...I posted this in my journal, but I figured I would try the boards to see if anybody had any advice. I have been writing a story for a while now and for some reason I feel it is missing something, I figured if one or 2 or more of you get bored and want to read something ... here ya go! Please .. I need your help .. what is it lacking? Keep in mind this is only a rough draft of the first part. I have written 6 parts .. but before I post anything else I need to fix the opening.
The Giggling Adventures of Lulu Sunshine Part 1: Gloomils & Alaskan Snow Cones
... Sunshine woke up early today, wiping the fairy dust from her eyes and yawning happily towards the morning sky. She had wondered if it was her day off, after noticing that Rain had also woken up on Sunshine's beautiful morning.
Rain was a grumpy old thing; he barely spoke a word to anybody unless it was to tell someone to shut up. Sunshine always tried to see the good in Rain; unfortunately she hadn't found any yet, but she swore to never give up.
The Grumpy old Rain hovered around through the bright blue sky for a moment or two, as he observed everything below, deciding where to begin his day of darkness and gloom.
"Ahaaaaaa!! A Parade! What a wonderful way to begin my gloomy day!" rolled off the tongue of Rain, as he looked below at the street filled with cheering children and decorated festive floats.
... Rain needed to make a quick pit stop in the Atlantic to replenish himself before he began. As he dipped into a near by ocean to ready himself with a vast supply of water, Sunshine checked her work schedule to see if she was indeed off.
"Hey now, wait one minute! Today is my morning, not Rains pouring! What is he doing here? Why is he destroying my clear?" Spoke Sunshine to herself as she looked at Rain getting ready to pour on the parade down bellow.
... Sunshine moved over to Rain to stop him before he did something he may regret.
"Hello Rain, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job ... But today is my day, it's a day for Sunshine, a Day for Childhood Fun Time, and a Day just to relax and unwind." She paused waiting to hear a response, but Rain spoke nothing ...."Can you hear me?" If you can hear me, please say something."
... Rain looked up at Sunshine and with no respect for her feelings and happiness rudely said,"I can hear you silly stupid yellow star! I am just trying to figure out why you are so happy on a day so crappy like today when for a fact I am on shift. Didn't you get your Gloomill Today?"
... Sunshine didn't know what a "Gloomill" was, although she was pretty sure it wasn't a good thing if Rain felt the need to say it with a devious smile attached. Sunshine couldn't say anything in return she was at a loss for words, so she floated away to think about everything Rain had said to her. She decided that if she couldn't figure it out for herself she would do a little investigative work.
"Sandstorm would know what to do, being the wise one and the keeper of all earthbound knowledge" I will go see Sandy!!! She quietly and yet proudly spoke to herself.
.... Sandy Sand Storm was what you would call a "Hermit" or "Shut In." She lived in the deserts of Egypt, slept inside various tombs and caves in underground Cairo and ever so often would take a vacation and head to Texas. Her job was an easy one, only coming out every so often to blow off some steam and to clean off the travelers footprints from her golden sandy floor. Sandy had seen many magnificent things and inherited the keen and fascinating gift of remembering everything down to the exact detail.
If anybody would know what a "Gloomill" was, it would be Sandy Storm.
It was fast and easy to get anywhere at anytime for Sunshine. For example, if Sunshine was shining in New Jersey at noon on Sunday, she could easily be in London at the exact moment shining just as bright. Although, London was usually Rains territory and he made it a point to remind everybody who attempt to interfere.
. Sunshine made it to Cairo in great time, even with a pit stop in Boston for some delicious pepperoni pizza, and another stop in Alaska for a Cherry Snow Cone. While in Egypt she did a little sight seeing. Overwhelmed by the glorious sights that crossed her path, Sunshine just paused for a moment and smiled. Even after Boston, Pizza, Alaska, snow cones, sight seeing and pausing for a moment smile, time hadn't moved one minute. Sunshine had found a small cave and decided to investigate inside.
"Hello?" "Sandy Storm, are you here?" "Helloooooooooooo, I come in peace, hehehehehehe" She giggled, looking into the cave for any sign of Sandy. "Hello? Come out; Come out where ever you are."
Suddenly, out of the back of the dark and dry cave a strong voice spoke loudly.
"Who are you? Why have you come? I was sleeping soundly and happily until you turned on the sun. Do I owe you money? If so I'm broke! Or have you come to ask me for some sugar, milk or maybe some solar soap, whatever your reason, you better be leaving, until you hear the sky crying and the brightest stars breathing!"
