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6/13/07

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_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

JUN 10, 2007 10:05 AM



Late last week, TheCoolerKing was there on the front line, bringing you breaking news as Paris Hilton pulled a Get Out of Jail Free card out of who-knows-where and was promptly released from the L.A. Detention Center, whereupon she immediately passed Go and collected $200 in cupcakes. Now, I regret to tell you that I am the bearer of much more somber news: on Friday, a judge ordered her back to jail to complete her sentence, and this time, our little Monopoly champ will not fight back.

Paris Hilton says she will not appeal against her 45-day jail sentence for violating probation on a driving ban.

She is being held at a detention centre in Los Angeles, where she was believed to have undergone medical and psychiatric tests.

On Friday a judge ordered her back to jail, ending a brief stint under house arrest at her Hollywood Hills home. She was taken screaming from the court.



Incidentally, she has just issued a statement explaining her position, and I can only describe it as truly heartrending:

Today I told my attorneys not to appeal the judge’s decision. While I greatly appreciate the Sheriff’s concern for my health and welfare, after meeting with doctors I intend to serve my time as ordered by the judge.

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to reflect and have already learned a bitter, but important lesson from this experience.



Oh, Paris. You brought this on yourself, you know. If you'd only taken your sentence like a man, you'd be a couple days closer to done with this whole mess. Kind of like those real estate signs by the side of the freeway that say "If you lived here, you'd be home right now." But instead, you made a scene; then you went home and consoled yourself with delicious baked goods, drawing smarmy modern-day Marie Antoinette comparisons from journalists across the globe, by which I mean my living room. The ax had to come down sometime.

But all is not lost; it would seem that these days of introspection and desserts have made her a better, more eloquent woman. Perhaps we, too, can learn from her ordeal.

As I have said before, I hope others will learn from my mistake. I have also had time to read the mail from my fans. I very much appreciate all of their good wishes and hope they will keep their letters coming.

I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places around the world.



Spoken like a winner. Or a winner's publicist. Whatever. Godspeed and God bless, you angel of the media. We're all pulling for you here at the station.

commonman

commonman

USA
August 2003

JUN 10, 2007 12:16 PM

Screw Paris Hilton and the horse she rode in on.

trout78

trout78

North Las Vegas, NV
March 2006

JUN 10, 2007 12:28 PM

i would rather screw the horse...

JoLeigh

JoLeigh

SUICIDEGIRL

Florida, USA

JUN 10, 2007 12:30 PM

I laughed so hard when I heard she was going back hahahaha


how the hell is she shocked she is a paparazzi whore!
lame

erratic_prophet

erratic_prophet

San Diego, CA
December 2006

JUN 10, 2007 12:31 PM

trout78 said:
i would rather screw the horse...



At least the horse probably won't give you Hepatitis

TPring

TPring

Saint Petersburg, FL
December 2005

JUN 10, 2007 12:35 PM

I just want to know why none of these girls (her, lindsey..) have drivers?!

ShadowDrgn

ShadowDrgn

Boca Raton, FL
August 2006

JUN 10, 2007 12:37 PM

Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...

Cairo

Cairo

SUICIDEGIRL

Maryland, USA

JUN 10, 2007 12:41 PM

ShadowDrgn said:
Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...



This is such a pet peeve of mine. Please don't bash the writing skills of others if you have none of your own.

Nea

Nea

New York, NY
October 2006

JUN 10, 2007 12:43 PM

zoom image

OctEgon

OctEgon

Tustin, CA
July 2005

JUN 10, 2007 12:51 PM

That would be awesome if they let her out again only to drag her back once more. It's like watching the psychological effects on a lab rat.

ShadowDrgn

ShadowDrgn

Boca Raton, FL
August 2006

JUN 10, 2007 12:52 PM

Cairo said:

ShadowDrgn said:
Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...



This is such a pet peeve of mine. Please don't bash the writing skills of others if you have none of your own.




my ' buttons broke it just now worked for first time, and im not bashing her writing skills, she doesnt have any to bash

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JUN 10, 2007 12:53 PM

Should be

"after meeting with the judge, I intend to do what I have absolutely no way left of getting out of because I was thrown into shackles, dragged away and forced to. "



Nice of her though to finally show a glimmer of dignity. I'm sure her fans are very proud.
Both of them.

TafkanX

tafkanx

Ridgecrest, CA
November 2005

JUN 10, 2007 12:55 PM

Cairo said:

ShadowDrgn said:
Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...



This is such a pet peeve of mine. Please don't bash the writing skills of others if you have none of your own.



Seconded.

