rob Corddry: Bi-Quarterly Hollywood Round-up and Pasta Party

CULTURE: True Stories by Rob Corddry: Bi-Quarterly Hollywood Round-up and Pasta Party

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
With Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton hogging the bad-girl spotlight, one party hopper has managed to limbo under the paparazzi’s plumb-line. That girl is, of course, female professional golfer, Michelle Wie. The young Hawaiian native has dodged the DUI designation because, apparently, nose-candy is her drug of choice. Lee is the second youngest female on the Pro Golf Tour, racking up multi-colored jackets all over the world. She enjoys golfing, karaoke, cocaine martinis and “shaving my pussy for when the photo-takers finally notice that I am flashing it all over West Hollywood.” Good luck Michelle! Nothing like a stint in rehab to start you hitting 70-71!



Unpre-dick-table
Jamie Foxx learns how to blow self! Years of Pilates has finally paid of for the hard-working Hollywood star. Add self-felatio to his resume, which is already bursting with words like “acting,” “singing,” and “Oscar.” Yes, Jamie Foxx finally knows the pleasure of wrapping his huge mouth around his own dick.

“I’ve been working hard on my core”, he said. “ I’ve had a history of disc problems but finally, with the help of Bikram Yoga, Transcendental Meditation, and Directional Non-Force Chiropracting, I’ve been able to taste my own cock-skin.”

Great work Jamie! I bet it tastes like success. That or Kanye West’s skull.



Goodnight Sweet Prince
Two nights ago we said good-bye to a venerable television institution. Families all over America watched the much anticipated finale of one of it’s favorite shows and the reception has been as mixed and as controversial as the show itself. It seems fitting that a show that challenged us so consistently would upend our expectations in it’s final hour. It was a show that existed, to a certain extent, in our minds, and there it will have to end. Goodbye “Grease: You're the one that I Want.” We hardly knew ye.



This One is About Paris Hilton
Behind bars, with nothing but her thoughts and a few books, Paris Hilton has, for the first time in her life, achieved a modest level of self awareness. “Wow. There may or may not be a god,” she was said to muse in the line for marshmallow salad.

She recently told Barbra Walters that, “I pretend to be an idiot most of the time and now I have nothing to do but ponder that. I’m sure that, after I’m released, I will return to not thinking about stuff. I guess I am an idiot. I can’t wait to forget that realization.”

We can only hope that her vagina gets caught shoplifting so that she can spend more quality time with her conscience.



Seriously, I Need Help
Sometimes when I am peeing I have a barely controllable urge to touch my pee-stream. I know it will do little harm, because I can immediately wash my hands afterwards. But I’m worried that this says something about my personality. I hope I’m not a serial killer.



Get Used to It!
“The highly anticipated iPhone, to be released on June 29th at 6pm, will be homosexual,” Steve Jobs announced today at the annual WWDC in Downtown San Francisco. Speculation that the iPhone would be gay has been referenced on Tech blogs like CNET.com and Gizmodo but most gadget-geeks are waiting to hear about whether third party applications will be able to be written for the much-ballyhooed smart-phone.

“I’m waiting to hear more about the controversial EDGE wi-fi network,” said David Pogue of the New York Times, “I don’t care who the phone fucks.”

Steve Jobs had little to say about how the iPhone’s sexuality would affect it’s price or battery life, saying only that it is “as God made it…totally queer.”



Rob Corddry is an actor. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.

is that one about jamie foxx true? If so thats fucking funny. I didnt even read the part about paris hilton, fuck her, fuck her right up her watermellon sized vagina

Everything Rob writes is truth.

I know what you mean about that pee stream thing. I thought I was the only one with that compusion. I haven't done it yet either, but maybe I'll try touching the pee with my new gay phone.

the urge to touch your pee doesn't make you a serial killer. all those people you kill in a highly ritualized fashion and then prop up in a macabre echo of a stereotypical perfect family scene around the dinner table, enjoying one final meal... that's what make you a serial killer.

It's strange because I have the urge to pee on myself while administering self cunnalingus. I'm quite sure that says volumes about my personality. I've also heard rumors it's good for acne.

I'd pay to see that

+1

yeah, can't you people read? the column is "true stories"

Oh, the iPhone. I can't wait to stop hearing about that one.

Michelle Lee?

this is the best thing i've read all day!!!

twenty points for referencing The Big Lebowski without talking about it.

Wu peed on my cellphone

Now what does that say about YOU?

That SG is definitely the place for all of us! Fuck....I am getting chocked up!

what might paris hilton's vagina get caught shoplifting...?

tampons

smelly fish

My phone drives a Peugot. Does this mean it's gay?

I'm sure it will pick up the first thing that comes along.