NEWS: Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: The Secret

CULTURE: Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen: The Secret

Lately a lot of people have been asking my opinion about The Secret. In case you’ve been buried in an eight foot deep hole with just a straw sticking out through which you receive air and occasionally soup for the past year or so, The Secret is the latest fad in vaguely Eastern spirituality to hit the stands. It’s selling by the truckload everywhere from new age bookstores to supermarkets.

Generally I’m not interested in things like this. I mean, I leafed through the book at my local Ralph’s grocery store and I could tell within a sentence that it was pure bollocks. But it seems like I can’t go more than three or four days without someone either in an e-mail or at a talk asking to hear what I think of The Secret. So the other day when my friend Svetlana told me that a friend of hers was so into The Secret that she gave her a copy I asked her if she’d bring it over so I could watch it.

Good lord in Heaven what a steaming pile of reeking poo! I mean, with all the hype this thing has gotten I had hoped there would be at least a teeny little wee bit of substance to it. But it’s a fucking infomercial for God’s sake. OK, the budget’s a tad higher than the Ginsu knife or Abdominizer ads. But it’s exactly the same formula. Every single person who appears on screen is so obviously intent upon selling me something that I began to spontaneously get that feeling you get when you’re waiting through the Kool Aid and Pop Tart ads for the Three Stooges to come back on.

The producers of this trash would have us believe that all the great ancient traditions have taught The Secret down through the ages. We are told that a host of dead geniuses including Lincoln, Emerson, Einstein, Plato and Beethoven, all knew of its power. Buddha gets trotted out several times during the production and, like those other guys, gets misquoted out of context to appear to support the dopey philosophy of The Secret. So I guess Buddhism and The Secret are pretty much the same deal. These dudes are then compared to the “greatest teachers on the planet today” — in other words the guys who speak on camera on behalf of The Secret. Evidently the greatest teachers on the planet today are a bunch of excitable Malibu tanned goofballs with $400 haircuts who look like they ought to be sipping martinis and playing golf at a country club in Brentwood (and probably are right now as you read this). I don’t know about you, but people like that have always made me feel very, very icky.

Anyway, let’s take a look at the great teachings as laid out in one of the DVD’s extra bonus tracks by some stiff necked jittery coked-up looking guy named Bob Proctor who calls himself a philosopher. Everyone on the video has the manic look and mile-a-minute delivery of a religious fanatic on crank. At least they avoided the dredlocked psychopath who gets labeled in the interviews as a “visionary.” I think the next time I revise my resume on Monster I’m gonna put down “visionary” as my desired position. Anyway, here’s a little of what Bob has to say.

Bob says he’s not really Bob. “I am a soul, a non-physical being living in this body.” Well Bob, if you believe that and you want to connect your nonsense with Buddhism you better go back and look at a few books on the subject since Buddha repudiated this idea. But I digress.

He goes on to say that, “I have the ability to dictate the vibrations that will be attracted to me. We choose our thoughts. I can attract anything I want,” he says. To do this, “I take the idea and impress it upon my subconscious mind which in turn affects the entire universe.” This is because, “thought waves are cosmic waves that affect all time and space. If I want greater wealth I just have to see it coming into my life! I can see myself in beautiful relationships. I can see money coming to me. We become what we think about,” he tells us. “Do you want prosperity? Abundance is your birthright! If you want more, if you want greater wealth, build the image and hold on to that image!”

Getting a new car is as simple as sitting on your easy chair picturing yourself behind the wheel. Want a new house? Just imagine yourself living in it! Simple as that! The new house vibrations will be attracted to you and — voila! it’s yours! Mortgage? Schmortgage! It's all due to the Law of Attraction, the most powerful force in the Universe! Just attract what you want and it's yours!

And just in case you aren't quite greedy enough to be lured in by the promise of riches and abundance for just thinking about them, they throw in the threat that the Law of Attraction can't distinguish between good and bad thoughts. So if you think about car crashes and cancer you might just get car crashes and cancer. Quick, don't think about a furry pink elephant! You get how this works, kids?

You may be saying to yourself, “I want to get a lot of money just by sitting around wishing I had a lot of money! Plus I'm scared of car crashes, cancer and furry pink elephants!” So you’re probably going to ask, how do we get what we want and avoid what we don't want from the Law of Attraction, Bob? Bob kindly tells us to, “watch the film The Secret over and over. Go to the website. All of the products that they are offering you will help you change your habitual way of thinking.” Oh! I see! I buy lots of stuff from you and then I’ll get rich! That makes sense. Then Bob says, “I look forward to meeting you on another series of meetings this company is offering.” Oh! More meetings I can buy! And when I buy more meetings with you I get richer!

And you’re my friend Bob. I can touch you just by touching your image on the TV screen. And I’m sure that if I saw you shopping for $800 underwear on Beverly Drive and came up and told you all about how much The Secret meant to me, you’d invite me up to your house in Bel Air and we’d sit around drinking champagne and chatting away like old buddies! You’re such a super guy, Bob! I know you’re super because you’re talking right to me! And I know you’re talking to me because you call me “you” right on camera a whole bunch of times!