Sunshine just giggled even more (She was never able to be mean or even remotely upset. It just was not in her nature. It wasnt how Sunshine was created) trying to understand what Sandy was talking about. Obviously not understanding that Sandy didnt want to be bothered, Sunshine spoke again.
"Luluminotinannebop is what they call me a lot, I think it's my name, I know its a shame but I was never given a title like yours during the star dubbing game. Ohhhh I have traveled so far with a question I must ask, and well, I was hoping, ummm well thinking you may be up for the task?.
Sandy Storm always loved answering questions, it made her feel important and she also got a chance to hear herself sound intelligent, and sounding intelligent was something Sandy loved to do. Sunshine waited patiently for a response. Sandy just looked at Sunshine, staring at her glowing smile and bright expressions.
"Before you ask any questions, I must insist on a suggestion of changing your name, and yes I know it's a shame, to an easier title for anyone to mention. Let me think for a moment, Hmmm Luluminotinannebop aye? ... such a mouthful to say... No worries my new friend I have an Idea today! I shall simply call you Lulu, Ahhh yes, Lulu. Now I can talk to you. Ask away, by all means ask away!"
Sunshine was now giggling even more as she said her new name over and over again, forgetting the reason for being in Egypt in the first place.
"Lulu Lulu, Luuuuuuuuuu Luuuuuuuuuu, I am Lulu, nice to meet you. Don't you know my name? My Name is Lulu, I am Lulu Sunshine! I am Lulu the Happy Sunshine Child, yup I am Lulu!"
Sandy waited patently for Lulu to remember her questions. After about 10 minutes of listening to Lulu say her name in every way manageable, she finally decided it may be a good time to remind her.
"Ahem, I'm awfully sorry to interrupt your fun Lulu, but I remember you coming here with a question that needed an answer. Was I mistaken?"
Lulu stopped and tried to understand what it was that Sandy was talking about. It took her a moment to remember why she was there.
Now speaking in the third person, Lulu replied.
"Lulu has come to Sandy Storm with an important question. The reason why Lulu is here at Sandy Storms cave is because of the Rain and something he called a Gloomill." Have you ever heard of a Gloomill Sandy Storm?
Lulu knew the moment she asked that Sandy had an answer for her just by the look on her face. Sandy had turned from content and calm to highly upset and slightly saddened. She then looked at Lulu with almost a motherly smile and began to explain everything.
"Lulu, there are many things you must understand about the way things work in our world. Above all you must realize there are rules to everything, and it seems to me a rule has been broken if you have been issued a Gloomill. You see Mother Nature has been having some difficulties pleasing everybody with their constant vacation requests and complaints, that she has gone into hiding, and nobody knows where to. She has left her wand and powers behind and walked away from her responsibility."
Lulu looked confused as she tried to understand why Mother Nature would leave. She continued to listen as Sandy went on.
"I was the first to find out. I swore to keep silent about it; not wanting to disrupt our civilization, everything in our world relies on balance. A Gloomill is Natures way of restoring balance without its Mother being present. It's kind of like a backup plan gone wrong. You see, a Gloomill is not an object, more like a feeling. It changes everything that it sees fit. For example, The earth cannot survive without you and Rain and the Gloomill knows this, so it's the Gloomils job to place you where it sees fit "
Lulu slowly tying to understanding everything, still smiling and giggling wondered why Sandy looked so upset while she spoke of the Gloomill. Lulu looked right into Sandys eyes and asked, Lulu wants to know why the Gloomils have left Sandy Storm so upset?""
Sandy looked at Lulu as she spoke softly making sure not even a mouse could hear her, and finally told her the reason for her sadness.
"Lulu, there have been many rumors about the Gloomills, and all you need to know is who rules them. You see the stories that were told must have gotten old, for the Gloomills had become darker than Mr. Midnight's soul. After further investigations and conversations with constellations, I found out that The Fog, the Moon and the Rain had tampered with all the Gloomills sensations.
Sandy Storm paused to catch her breath and continued again, this time even more upset to speak.
The three have devised a plan, to take over all the waters, air and sand, using nothing more than a Gloomills powers with the flick of a wrist and the speed of a hand. The hard truth I have been forced to tell, is if you were asked about your Gloomill your future is not well. The fact of the truth I have tried to prolong, is if you have received a Gloomill they want you dead and gone
Lulu still a little confused still was smart enough to understand that The Fog, The Rain & The Moon wanted Lulu gone. For once Lulu was not giggling, she was crying.
Seeya Later Chickens
T ............N.................S ............
Tattooed N Screwed Superstar
TattoosNscrewS
Absecon, NJ
February 2003
AUG 06, 2003 07:32 PM