TAFKASP

TAFKASP

Oakland, CA
June 2003

JUN 10, 2007 12:55 PM

ShadowDrgn said:

Cairo said:

ShadowDrgn said:
Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...



This is such a pet peeve of mine. Please don't bash the writing skills of others if you have none of your own.




my ' buttons broke it just now worked for first time, and im not bashing her writing skills, she doesnt have any to bash



That explains the contractions, but what about the rest of the errors?

KushielsScion

KushielsScion

Gardendale, AL
May 2004

JUN 10, 2007 12:59 PM

Props to her publicist. He or she wrote a great statement. Props to the judge too. It's about time she realized that some people aren't won over by her fake stupidity and cluelessness and realize it's just a gimmick to excuse the fact that she's a spoiled bitch.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JUN 10, 2007 01:00 PM

cna't seem to find teh wright key

ShadowDrgn

ShadowDrgn

Boca Raton, FL
August 2006

JUN 10, 2007 01:02 PM

SuicidePuppies said:

ShadowDrgn said:

Cairo said:

ShadowDrgn said:
Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...



This is such a pet peeve of mine. Please don't bash the writing skills of others if you have none of your own.




my ' buttons broke it just now worked for first time, and im not bashing her writing skills, she doesnt have any to bash



That explains the contractions, but what about the rest of the errors?



The fact that i cant write properly? prolly just cause i dont care enough to try to, but im also not writing a book, i make pointless/useless messages on a website, not write a book for people to read

Jasper

Jasper

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

JUN 10, 2007 01:05 PM

ShadowDrgn said:

Cairo said:

ShadowDrgn said:
Whats worse is when this is over shell wright a book telling her "HORROR" stories of being in jail, i mean have someone write if for her since she cant write....... Shes a perfect example on why parents need to BEAT there kids ...



This is such a pet peeve of mine. Please don't bash the writing skills of others if you have none of your own.




my ' buttons broke it just now worked for first time, and im not bashing her writing skills, she doesnt have any to bash



Your ' button makes you spell "write" wrong and makes you use "there" when it should be "their"?

TAFKASP

TAFKASP

Oakland, CA
June 2003

JUN 10, 2007 01:07 PM

ShadowDrgn said:
The fact that i cant write properly? prolly just cause i dont care enough to try to, but im also not writing a book, i make pointless/useless messages on a website, not write a book for people to read



Off course. It all makes purfect cents too me now.

JosieV

JosieV

Lawrence, KS
May 2006

JUN 10, 2007 01:12 PM

Back onto topic....

It makes me laugh that before going in she was quoted as saying she's ready to accept responsibility for her actions and serve her time.

If that's the case, then why did she try and buy her way out of jail?

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

JUN 10, 2007 01:19 PM

My esteem for Marie Antoinette has been growing on a daily basis.

ggrowler

ggrowler

Sarasota, FL
May 2007

JUN 10, 2007 01:23 PM

I just think it's stupid that theyre making a point to make an example of her because every one think she's just some spoiled hollywood brat. I've had friends get dui's and continue to drive on a suspended, and some of them go to jail for about a month along with the 12,000$ fine and some of them get off easier. I'm willing to bet that every big time celebrity or media star that bashed her in this case is never going to see the inside of a Hilton hotel for the rest of his/her life. I'm also willing to bet there's alot worse behaved young women out there than a rich paris hilton that really deserve what's coming to them. At least she has money to contribute to society.

Yeah, it's entirely possible to blow a .08 on one cocktail. I'm 104lbs and I know I can. I can also drive pretty damn well on about 3 or 4 of those (not that I still do). The only difference between her and I is that some horny cop recognized her and pulled her over. I guess what Im saying is that maybe you guys shouldnt be so quick to blast her. How many of you have ever gone bar hopping in between drinks? If youre my size and you get pulled over on a whim or a dui check point after just 1 drink, you could get a dui. Yeah, really.

zyryx

zyryx

Tyler, TX
April 2004

JUN 10, 2007 01:28 PM

I for one wish her a speedy recovery from her breakdown, so she can be released into the general population where she will hopefully be shived, or at the very least receive horrible facial scars while being jumped and beaten by an angry mob.

ShadowDrgn

ShadowDrgn

Boca Raton, FL
August 2006

JUN 10, 2007 01:33 PM

Trahern

Trahern

United Kingdom
March 2003

JUN 10, 2007 01:36 PM

Got to see this on the Portuguese news.

Cop: Paris Hilton is going back to jail to serve the rest of her sentence.

Male Audience Member: NOOOOOOOO!!

Female Audience Member: Shut up.

biggrin

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