NEWS: Creationism Museum to Open in Kentucky; Now With More Dinosaurs

CULTURE: Creationism Museum to Open in Kentucky; Now With More Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs and creation theory
live together in perfect harmony,
side by side on my laptop's keyboard;
Oh, Lord, why don't we-e-e...

Oh, uh, hello there!

I remember the first time I encountered a steadfast Creationist face to face. It was around ten years ago, I believe. We ended up in a very heated argument in the middle of eighth-grade homeroom period, the culmination of which was him telling me that dinosaur fossils were placed in the earth by God as a test of our faith, and me telling him that any God who would only half-ass the idea of dinosaurs is no God of mine.

I don't know if the new Creation Museum opening in Petersburg, Kentucky, this weekend is a sign of Fundamentalist Christians getting somehow more awesome over the years (in a strangely charming sci-fi sort of way), or just all the more utterly off their rocker, but either way it's kind of jaw-droppingly wonderful.

Aw, H-E-double-hockey-sticks yes! That's $27 million well spent, I say. It's high time alternate realities were featured more prominently in museum form, and these guys aren't about to throw down for just any old tacky Disney Hall o' Presidents-type robot fare – the museum's exhibits are designed by Patrick Marsh, the man responsible for the Jaws and King Kong exhibits at Florida's Universal Studios. Marsh claims to have given his efforts to this cause on account of he's a devout believer himself; no word yet on his value system as it relates to freaky giant gorillas.

The main men behind this project are Mark Looy and the delicious-sounding Ken Ham, co-founders of Answers in Genesis, an "apologetics ministry" whose mission it is to provide creative interpretations of the Book of Genesis and reconcile it with modern science the best they can, providing all the better argument fodder for righteous eighth-graders everywhere. Their magazine alone boasts 50,000 subscribers, and they claim that 9,000 charter members have already signed on to fund the museum venture, placing it completely in the black. At least you can rest assured that it's not your tax dollars at work.

At this rate, you may be wondering what kind of wonders may await you at this Bizarro-Exploratorium. Well, wonder no more, my friends! We've got the goods:

Wait, but now I'm confused. Shouldn't a proper Creation Theorist assume that the dinosaurs were bad eggs and were left to drown with the unicorns? Because if they didn't die in the Great Flood, and there's no evolution so they couldn't have evolved into something else, then what happened to the dinosaurs? I mean, where would they...

Shoot. I think I just got a brain freeze.

Anyway, the Creation Museum officially opens to the public on Memorial Day (that's the 28th to you foreign heathens), and its founders expect a quarter of a million visitors within the first year. Will you be one of them? I won't lie: I probably, would if I was remotely near the region. Even though the thought of paying to get in kind of makes me cringe, you've got to admit that, at the very least, it must be good for some ironic laughs and Kodak Moments. Plus, who can resist the pull of friendly animatronic dinosaur pals? I'll tell you who: no one. Not even God.

And that's a fact.

Doesn't this whole thing go against the whole graven images thing?

These people sound like fucking fantasy writers. What is this, Bible fan-fic?

I thought we had replaced the word dinosaur with Jesus horse?

I wonder if $27 million would be enough to build a museum which might actually be effective enough to convey the meaning of ALLEGORY to these people?

Well....it IS Kentucky.

I wonder how much state funding the museum is getting,,,,

With $27 milllion, I can think of better ways than building a museum to terrorize the terrorists.

I really really really really really really wanna go.

i think this was on a tv show once.
land of the lost, that was it.

Of course, they are hiding the real truth.









Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins.

My sixth grade teacher swore up and down that the fossils were placed on this planet by Satan.

Satan is such an asshole.

Ok... it might be the Old Miwaukee talking, but this is the funniest thread I've encountered in awhile.

You don't need a $27 million dollar museum to believe in the bible's literal truth - you can believe in it for free. But no amount of $$ will make it actually true .

I'm a Christian, but I also am a person of science. How on earth people can not see evolution I'll never understand. I told a friend of mine who was arguing with a real hardcore christian to ask them where dinosaurs came from. They couldn't answer the question. They're probably still trying to think of an answer.

Can that $27 million explain how 6 billlion people evolved (oops, I mean, were created) from a single man and woman without some incestuous activity?

I knew a guy who believed that dinosaurs were what lizards became after they lived for a really long time. You know how, according to Genesis, people before the flood lived to be like 900? Same for lizards, and they just got bigger with age. He also believed that all of the water comprising the flood was in the air beforehand, and blocked most of the Sun's harmful rays, which was what allowed things to be that old in the first place. I was so appalled at his bizarre theories that it never occured to me to ask where the water went afterward....

This rings a bell... oh yes! I remember saying, in my eleventh-grade biology class and to the amusement of my peers, that fossils were placed on Earth by God just to fuck with our heads. It's good to know that my high school wit is being taken seriously in some parts of the world.

But seriously; if any of you do ever make it down to the museum, please think about where your entrance fee money is going and endeavour to get in without paying a dime. It's fun to ridicule, but it's another thing to support a cause which deceives millions.

I am going. I am going and I am buying a t-shirt.

That's 27 million dollars that isn't going to support right wing politicians. Yay!

Road trip!

I live in Kentucky, but I don't see myself ever going to this. Unless SG wants to hold some sort of member event there