NEWS: The Great Foil Hat Debate

CULTURE: The Great Foil Hat Debate

Geek Monthly is my new favorite print magazine and my favorite new print magazine all at once, not least of all because in recent months since its conception it has pointed me toward some fascinating and hilarious bits of dorkfest news and culture. In the current issue, there's a little blurb that I think demands a bit of extra attention, for it concerns a very serious debate regarding a security issue of grave importance that made me laugh a whole lot, and laughing makes the work day go by quicker.



Everyone knows that Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies, known more colloquially as "tin-foil helmets," are the must-have item in every paranoid schizophrenic's wardrobe. They are stylish, easy to make, and an essential part of keeping the government from scanning all your cunning revolutionary thoughts.



Or... are they?



Ali Rahimi and a couple pals, all of whom happened to be doctoral candidates at MIT, apparently somehow found themselves with a baffling amount of time and grant money on their hands. Finding this to be the case, they did what any bored grad student would do: enlist the help of a quarter-million-dollar piece of analysing equipment to perform an empirical study on the effectiveness of aluminum foil helmets. The results may surprise you.

In other words, tin foil helmets effectively turn one's head into a giant car antenna full of subversive thoughts, with the radio dial tuned to K-FBI.



Or... DO THEY?!



Conspiracy theorists, you see, have not taken this claim lying down. Enter Lyle Zapato, owner of Zapatopi dot net. If I am to take his site at face value, Mr. Zapato believes that tree octopi must be liberated and that Jones ' Brussels Sprouts Soda is a plot to perpetuate a liberal Illuminati agenda (I would have pegged it for a Satanist plot, but hey...), and he is an avid supporter of jaunty metallic chapeaus. Of course, he believes that Ali Rahimi's project is nothing short of a government conspiracy to throw everyone off of the Truth, and has written quite a diatribe as such.

Oh, snaps. In addition to illuminating what may or may not be flaws in the MIT team's procedures, he points out that the "et al" part of Ali Rahimi et al (that is to say Ben Recht, Jason Taylor, and Noah Vawter, the other three involved in said experiment) were part of an MIT media lab funded by Department of Defense agency DARPA. Clearly, a conflict of interest that can only mean that tin foil hats really are effective, and that the government is only trying to spread propaganda to the contrary.



So, who is right and who is being spied on? Is MIT a government plant, or is Lyle Zapato? (For truly, his site is so relatively well-built and lacking in awkward Geocities-based webmastery that I almost doubt the veracity of its craziness.) More importantly, is tin foil enough to protect your thoughts against Charles Xavier, or is the full helmet model really necessary? Perhaps with time shall come meaningful answers.



Until then, I'll be reinforcing all my berets with lead and asbestos.

They're to protect him from the satellites...

Asbestos is for noobs. Ricin is the ticket to freedom.

You're playing right into their hands...

Sure, it's easy to pick out flaws in the Reynoldsian system. Why can't these "doctoral candidates", if that is indeed a real thing, focus their energies on developing a more effective deflector beanie?

"disembeanie"? seriously?

hilarious. i actually had the fleeting thought of constructing a tin foil hat to see if anything would happen...

I'm pretty sure the only surefire solution to this quandary involves the following:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Perhaps Ali Rahimi, et al, could determine what beanie configuration best attenuates the reserved-for government frequencies.

A mesh with the spacing equal to the wavelength in question suggests itself (already used in anti-radar stealth technology).

Shape considerations occur to me as well, does following the changing natural curvature of the skull with a tight-foil wrap enhance certain frequencies and attenuate others? What about focusing, on-axis and off-axis? Is there an optimal shape, parabolic, hyperbolic, spherical?

There is no doubt a wealth of untapped information here, of great potential benefit to legitimate researchers, paranoiacs, and grant writers .

" (For truly, his site is so relatively well-built and lacking in awkward Geocities-based webmastery that I almost doubt the veracity of its craziness.) "
hahaHAHHAA.


Well played lady.
Great article.

I knew I would see that header photo when I clicked!

The nerds were right.

OH noes now i dont know whether i should have my foil hat or not!

all cranium shielding devices should be made with brass screen for maximum thought cloaking protection

Bless you, _DictionaryGirl_.

Brilliant, and hilarious!

My model of preference would be a tungsten/titanium alloy with a thin top layer of lead. There's no need to skimp on aesthetics and comfort.

Welcome to eighteen months ago.

This is amazing on every level possible. I must find a way to use the word "disembeanie" in my day-to-day life.

If Joaquin Phoenix is doing it, it must be a good thing.

Sad that people are spending money on stupid research...

I cried laughing at this. disembeanie is my new favourite word

Don't worry! From what I see on that page, it's obviously a joke. They had the equipment lying around and spent an hour or two goofing around with tin foil around their heads. None of your tax money was wasted.

Tree octopi? Tell me more Lyle Zapato, tell me more.

Hahaha, that's awesome. I love the photo they used for this article too

Here's the only hole in your theory.

Therefore, that should be WFBI, as it's East of the Mississippi.