I don’t think I will ever understand why people fall for pitches that are this obvious. To me that’s a great secret. The real big secret of The Secret is that it's a group of crappola New Age nonsense slingers who figured out a way to join all their brain-dead philosophies together and sell them out of one on-line shop. D'uh! Are we really so retarded that nobody can see this?

I mean, I don’t consider myself any kind of a genius, but this stuff is just way too ridiculous for me to even stop and ponder for twenty seconds let alone spend my hard earned cash on. I guess people love the idea that they can get something for nothing. It won’t happen. Sorry, Bob. It didn’t even happen to you or to any of the other swindlers on the video. You worked your asses off to become rich charlatans who dupe people out of their cash for silly bullshit like this. I thought “greed is good” went out with Kajagoogoo and A Flock of Seagulls. Guess I was wrong. You knew that, Bob, and made a bundle. That’s the only secret I can see at work here.

So what about the supposedly “deeper” teachings of The Secret? I mean, that whole “mind is the universe” thing they trot out a couple times sounds a little like Buddhism. Sure it does. Because they ripped it off it from Buddhism. Just like Hitler ripped off the Swastika and the word “Aryan” from Buddhism. And just like Hitler, all these guys know about Buddhism is which of its ideas sound wicked cool. They don’t have the first clue in the world what they mean. Please show me where Buddha said the idea that the mind is the universe leads to the idea that if you imagine yourself living in a chateau on the Riviera you’ll magically end up in one. I think I missed that particular Sutra. Mind is the universe doesn’t mean we’re living in a universe dictated by our imaginations. I’m not gonna try and go into what it does mean here. But, taking a hint form The Secret’s bag of dirty tricks, I can tell you that I do talk about this in my new book! And it’s a lot funnier of a book than The Sceret!

So if you want my opinion on The Secret, there it is. I, for one, will not be spending my money on the products they have to offer. And Bob, sorry to disappoint you, but if you were looking forward to meeting me again you’re gonna be waiting for a long time.

Here’s a list of places I’ll be, though:

I’m in the current ish of Cleveland’s Scene magazine.

I'll be in the June issue of LA YOGA magazine.

An excerpt from my new book SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! will appear in WHOLE LIFE TIMES magazine in June as well as in CONSCIOUS CHOICE magazine in Chicago and Seattle, and COMMON GROUND magazine in San Francisco.

Saturday June 2nd, 2007 at 7 PM I'll be in Phoenix at the ARIZONA ZEN BUDDHIST SOCIETY.

On Sunday June 3, 2007 at 1 pm Barnes & Noble Desert Ridge - 21001 N. Tatum Blvd. - Phoenix, AZ
On Monday June 4, 2007 at 7 pm Changing Hands Bookstore - 6428 South McClintock Dr. - Tempe, AZ

Tuesday June 12th at 6PM at the VIRGIN MEGASTORE in San Francisco
Thursday June 14th, 7PM at GATEWAYS in Santa Cruz
Friday June 15th After Dinner Talk at the SAN FRANCISCO ZEN CENTER
Saturday June 16th 7 PM at COPPERFIELD'S BOOKS 140 Kentucky St., Petaluma, CA 94952
Sunday June 17th at San Quentin Prison (this isn't open to the public, but all inmates reading this are invited!)

AND on Wednesday July 25th, 2007, my movie CLEVELAND'S SCREAMING! will have its world premier at the EGYPTIAN THEATER in Hollywood. So mark your calendars!

Plus, the very first record by my old hardcore band 0DFx (Zero Defex) has just been released by Get Revenge Records. This 7 inch vinyl record contains our 1983 demo tape full of thrashin’ Minor Threat/Negative approach style hardcore with a drop of psychedelia thrown in for good measure. Get yours today!

Brad Warner is the author of Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up!. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff. If you're in Southern California and you want to try some Zazen for yourself, he has a group that meets every Saturday in Santa Monica.

I just heard of this a couple of weeks ago, someone told me I just had to read the book, had to. I managed to make it through about 4 synopsis/reviews on amazon before I told her it was clearly utter shite and I wouldn't be going anywhere near it.
It makes me sad I bought her a real damn book for Christmas she still hasn't read

If they've made a DVD about it, surely it isn't much of a secret anymore.
Lincoln, Plato, Buddha et al can't be pleased with them...

Yeah, but what if he really is... you know... Bob:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

If you accept the premise that a philosophy seeks to make people better humans, then any belief system whose benefits you can experience only after forking over your certified cheque or money order is not a real philosophy. I tried reading 'The Secret', but I couldn't finish it past page 20 because I kept rolling up my eyes at the brillo-brushed car salesman hucksterism behind the airy-fairy platitudes and clichéed aphorisms masquerading as profound insights.

