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macbastard

MacBastard

North Hollywood, CA
OLD SKOOL

MAY 27, 2003 05:44 PM

Hi gang. Your friendly Mac here.

I was thinking, Ive had sex with a few gals out there. (mabye 1) And I am quite sure I have not sired any offspring as of yet. (that haven't been sold on the mexican slave market shortly after birth.)

I was thinking today as I was sitting here thinking of something witty to write, When I came up with the thought- If, Mac, you have a child, it might be best if he/she was retarted.

Now before you all get in a hootin match about how much of a bastard I is, Let me display the positives of having a kid who ain't playin with all the jacks and mabye might be missing the little red ball also...

1. Genneraly retarted children tend to be the sweetest children around. Even if you punch them, they will still say "It's Okay dad, I stil luv U.!" Or some such garbled, drool laden affermation.

2. Retarded kids don't have to eat as often as "Real" children. Honestly, I don't think forgetting to feed them once in a day or so really matters to em' They don't seem to notice. So you really save money, and can spend the time you would have spent making him/her dinner, doing somthing better....Like herion. Besides, there pretty good at "snacking" on dirt and leaves and bugs and plastic. They'll be alright.

3. Special Olympics. Dude, this is a vicarious living parents DREAM. If I have a retarted kid, I am going to start them on a steroid and weight traning program early. This is a huge mistake most parents make who have retarted kids. They totally don't prepare them for the SPOLY. My kid will be a harrdened machine when he/she is old enough to compete. So what if I shorten the lifespan by 20 years with massive steroid abuse? I want to win! Leave those other 'special' kids in the dust.

4. Free handicapped parking. If your like me you tire of getting tickets from parking in handicapped spaces. If my kid is retarted, free HC parking. Even if I leave the kid at home, locked in his cage for like 15 hours, Hell I can park ALLLLLLLLL day!

5.I'll get all the chicks. Gals love puppies. And other animals. I'll just take Frankinstien Jr. for a walk everyday, and have some sob story lined up about how his mother was killed in a guatumalian war while she was giving food to the homles monkeys or something. And how Frank jr. is getting government funding to the tune of 5 mil a year for physic experinments, and how I just want to spend time with a nice girl and go out on some fancy dinners. Like bees to honey I tell you! Course I'll have to drug the shit outta my kid, so he dosen't attack the ladies.

6. Great workouts. Retarted kids are pretty resilent. I can practice all my judo moves and boxing technecis on em' without doing to much damage. And the best part is, after like an hour of me getting a good "work-out" I can just give em a lime popcicle and they'll forget about it.

Now here are the cons of having a Retarted child:

1. God. All retarted kids love the whole Jesus thing. Alot. And for somereason they can memorize the entire bible just by looking at it. this is going to be a problem in my house since I worship Cuthulu.

2. Colorful items stored and hidden in every nook and fucking cranny of the house. See the slower children LOVE little coulorful things. Its really going to suck when Im about to make the love to a sexy minx, and she pulls out from underneeth her pillow a cerimic jar with a clown on it. Or when Im looking for a jar of cheries and I keep finding bits of legos in the cabnits.

3. The Re-re's Love clowns. That means I'll have to have clown wallpaper, clown diapers, clown bedsheets and for every birthday party up until they are 18 a fucking clown. Daddy does not like clowns. And will have to fight everyday to not put his eyes out when walking into Jr.s cage.

4. Im gonna spend a fortune on restraints and cattle prods. No explination here.

Well I think I have made a quite convincing argument here. I woulden't be suprised if the world soon caught on to the benifits of raising a retarted child. Cause they sure outweigh the cons.

Macsloth


(p.s. If you are offended by this, It was a joke. A satire. And you are ovbiously retarted. Be my child please.)

Estrada

Estrada

University Place, WA
OLD SKOOL

MAY 27, 2003 05:50 PM

I think I have to quit the internet.

After reading this, there is nothing that can compare.

Macbastard, be my normy father.

Katie

Katie

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 27, 2003 06:01 PM

i love you macbastard love

Cherry

Cherry

SUICIDEGIRL

British Columbia, Canada

MAY 27, 2003 06:05 PM

This is the best thing I have read on these here in'ernet boards!

xoCherry!!!ox

DrunkPunk

DrunkPunk

United Kingdom
February 2003

MAY 27, 2003 06:10 PM

I'm still wiping away the tears from laughing too hard biggrin

Maxx

maxx

Los Angeles, CA
July 2002

MAY 27, 2003 06:12 PM

I don't think this is funny. mad

My brother is retarded and it's not something to make fun of.

WaTed

WaTed

United Kingdom
September 2002

MAY 27, 2003 06:14 PM

I nearly wet myself laughing at that, but I just stopped myself.

My parents told me I was special... biggrin

macbastard

MacBastard

North Hollywood, CA
OLD SKOOL

MAY 27, 2003 06:22 PM

Maxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said:
I don't think this is funny. mad

My brother is retarded and it's not something to make fun of.



