And when I say gay, I dont mean it in the 7th-grade-synonym-for-lame kind of way. I mean in the boy-on-boy-hot-manlove kind of way. Thats right. Some cars are gay. Totally, seriously, completely gay. The Mazda Miata? Gay. The MiniCooper? Gay. The Jeep Cherokee? Huge lesbian.

Dont believe me? Im sorry, but the New York Times says its true. As a card-carrying member of the vast left-wing media conspiracy, Im contractually obligated to take every word the Times prints as Gospel.

Ron Geren, an actor in Los Angeles, commutes to auditions and jobs throughout Southern California in a sleek black Mazda MX-5 Miata convertible. But for a recent date with a woman, he rented a Cadillac Escalade because he was so used to friends saying his Miata is gay.

Guys say, Hey, thats cute, Mr. Geren, 40, said, adding that the comments come from gay as well as straight men. You have to fend off that perception.

A few years ago, Meghan Daum, an op-ed contributor to The Los Angeles Times, wrote about a promising first date with a man that never led to a second one because, she later learned, the guy saw that she drove a Subaru Outback station wagon and concluded she must be a lesbian.

See? Someone alert the 700 Club! That car youre driving, that inanimate object with no possible sexual preference whatsoever could actually be a homosexual. Sweet Heavens!

Cars are no more straight or gay than cellphones, office chairs or weed whackers.

Oh my God its spreading! Eeek!

But in recent years that truism has not stopped a perception among some motorists that certain cars can, in the right context, be statements about a drivers sexual orientation.

At a time when car makers are marketing aggressively to gay consumers and mainstream culture has become more literate about stereotypically gay tastes through television shows like Will & Grace and The L Word (on which one of the main characters, Alice, drove a Mini Cooper), it may not be surprising that some people make such assumptions about motorists based on their cars.

Ahhhh, so thats what Im missing. That the actual car itself is not a potential Friend of Dorothy, but that its being marketed to those who are a little light in the loafers. Gotcha.

Well that isnt anything new, is it? I mean, maybe its because I live in San Francisco, but I see gay targeted advertising all the time, for everything from travel websites to home and garden stores to (ahem) automobile dealerships. Hell, directed marketing to gays and lesbians is even something of a cottage industry, and theres even a website for gay auto buyers called GayWheels.com. In other words, this local trend is expanding to gay up the whole darned country!

But what is also slightly different in this case is the implication that a straight person might buy a car that would make them seem gay. Not to mention the idea that a gay person might try and avoid purchasing a certain car to avoid being labeled as too stereotypical. And speaking of stereotypes, couldnt this entire notion be a little politically incorrect? I mean, isn't it kind of offensive that we now have marketers exploiting perceptions about a particular class to help their bottom line?

But to some people, such stereotyping is homophobia, pure and simple. A poll seeking to determine the most gay automobiles, conducted by a South African Web site, was a topic of heated interest last December on Gizmodo, the New York-based technology blog, where one reader wrote: Since when are cars gay or straight? Were really polling peoples prejudices here.

Others, though, including gay theorists, say many gay motorists happily embrace certain cars as reflections of identity.

People presume you want to throw off a stereotype, said Judith Halberstam, a lesbian who is a professor of gender studies at the University of Southern California. She drives a black Mazda 3 hatchback that she considers butch. But, she said, If you are a masculine woman, you might not feel bad about it, so you might become excited about knowing how to fix your pickup, or driving a 68 Mustang.

Not all gays want to present an image that is normative, she said.

Fair enough, but not all straight folks do either. On the other hand, Id be lying if I said the idea of purchasing a Miata didnt make me chuckle at the assumptions that people in this city might make about my sexuality. And while around SG I might act a little swishy from time-to-time, in San Francisco Im never clocked as a homosexual. This is because on some level I consciously engineer my image so that Im perceived as a straight male. I dont think theres anything wrong with that, so is it then wrong to avoid buying a car that might compromise that image?

Im not quite sure. Something about the idea of allowing other people define which cars mean you're gay and which don't rubs me the wrong way. What if I just really, really dig the idea of flitting around town in a white Volkswagen Cabriolet with leopard-print seat covers? That doesn't make me gay, it just makes me ironical. Or something.