People want to belive this crap simply because they're scared of the truth. There is very little difference between some 30-40-something dropping cash on this stupid thing -vs- some dweeb who fell for the tripe of What The **** Do We Know -vs- some lonely granny staring at her mortality in the mirror and allowing herself to be wilfully extorted by Jerry & Tammy-Anne Fallbaker on TV because they say they'll pray for them, then see them and their little dog in heaven later.

It is very hard to get people's minds wrapped around the fact that just because the fairy-tale isn't true, doesn't mean that the saccred isn't still all around them, and pervading the entirety of The Universe...

Every time I hear that word, "Mr. Roboto" gets stuck in my head.

Secret, secret, I've got a secret!

DAMN YOU, STYX!

The secret to be wealthy and successful is convincing millions of people to shell out three easy payments of just $19.95 for some piece of shit that will make it easier to do something they don't want to do in the first place.

I have the audio book of "The Secret" and I have to say that it sounded a bit too infomercial to me. and I really thought that this part was total crap:

The idea of ordering life you want from a catalog and just acting as if seemed like a total load of crap. But hidden in there were lots of valid points. That I am sure like you said were taken from other beliefs. And positive outlook going into a situation will help that situation. Maybe even acting " as if" will help you as you strive tword a goal. but the world doesn't just drop things in your lap because you want them. You have to work to get them.

The part where the woman cleans out space in her home to find a mate was a bit weird. I think maybe she cleared out the crap in her mind as she was cleaning her home out. So she was more open to some one when they came into her life. But cleaning out a place in her closet for their stuff didn't make that person come to her. I feel the writers of the secret are missing the point.

As I say all this funny thing is that a week after listening to the audio book, I finally decided to do something about my job situation. In the past I stayed in my old job because as big of a pain as it was there was he security of the known problems and altho I wanted to change jobs I was concerned about all the sacrifices I might have to make to change.
Well with all the sap running around in my head from "the Secret" I checked into a few places to work and decided what I wanted in my new job. I found the shop that seemed to be the closest to what I really wanted. I applied it just so happened that they were looking for another artist. When I went for my interview I went with the attitude that the job was mine and I did get it.

Did I get the job because I ordered it from a catalog? did I wait for it to happen? NO I made it happen, but I can't deny that my attitude was adjusted a bit more positive for listening to the secret. And that the positive attitude may have helped me get the job. I think the book is worth reading, listening to or watching if you go at it with the right frame of mind. Yeah most of it sounds like infomercial crap but maybe you can find the kernel of truth that will work for you in all that crap.

such negativity! what is the difference, really? if someone gets more self awareness out of learning positive thinking - then it is effective. If someone wants to believe in the laws of attraction, so be it.

looking forward to your debate on the merits of the secret with HalSparks, who has appeared with SG James on various talk shows about its merits.

Really, how hard is it to see that this is nothing more than a way to get even more money out of the DaWennie Code worshipers...

[/logic]

I have friends and co-workers and family members that are into this stuff and I hate how I have to choose between smiling and nodding or calling it out for what it is - garbage.

Then again, there was that one time when....

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Yay, other people are as freaked out as me by this load of Elitist, materialistic, greedy American lifestyle-justifying bullshit!

I also don't like the unsaid message it gives people, that is that they bring all the bad stuff on themselves. Like I said in another thread on The Secret, I'm pretty sure the starving children are all sitting around imagining their bellies full right now and yet, somehow, no food appears. I guess they just aren't thinking positively enough.

thank god there are others who feel the same way about this thing.

huh, weird, im usually the debbie downer... but, i believe that the world is so abundant only our minds can constrain the possibilities

This reminds me of Scientology, only it seems like it's less of a scam. For now...

Just wait until the videos and books stop selling. Then they'll be coming out with new "levels" or something like that. Or they'll somehow turn it into a pay as you go religion.

I know, right? This kid's mind is so limited.



The Secret devotees are as misguided as religious zealots.

THANK YOU!

Against Stupidity the very gods strive in vain.

- Friedrich Schiller.

buddhism mentions ignorance a lot, but not so much stupidity. Stupidity is very metaphysically unsatisfactory as it makes sentient beings unable to differentiate between real teachings and profiteering hucksterism. It's a huge letdown to people who genuinely want to help others to get genuinely enlightened.

Well, The Secret obviously worked for the people who own the rights to it.
They focused their positive mental energy on a bunch of suckers paying money for pseudo-mystical feel good crap, and guess what? It worked!

I am so glad there are others that think this about The Secret. I like that it reinforces the notion of positive thought, but not that it teaches that if you think positively then everything will just fall into your lap. But if you think negatively, its your fault you got cancer because you thought about a tumour one time too many. That's bullshit.

As is this: "Abundance is your birthright!" Its no one's right. Everyone should have to work hard for what they gain. That's the way I think, anyways, though I'm sure there's those out there that disagree with me. And that's fine.

I really just want to hit everyone who buys this book from my work, even if it is paying my wages rather nicely.