Well I was crying today at work!!! I was thinking about my ex step-son. I miss him! His moms a bitch and is mad that I devorced her because she was cheating on me so she won't let me see him. Even though I raised him from birth to 2 years old. I was thinking abot the last time I seen him. When I went leave he grabbed is dipper bag said bye mommy. I told him that he had to stay and look after mommy. He kept on hugging me and kissing me trying to get me to take him with me. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do, to just walk away knowing that I might never see him again!!! Damn it I'm crying right now.
As for me, last night. Could have been hormones, frustration, too damn hot outside, major depression caused by reading Fast Food Nation for my research paper class - I dunno. But I came home from algebra class, sat down at the kitchen table and started bawling. I was entertaining serious thoughts of not continuing with school and just getting some crappy job somewhere. I must have needed the release, though, cuz today I feel much better, more focused, ready to continue with school. Go figure.
When i got home from work today. I threw a bit of a temper tantrum after getting some bad news and then i ate some pancakes and called my favourite person.
And than i felt better.
I can't really remember exactly when the last time I cried was. Well, the last cry-session I remember off the top of my head occurred 9 years ago. Since then, I've been emotionally warped, ever increasingly cynical, ever decreasingly religious, and chronically depressed, yet it's like the worse an event is, the harder it seems to even generate tears. It's as if when something is really really fucking bad, it just seems really easy to just accept it as something I can't change, thus the gears in my mind that would normally stimulate tears don't turn, rather the ones that stimulate anger and frustration do. I don't know if I can cry any more unless something is so catastrophic and over the top I simply can't handle it.
As for me, last night. Could have been hormones, frustration, too damn hot outside, major depression caused by reading Fast Food Nation for my research paper class - I dunno. But I came home from algebra class, sat down at the kitchen table and started bawling. I was entertaining serious thoughts of not continuing with school and just getting some crappy job somewhere. I must have needed the release, though, cuz today I feel much better, more focused, ready to continue with school. Go figure.
It's been over a year. Way to long if you ask me. Not from emotion not from pain none has shed tears in these eyes for a long while. It's been really I guess neutral latley. Happy neutral but neutral I wish there was a strong emotion besides uncertainty I could feel soon. But eh it's been a great summer
A few weeks ago, suddenly, as I came out of a bad dream. Waking up in unstoppable tears is kind of frightening, but it felt kind of good, because for about six months prior to that, I felt so numb that I hadn't been able to cry at all.
Noelle said: When i got home from work today. I threw a bit of a temper tantrum after getting some bad news and then i ate some pancakes and called my favourite person.
And than i felt better.
Im truly sorry you had to cry today, but if the favorite person helped you feel better, then I hope to someday be that sort of friend to someone someday. How lucky you are to have such a friend, and how luck that person is to have that effect on someone else.
Just about every day. Hurting a lot inside and have been for weeks.
GF who i love left me 'cos of her mother's lies.
I am being made bankrupt.
Best friend won't talk to me (shagged my gf's mother then blames me for their breakup)
I have no other friends in real life so I feel alone.
General loathing for life :/
Miss my gf SO MUCH and it's 7 weeks since we broke up and it gets harder and harder. Taken to cutting/burning myself and getting tattoos to mask the pain :/
HyperBlade said: Just about every day. Hurting a lot inside and have been for weeks.
GF who i love left me 'cos of her mother's lies.
I am being made bankrupt.
Best friend won't talk to me (shagged my gf's mother then blames me for their breakup)
I have no other friends in real life so I feel alone.
General loathing for life :/
Miss my gf SO MUCH and it's 7 weeks since we broke up and it gets harder and harder. Taken to cutting/burning myself and getting tattoos to mask the pain :/
Been there, doing that. Love just fucking sucks. Its been months since me and my wife broke up and I still miss her at times. I do agree hurting yourself sometimes does take the pain away. I've did that but you'll move on its not worth dude. I also tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital. By doing that shit it just makes them feel more like they broke with for good reason don't give her the satisfaction.
schoolgirl
Christmas Island
May 2003
JUL 22, 2003 07:24 PM