Worst Celebrity Ever

I was sitting here at work, as I often do, and one of the directors that works for us walked in. I don't see him often, but when I do, I am reminded of the time he gave the world the cinematic equivalent of a violent face fucking followed by a shot to the eye. He directed Blair Witch Project 2, you see. He is possibly the worst brush with fame (not all fame is good fame) I've ever had.

Can you beat me? Mother of God I hope so.

So, what are you asking about here? Shitty celebrity encounters?

Cause if you are, I got ya beat.

Give it to me, papa. I can take it. I want it.

If you're asking for our opinions, mine is Jenny McCarthy. Actually she's at the top of a long list of talentless morons who made their careers basically by being assholes. What makes me sad is that this list keeps growing in all areas of "entertainment".

All right...

I met Gallagher once at the county fair a few years ago. After his show, he was signing autographs for everyone. I thought I was funny and said, "Hey, is this the line for Gallagher tickets?" He said, "No, this is where the funny people stand, so why don't you take a hike, huh?"

And this is why I hate hippies and potsmokers.

i met "cousin brucie" with my parents. i didn't know who the fuck he was, nor did i care, and how my parents knew him i haven't a clue. he was hella stupid though.

MisterSatan PULLS AHEAD OF THE PACK

but but...he's one of them...

I met this girl in Minneapolis (when I lived there), and she told me all about her 'cousin'.

This 'cousin' of hers was very proud of having bagged Carrot Top in his tour bus when he rolled through town. She said he was surprisingly buff and that she was very proud of herself. All I could think was

Not if he were the last man or for 1000 million dollars.

I was standing in a store on Melrose and Sara Gilbert told me "Get the fuck out of my way"
is this what we are talking about?

*swoon*

OH GOD. PARIS HILTON.

She spilled her fucking cocktail (I think it was a fucking appletini) all over my dress and gave me The Bitchface, like it was my fault. I AM SORRY YOU ARE A DRUNKEN SLAG WHO CAN'T LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING. Bitch. And her boobs were fucking popping out of her top, 'cause she always has to wear look-at-me-bought-boobs shirts. And up close? Her cheek bone implants are really nasty.

No. Paris Hilton is worse. Though Mr. I Know Karate is a close second.

Hmmm... I'm not sure which one looks more likely to leave your body in a landfill...

certainly no man wearing an old chinese man outfit could possibly leave someone in a landfill! they're too wise. he can definately run like a girl tho

Ah, man. You did the shitty celebrity equivalent of hitting me in the face with a fish! As much as I hated Blair Witch 2, prop comics are the only concrete sign that God completely hates us. And Gallagher is their brilliant leader. And by brilliant, I mean child killingly evil.

Tim Allen and a blond floozy on his arm came into the used bookstore where I work. He looked rough, unshaven, and a lil' boozy eyed.

He kept saying.. "do you have the book about angels?"

We were like "um, what book about angels?"

Him: "You know the green book about angels!"

US: "Do you know the author or the title?"

Him: "Jesus, you know the book about angels!"

[after lengthy exchange]

US: Sorry we don't have the book on angels.

He grumbles and leaves.. he's half out the door when two teenagers run up and ask him to autograph a napkin.

boo ya.

Tom Arnold. Not even entertaining in an ironic way.

Tom Bergeron hollywood squares

Britney Spears.

Oh yes, Jamie "Fishface" Oliver.