NEWS: Kids These Days Love their Salad Dressing

CULTURE: Kids These Days Love Their Salad Dressing

No, I mean they really LOVE their salad dressing. If you catch my drift.

Well that’s a novel way to make sure people get their protein.

In some respects, I feel for the kid. Probably watched Fight Club one too many times and thought he’d insert his own little “Project Mayhem” into the Hidden Valley Ranch. Sure, returning it to the cafeteria for people to unknowingly eat was horrifically disgusting, but no one reported any ill effects. Hell, if his school’s lunch line was anything like mine was, homey’s man gravy may or may not have been the grossest thing served for lunch that day.

His lawyer put it best (as they often do.)

Yeah. The consequence of being known as “The Jizz Kid” for the rest of his life. That ten year reunion is going to be awkward.

Subrosa doesn’t want to know what he did to the meatloaf surprise.

Thank God I ate at fast food most of my high school time. You know, where people just spit in the food, since whipping it out and rubbing one out would take too long for the drive-thru line.

Hahaha, that's hilarious.

I mean... disgusting, ew. Who would do such a thing?

"I said I wanted ranch dressing on that salad, not raunch!

At least he didn't get caught banging an apple pie.

So if no one reported any ill effects... how'd he get caught?

"Anyone see the ranch dressing?"

"Oh, hmm... I bet Marco Castro is off ejaculating into it somewhere."

Kid probably just bragged about it to the wrong people or some other such dumb kid thing.

the blacklight in the chem lab would be my guess. unless ranch dressing glows blue under one too.

Well that's all well and good, but you don't exactly look at each and every bottle of ranch to check for semen.

Well I dunno, maybe you do. weirdo

how did they catch him? Someone said "hey this tastes familiar. Wait a minute."

"Hmmm... This tastes like the sammiches my uncle used to make for me..."

hahaha i want my own project mayhem!!! nothing related to food
i had a friend who worked at mc donalds and if he didnt like you, he took your burger into a quick journey in his pants

HAHAH!

That's awesome but disgusting at the same time! lol

Of course he did.

Would you be able to sit at lunch and watch people eat "your" ranch dressing and not laugh or keep your mouth shut?

I don't remember my school having salad dressing bottles though.
We had those little dressing packets.

How he got caught is indeed one of two things..him blabbing, or someone noticing the ranch dressing didnt taste quite right..Lol..Wow..ejaculating into some ranch..now thats ballsy..and disgusting..I wonder what went through the kids mind..or why he did it..lol

he did it because he's a stupid asshole, that's why. what if he had AIDS and infected a bunch of kids?

alternately, what if it was YOU who had the ranch that day?

girls, you totally don't want to get that dressing in your vag. imagine getting impregnated by a tomato

Well, at least the dressing was "hand" made.

You're kidding, right? Some bugs are tough enough to survive even school cafeteria food long enough to infect somebody. HIV is not.

I'm not disagreeing with "stupid" or "asshole" in this case, but I'd apply those terms to a lot of folks.

I hate to break it to you, but with fast food places stay open later and even 24 hours a day, there a many slow periods where bored passive agressive underpaid anti-socials can do all sots of disgusting things to the food...

I think the smell of Ranch dressing probably covered up the smell of semen.

Guys, if your semen smells stronger than Ranch dressing, please see a doctor :-)