The time of year a woman conceives may influence the future academic performance of her child, according to research reported this week at the Pediatric Academic Societies' annual meeting.

When researchers linked standardized test scores of 1,667,391 Indiana students in grades 3 through 10 with the month in which each student had been conceived, they found that children conceived May through August scored significantly lower on math and language tests than children conceived during other months of the year.

Uh oh. Another study. I know how much you guys love studies done by scientists. So we all know its bullshit, right? Totally. I mean, correlation does not denote causality, right? It could be caused by other factors, like race or gender or grade level.

The correlation between test scores and conception season held regardless of race, gender, and grade level.

Oh. Huh. How weird. Now Im starting to wish I werent a Taurus, as I might have actually gotten into a good undergrad school then. Curse my parents for getting frisky in July! Dont you know its too hot to fuck in the summer!?!? I shoulda been a Scorpio!

Wait Now Im not even sure if Im doing the math on the months and zodiac signs correctly. April is Taurus, May is like Gemini or something, June is shit! I have lost all confidence in my powers of mental acuity! Nooooooooo! What the fuck is going on here!?

Why might this be? According to Dr. Paul Winchester of Indiana University School of Medicine who led the study, says the evidence points to environmental pesticides, used most often in the summer months, as a possible player.

The lower test scores correlated with higher levels of pesticides and nitrates in the surface water (nearby streams and other bodies of water) during that same time period, he told Reuters Health.

"Exposure to pesticides and nitrates can alter the hormonal milieu of the pregnant mother and the developing fetal brain," Winchester explained in a statement. For example, past research has linked exposure to pesticides and nitrates to low thyroid hormone levels ("hypothyroidism" in pregnant women and hypothyroidism in pregnancy has been tied to lower intelligence test scores in offspring.

One can only hope that these results are limited to people from Indiana. I mean, we all knew the Hoosiers were a little slow, am I right? What the hell is a Hoosier anyway? Ill bet they made it up.

Of course, Indiana is really close to Michigan, and my mom was pregnant with me in Michigan. Awww, man! So wait, am I sure I can blame the pesticides? Because if so, Im totally going to sue some motherfuckers.

While the current findings do not prove that pesticides and nitrates contribute to lower test scores, "they strongly support such a hypothesis," Winchester said.

"A priori there should be no reasons particularly why the month of conception should change your (test) scores," he added in an interview, "and yet from our chain of evidence our hypothesis was that if pesticides do alter the friendly environment of the developing fetus than that might be reflected in lower scores. And unfortunately that's what we found."

OK. So its not conclusive, but were working on it. Or something. Good to know.

Now will someone tell me what the heck a priori is?

darksmith

Norway

July 2002

MAY 08, 2007 09:11 PM

Aw well shit! I'm a fricking Taurus....

hellointernet

Saint Petersburg, FL

March 2007

MAY 08, 2007 09:13 PM

cancer, son!

Alzy

New York, NY

January 2006

MAY 08, 2007 09:14 PM

Weird, im a taurus and i was in all the AP classes in high school, earned Deans List in college and now got accepted into a creative writing program that out of a few hundred applications only chooses five poets.

Take that, science!

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

MAY 08, 2007 09:15 PM

My mommy sez Im smrt!

Penultimate

USA

October 2005

MAY 08, 2007 09:19 PM

Gemini! and June is mostly gemini.

Vampirate

Durham, NC

October 2004

MAY 08, 2007 09:21 PM

Subrosa said:
Now will someone tell me what the heck a "priori" is?

Aren't those the things that live in your brain and give you mad cow disease?