A very close friend of mine is retarted Max. I hold them in the highest reguard. Like anybody. But also like anybody, they are fair game in this world we live in. I will laugh at anyone anywhere anytime, including and most importantly, myself.
Besids, my dad has a problem dressing like a woman, And you didn't see me kicking your ass about your little joke at the prom did you?


Macstreamline

Maxx

maxx

Los Angeles, CA
July 2002

MAY 27, 2003 06:25 PM

No. Little Joseph is seriously hurt by this. Here, he wants to type a message to you.


sduilfhasawe4h34tg89pyergnuio;dfgy89h890rgezdfbkkldf



I hope your happy! He was crying when he typed that!

Tawnya

Tawnya

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 27, 2003 06:28 PM

i think that maxx and mac should makeout and be friends. i've got my camera, GO!

Estrada

Estrada

University Place, WA
OLD SKOOL

MAY 27, 2003 06:29 PM

Maxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said:
No. Little Joseph is seriously hurt by this. Here, he wants to type a message to you.


sduilfhasawe4h34tg89pyergnuio;dfgy89h890rgezdfbkkldf



I hope your happy! He was crying when he typed that!



I was touched by this... in a way that is probably inappropriate and illegal.

DrunkPunk

DrunkPunk

United Kingdom
February 2003

MAY 27, 2003 06:29 PM

Maxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said:
No. Little Joseph is seriously hurt by this. Here, he wants to type a message to you.


sduilfhasawe4h34tg89pyergnuio;dfgy89h890rgezdfbkkldf



I hope your happy! He was crying when he typed that!



RFLMFAO! biggrin

macbastard

MacBastard

North Hollywood, CA
OLD SKOOL

MAY 27, 2003 06:29 PM

Maxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said:
No. Little Joseph is seriously hurt by this. Here, he wants to type a message to you.


sduilfhasawe4h34tg89pyergnuio;dfgy89h890rgezdfbkkldf



I hope your happy! He was crying when he typed that!



He misspeled "Pyengnuio" Its "PyenAgnuio". Mabye little Joseph should try just a little harder in life and not be such a crybaby.

Macmeenie

clara

clara

MODERATOR

Baltimore, MD

MAY 27, 2003 06:31 PM

macbastard said:
Macmeenie



Yur speeeling errirs iz so coot!

macbastard

MacBastard

North Hollywood, CA
OLD SKOOL

MAY 27, 2003 06:32 PM

Clara said:

macbastard said:
Macmeenie



Yur speeeling errirs iz so coot!



I am sceretly retarted.

Call me "Dr. H"

Macdrh

Maxx

maxx

Los Angeles, CA
July 2002

MAY 27, 2003 06:36 PM

macbastard said:
I am sceretly retarted.

Call me "Dr. H"



oh deer, thes thred is starten to hit belo the bealt

clara

clara

MODERATOR

Baltimore, MD

MAY 27, 2003 06:37 PM

Now I'm waiting for the obligitory "Macweenie" comment. Who will it be? shocked

DebraJean

DebraJean

SUICIDEGIRL

Egypt
Tawnya

Tawnya

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 27, 2003 06:38 PM

Clara said:
Now I'm waiting for the obligitory "Macweenie" comment. Who will it be? shocked



would macncheese suffice?

oh, nevermind...

clara

clara

MODERATOR

Baltimore, MD

MAY 27, 2003 06:40 PM

tawnya said:
would macncheese suffice?

oh, nevermind...



Does it have weenies in it?

Tawnya

Tawnya

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 27, 2003 06:41 PM

Clara said:
Does it have weenies in it?



i live in tacoma, OF COURSE it has weenies in it! it's whitetrashville!

(edited due to retarded typingHAHAHAHA)

[Edited on May 27, 2003 by tawnya]

killfactor

killfactor

Albany, CA
December 2002

MAY 27, 2003 06:41 PM

DebraJean said:
http://www.downsyndromedolls.com/Tatjana.html



Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

This thread is fucking hilarious!

- Shawn

DrunkPunk

DrunkPunk

United Kingdom
February 2003

MAY 27, 2003 06:42 PM

Maxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said:

macbastard said:
I am sceretly retarted.

Call me "Dr. H"



oh deer, thes thred is starten to hit belo the bealt



Ar ewe avin uhgo ar tur Welsh, ar ewe? I nowse evry wun finks weer reetardz buh we aynt, awrite? So shurroo mowf ore ile smashewe fuckin face in lyke, iznit, tidy, smashin biggrin

clara

clara

MODERATOR

Baltimore, MD

MAY 27, 2003 06:49 PM

PervyPunk said:
Ar ewe avin uhgo ar tur Welsh, ar ewe? I nowse evry wun finks weer reetardz buh we aynt, awrite? So shurroo mowf ore ile smashewe fuckin face in lyke, iznit, tidy, smashin biggrin



Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt! Neener neener neener!

Coco

Coco

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 27, 2003 06:55 PM

Genius. Pure genius.

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