Is it normal to fear moving in with your SO

Hey every one,

I am currently waiting to move back up to university in thunder bay ontario but this year is alittle different becauseI'm going to beliving with my SO of nearly a year. I care for her greatly, but I'm nervious as hell of moving in with her. We have already put first and last down on this place so there is no getting cold feet.

Another problem is at the end of next year I can not go back to Thunder bay due to the fact I want to get into Westerns Grad program. They do not ever accept lakehead students for their masters so I have to go else where.

Is there any tips, tricks, advice or what not people can toss this way on making life with your SO ok , esspessally if you are living with them?

it is not normal at all to fear a significant life change. you should see your therapist immediately.

Respect the fact that, though you are living with them, you each still have seperate lives outside of each other. Don't make a huge deal out of when they come home at night, let them have a bit of space.

DON"T EVER GET MARRIED!!! I lived with my ex-wife for 2 years everything was great then we got married the next day my life went to hell!!!

*nods sagely* It's a strange phenomenon.

Totally natural fear.

But relax your weary brain. Whatever will be will be.

yes. it's far better to live with your parents forever.

as it's been said already, the best tip is: remember that your lives are still separate things & pray they do the same.

that bizarro mega-melding some people try to do or just expect is about the quickest way to fuck a perfectly good relationship.

keeping separate lives that include eachother as a special part = good.

melding 2 lives into one & losing personal freedom and choice = hell on earth.

no 2 marrital experiences are the same bort. remember that.

Maybe not, but they certainly do seem to end the same. Egos crushed, spirits broken, lives ruined, and Satan doin' the cabbage patch to celebrate another two souls collected.

My advice is to not get too freaked out when you notice you're fighting more often. Keep lines of conversation open and don't assume that one arguement means your relationship is doomed because you never used to fight when you didn't live together.

Don't expect to get along all the time. Don't move into a studio apartment. Try and set up your new place so that if you need to, you can sleep in different rooms and not have to deal with eachother, because at some point, you're going to need to.

Remember, the grass is always greener. When I'm stressed out about my current relationship, I tend to romanticize my bachelor years, until I realized how miserable I was back then.

Oh and wish me luck, because I'm getting married next week.

Run. Run for the hills... that's my advice. but. if there's no way out and you're resolved to make it work, i would suggest taking up (or maintaining) seperate hobbies and social spheres. make sure you're getting enough "you" time, because you don't want to get burned out on your girl by spending all your waking and sleeping hours with her. also, make sure you have arranged ahead of times how bills, groceries, etc. are going to be divied up. fighting over money is something you want to avoid at all costs. also make sure you both share equally in decorating the place and arranging furniture, because there's nothing worse than paying rent and feeling your trapped in someone else's apartment. that's all. hope you have better luck at cohabitation than i did.

When she says "Jump".....JUMP!!!!!!

I know this! I was joking the truth is I loved being married even if it was for only 6 months. Anyway my real advice is.

1. You will fight!
2. When your wrong say your sorry (roses work good).
3. Give your SO there own time alone.
4. Make sure to keep the romance alive. Just because you now live together doesn't mean things have to change 100%.
5. Going on dates still good!!!
6. If your mad at them talk to them about it when your not really mad. You now live with them, you can't keep things bottled up.

Well hope this helps alittle and I wish you all the best of luck! Plus Uncognitive my best of all wish go to you. I hope the wedding goes smooth and that you are happy the rest of your life with your SO! Congrats to the both of you.


[Edited on Aug 07, 2003 by Bort79]

[Edited on Aug 07, 2003 by Bort79]

Trust your feelings. If it's the right thing, you wouldn't be fearful (maybe jittery, 'cause it's a new thing, but not fearful) I've done the living together thing. It was a mistake. I don't think it's ever a good idea to live together for money reasons, because it's easier, etc (not that you said that).

Be indy. I wouldn't live with my SO until you're committed enough to be married (or the equivalant). It's just not worth the hassel.

[Edited on Aug 07, 2003 by Honey]

Saying "the grass is greener" is another way of saying life always sucks and any hope of escaping the suckiness is foolish at best. I'm over here, by the way, on the devil side of you shoulder. Hi!