NEWS: Dry Cleaning Vs. $65 Million Pants

CULTURE: Dry Cleaning Vs. $65 Million Pants

I just got a sweet, red Members Only jacket, and I'm thinking of taking it to the dry cleaners' on the corner to have it altered because it's quite a sight too big for me. If they somehow managed to lose said jacket, I've got to admit I'd be pretty bummed. I'd probably refuse to pay the alteration fees, and if I was feeling particularly bold, I might even ask for some kind of compensation. I probably wouldn't, though, because first of all, I didn't pay for it (my great-uncle was cleaning out his closet), and second of all, I'm a big pushover. I mean, it's just an anachronistic hipster-chic jacket. It's not like it's a pair of pants or anything.

No, actually, no I would not believe it! No one could possibly be that brash. What is the grand total asking price, sir?

Oh, man. I guess they could. That must be one expensive dry cleaners'.

Oh, well, that's quite a disparity! I guess in that case you should know what all that $65 million is supposed to be covering.

So apparently Custom Cleaners lost a pair of Pearson's pants back in 2002, and they cut him a check for $150 to replace them. The same thing happened in 2005, when he graduated from lawyer to judge and needed some pants altered to wear to work. Some people will say "eh, it happens, I guess I should just use my massive judge paycheck to buy some new pants," but that is the kind of decision that separates the men from the boys. Pearson equated the two mishaps to negligence and fraud. (The sign in the window said "satisfaction guaranteed!" and there was none to be had here.) The Chungs, who own Custom Cleaners, offered to settle for up to $12,000, but Pearson did a little multiplication by way of D.C.'s consumer protection law, and when added up with the cost of new suits and the thousand supposed hours of work he put into this case, not to mention the sort of suffering and heartbreak that can only come from missing pants, $12,000 just isn't enough.

I just don't understand it -- pants are pants, right?! -- but I guess maybe it's just because I am not an ace lawyer. Or because I'm not a total cokehead, perhaps. Because this doesn't seem like the kind of thing that the lawyers I know would get up to. At least, I hope not...


_DictionaryGirl_, still unsure if this is lawyer behavior or cokehead behavior, is keeping a close eye on Subrosa for possible delusions of pants grandeur. YOU'RE ON NOTICE!

haha! you put brosa on notice!


the fact that the cleaners offered to settle with this guy for $12k makes me sad, they should tell him to go fuck himself.

i'm just amazed that apparently being a judge is apparently all it takes to intimidate a dry cleaning establishment into settling for 12 grand on a ten-dollar alteration bill for pants that surely cost less than $200.

someday i only hope that i can be that good. and by good i mean crazy, but really, who's counting anymore when you have TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS and all you had to give up was a pair of pants and a few coked-up hours writing some demand letters.

They actually offered $12k? Fuck that.

i, for one, wanna see mr. pearson win the $65M settlement. could you imagine the bold new legal precedent that would set in our country?

you'd best believe i'd be worth 8 figures at the drop of a hat (literally, maybe?) if this goes down!

That judge has flipped his big wig!

While I'm sure the Chungs might actually be able to pay the 12k in extortion money, I doubt they have 65 million dollars just laying around. Unless this dude plans on ending his judgeship to run a dry cleaners in his retirement, I don't really understand what the fuck he wants from these people.

People would sue for less if a doctor removed the wrong fucking kidney. Sheesh, I'm just glad I am not the dude who has to clip this guys toenails.

I hope no establishment of business will serve him ever again, since he is such a huge walking, suing, insurance risk.

What's next? You get the wrong burger at BK's and you can sue them for several million dollars.

Choke! Gasp! Sputter!

Oh, Margot, you're killin' me!

They offered to settle?

Wouldn't this get thrown out and wouldn't he get slapped with a fine for a frivolous lawsuit anyways?

Yeah, but that's Legit, since they say that you can "Have it your way".
Lawsuit waiting to happen...

Hysterically pathetically sad.

But imagine the pants $65 million could make... Gentlemen, we can rebuild them. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic pants. Roy Pearson will wear those pants. Better than they were before. Better…stronger…faster.

Tchitchitchitchitchitchitchi

Was anyone else trying to figure out how much pants made of various precious metals would cost?

If not, me either. That's dumb.

Not even close to $65 million, by the way.

"[D]elusions of pants grandeur" might possibly be the best phrase ever.

And it's so multifaceted! All the subtle nuances of "pants grandeur" could keep me amused for months!

I'm sure it was he Chungs' insurance company that offered the 12k. Why, I don't know. The $65 Million is just an opening salvo, though a really, really, REALLY ridiculous one.

Are you saying that all lawyers are cokeheads?! NAZI.

I'm suing for $65 million worth of defamation.

I have one thing and only one thing to say to this...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

OBJECTION!

If i was the cleaner guy I would tell him straight up get bent! I would laugh in his face! I would tell him his lawsuit is a joke! Any clear headed judge should also think so and when the case gets dismissed I would laugh in his face again.

SIRS! I'll have you know I was saying that it might be cokehead behavior, in which case it would not necessarily be an action common to lawyers, and I will thank you to not be twisting my words into muckrake! I am counter suing for $65 million worth of libel!!!!! I will meet you at the courthouse and I WILL be wearing my Members Only jacket. I don't see how I can lose.

did anyone else notice that the sign in the picture for the article says "Swede" instead of "Suede"?




will they clean Danes and Norwegians too?

Pfft. Danes, maybe, but... forget Norway.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

TedKoppel is going to hit me if he sees this.

Huzzah!! Proud.