NEWS: Prisoner on Death Row Wants to Die Laughing

CULTURE: Prisoner on Death Row Wants to Die Laughing

If there’s one benefit of knowing exactly when you’ll die -- say, if you’re on death row -- it’s that you’ve got plenty of time to think of a clever send off. The rest of us have to rely on spur of the moment wit which would most likely abandon us when faced with a speeding train or a chainsaw wielding cannibal. Ten to one, my last words will be dull and forgettable, just a tossed-off "shit" as an angry reader dashes my brains out.

A death row inmate in Livingston, Texas, faced with just such a dilemma, has turned to the public for help in finding the perfect words to immortalize his death. According to the AP:

Insensitive, yes, but quite a few people have responded to his request: so far Knight has been sent about 250 jokes via e-mail and snail-mail. Other famous last words of executed prisoners include:

• "How about this for tomorrow’s paper? French fries."
-James French, executed by electric chair, 1966.


• "I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
-Thomas J. Grasso, executed by lethal injection, 1995.


• "Remember, the death penalty is murder."
-Robert Drew, executed by lethal injection, 1994.


• "Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel."
-George Appel, executed by electric chair, 1928.

Aaron Lariviere doesn’t especially like the death penalty, nor does he endorse the use of death row as a sad late-life attempt at comedy. When all is said and done, however, his morbid nature will likely cause him to chuckle. And no, he doesn’t have this guy’s email address.

I still dig Poncho Villa's last words;
"No! It cant end like this! Tell them I said something important..."

- Peace and Sabotage
Wyatt

"A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says..."

*executioner pulls switch*

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I am so, so sorry. That was horrible.

your story reminded me of something i read in the news recently:

No such thing as bad press??? ha

Being a hardcore raider fan myself at first I thought "that son of a bitch" but the more I thought about it I realized the profile is pretty accurate

Joe Hill's last words: Ready, Aim, Fire.

So, the Sheriff is calling the guy insensitive? Huh? Like, he's not sensitive to the sheriff's desire to watch him die in peace? I just don't get it.

I like how it's mostly us writers with the evil sense of humor... fuck yeah, go raiders.

i like the one where for his last meal he ordered a bag of corn kernals and a bottle of oil

hahahah

To quote Steve Martin:

"Say -- do you mind if I smoke?"

"No! Do you mind if I fart?"

Hmm. Methinks "Say -- do you mind if I smoke?" would be great last words from the electric chair!

_DictionaryGirl_ said:
"A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says..."

*executioner pulls switch*

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I am so, so sorry. That was horrible.

Best joke I've heard today!

_DictionaryGirl_ said:
"A naked blonde walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says..."

*executioner pulls switch*

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I am so, so sorry. That was horrible.

I think Judd Nelson owns that one, though.

I don't know. This guy's actions are sixteen years old, even if the consequences are effectively infinite. From the sound of it, he's not exactly arguing either his innocence or the injustice of his coming execution. He wants a joke?

"Three blind mice walk into a bar...

if he really wants to go for the gold, he needs to step it up and write a joke himself, something like:

"so a guy goes into his neighbours' house and shoots them..."

Wait a minute...from famous last words...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey in 1991?

His famous last words were from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey? That is AWESOME!!!!

If it were me I'd probably set it up for a really big punchline, then take it to the grave with me.

well, we do encourage people who stay true to themselves.

A baby seal walks into a club...

"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do!"

"What a crowd! You guys are KILLING me!"

In Soviet Russia...

Murderers kill you?

ROTFLMFAO

SPOILERS! (Click to view)