Do You Bite Your Thumb At Me, Sir? -- Best Olde Time Insults

Thou clouted fly-bitten clotpole!

Get bent.

Thou sucketh.

Jive turkey!

Let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp.
Hamlet, 3. 2

http://www.duke.edu/~pms5/humor/shakinsult.html

Thou ribbling clapper-clawed pigeon-egg!!

Base-court apple-john!

Got to *heart* teh Shakespeare.

Your brain’s so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Verily, sir, thy manners are appropriate to one of thy kin and station. I would expect nothing less of your ignoble line, and would surely be astonished were you to offer anything more. You have admirably sunken to the level of your wine besotted, whoring father.

"Thy baldric resembles a rather small tea-cup, poncey-boy."

-Me.

Gods! How the son denigrates from the sire.

Homer

I only wish I may see your head stroked down with a slipper.

Terence

"Tu sochors! Tu scibalum hedi! Tu scibalum ouis! Tu scibalum equi! Tu fimus bouis! Tu stercus porci! Tu hominis stercus! Tu canis scibalum! Tu uulpis scibalum! Tu muricipis scibalum! Tu galline stercus! Tu asini scibalum! Tu uulpicule omnium uulpiculorum! Tu uulpis cauda! Tu uulpis barba! Tu nebris uulpiculi! Tu uechors et semichors! Tu scurra!"

"You idiot! You goat dung! Sheep dung! Horse dung! You cow dung! You pig filth! You human dung! You dog dung! Fox dung! Cat dung! Chicken droppings! You donkey dung! You fox cub of all fox cubs! You fox tail! You fox beard! You skin of a fox cub! You idiot and halfwit! You buffoon!"

The Colloquy of Aelfric Bata

'I wolde I had thy coillons in myn hond
In stide of relikes or of seintuarie.
Lat kutte hem of, I wold thee help hem carie;
They shul be shryned in an hogges toord!'

Chaucer

I'll settle your Jerry hash!

Translation: Gonna shoot me some Germans.

Offspring...
Stupiddumshitgoddamnmotherfucker
Nuff said

your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of eldeberries

I fart in your general direction!

Get bent!!! (Bart Simpson)

You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggits!

now go away or i will taunt you a second time

mine isnt old
but i love it and have to share it with everyone

if you had another brain
it would be lonely.

“More of your conversation would infect my brain…”

old time?---
Sit n spin!!!!!

Im rubberball- your glue- bounces off me n sticks to you.

I hate it when my mom says WHATEVER- to me.

Up yours.

Really old skool- ~Up your nose with a rubber hose.

Oops- this is a show- isnt it? My bad.