Of course, it truly makes little difference to me because I have nowhere near enough money to buy a car nice enough to where any of this would be an issue. As you can see from About.coms list of 2007s gayest cars, most of the rides are pretty swanky.

Which really brings us to the bottom line of this minor cultural phenomenon. The gay community has proven that it wields enough market power to demand attention from conscientious companies looking to sell their higher-than-average-end wares. That's encouraging to me because beyond any political, psychological or philosophical debate about the fairness of stereotypes associated with the advertisements, the issue for marketers is a much simpler one. One GM marketing exec summed it up thusly:

I dont think internally we ever asked the question, If we put Cadillac in The Advocate, are we going to lose straight Cadillac buyers?

Frankly, he added, the moneys all the same color.

That, my friends, is social progress. And a coming out party of an entirely different sort.

Stay tuned for Part Two in Subrosa's exploration of perceived homosexuality entitled "Yes I've Just Ordered an Appletini and No, There's Nothing Wrong With That", due on the Newswire this Summer.

apesamongus

Atlanta, GA

July 2002

APR 18, 2007 11:10 AM

I don't see much difference between some cars being seen as gay or straight and some music or clothing or hairstyles being seen as gay or straight. Personal choices often give insight into personality.

tylan

Philadelphia, PA

November 2005

APR 18, 2007 11:21 AM

I never gave this much thought, until a few years ago, while shopping at 13th and Walnut here is Philly, I saw an older model Subaru Justy S sticking it's tailpipe in a gloryhole in a dressing room, and a Chevy Blazer with a confederate flag going into the other stall.

Straight acting trucks my ass.

There's nothing like a little VW on Ford Escort love. Germans and Americans...mmmmmm........

FreakPirate

Canada

November 2002

APR 18, 2007 11:31 AM

Nothing prepares you for the sight of a Smart Car getting cornholed by a very repressed pickup. Nothing.

Phoenixgirl

I'm lost

May 2006

APR 18, 2007 11:33 AM

Well, excuse me, but the Miata and the Mini are both some of the best autocrossing(racing) cars out there, and that's not "gay"!

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA

September 2006

APR 18, 2007 11:41 AM

FreakPirate said:
Nothing prepares you for the sight of a Smart Car getting cornholed by a very repressed pickup. Nothing.

ahahahahaa

DeusExMachina

Berkeley, CA

August 2004

APR 18, 2007 11:44 AM

Oh my god, my mother owns a Mazda Miata, but not a hatchback. Is she still butch? Or is she possibly a gay man?

The fact that she just sold her Toyota 4Runner is encouraging, but I am guessing that her BioDiesel Jetta sets her back in the "butch" category. Not to mention that she has been talking about getting a motorcycle for a while now.

Oh god, please don't let it be a Harley, please don't let it be a Harley. Then my mummy will turn out to be a lesbian for sure.

What does it say about you if you take Mass Transit everywhere?

st_even

Milwaukee, WI

September 2006

APR 18, 2007 11:44 AM

After reading this article, I must conclude that you are a lesbian.

Corran_Mitsik

Fishersville, VA

December 2006

APR 18, 2007 11:49 AM

Ah damn it, here I was thinkin I just hadn't found the right girl...turns out its my fucking car, no wonder I can't get a date. I swear when I bought my Mini Cooper the guy didn't tell me it would make me gay.

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ

June 2003

APR 18, 2007 11:55 AM

I was beginning to wonder where my Explorer got the "Honk if you love cock!" bumper sticker

Chainlink

Key West, FL

August 2005

APR 18, 2007 11:58 AM

I totally knew it when my car wanted to move to Key West.

Im totally fine with it tough. I dont judge it for its sexuality. I love it just for being itself.

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ

January 2004

APR 18, 2007 12:02 PM

My landlord is gay, and he drives a white Mazda Miata convertible. It was one of the first things that tipped me off.
Well, that, and when his boyfriend came home while I was signing the lease papers at his house.

lowroller

Australia

May 2008

APR 18, 2007 12:11 PM

My sister-in-law's boss is a lesbian .... she drives a mini cooper.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.