I want my child to be retarted!

Hi gang. Your friendly Mac here.

I was thinking, Ive had sex with a few gals out there. (mabye 1) And I am quite sure I have not sired any offspring as of yet. (that haven't been sold on the mexican slave market shortly after birth.)

I was thinking today as I was sitting here thinking of something witty to write, When I came up with the thought- If, Mac, you have a child, it might be best if he/she was retarted.

Now before you all get in a hootin match about how much of a bastard I is, Let me display the positives of having a kid who ain't playin with all the jacks and mabye might be missing the little red ball also...

1. Genneraly retarted children tend to be the sweetest children around. Even if you punch them, they will still say "It's Okay dad, I stil luv U.!" Or some such garbled, drool laden affermation.

2. Retarded kids don't have to eat as often as "Real" children. Honestly, I don't think forgetting to feed them once in a day or so really matters to em' They don't seem to notice. So you really save money, and can spend the time you would have spent making him/her dinner, doing somthing better....Like herion. Besides, there pretty good at "snacking" on dirt and leaves and bugs and plastic. They'll be alright.

3. Special Olympics. Dude, this is a vicarious living parents DREAM. If I have a retarted kid, I am going to start them on a steroid and weight traning program early. This is a huge mistake most parents make who have retarted kids. They totally don't prepare them for the SPOLY. My kid will be a harrdened machine when he/she is old enough to compete. So what if I shorten the lifespan by 20 years with massive steroid abuse? I want to win! Leave those other 'special' kids in the dust.

4. Free handicapped parking. If your like me you tire of getting tickets from parking in handicapped spaces. If my kid is retarted, free HC parking. Even if I leave the kid at home, locked in his cage for like 15 hours, Hell I can park ALLLLLLLLL day!

5.I'll get all the chicks. Gals love puppies. And other animals. I'll just take Frankinstien Jr. for a walk everyday, and have some sob story lined up about how his mother was killed in a guatumalian war while she was giving food to the homles monkeys or something. And how Frank jr. is getting government funding to the tune of 5 mil a year for physic experinments, and how I just want to spend time with a nice girl and go out on some fancy dinners. Like bees to honey I tell you! Course I'll have to drug the shit outta my kid, so he dosen't attack the ladies.

6. Great workouts. Retarted kids are pretty resilent. I can practice all my judo moves and boxing technecis on em' without doing to much damage. And the best part is, after like an hour of me getting a good "work-out" I can just give em a lime popcicle and they'll forget about it.

Now here are the cons of having a Retarted child:

1. God. All retarted kids love the whole Jesus thing. Alot. And for somereason they can memorize the entire bible just by looking at it. this is going to be a problem in my house since I worship Cuthulu.

2. Colorful items stored and hidden in every nook and fucking cranny of the house. See the slower children LOVE little coulorful things. Its really going to suck when Im about to make the love to a sexy minx, and she pulls out from underneeth her pillow a cerimic jar with a clown on it. Or when Im looking for a jar of cheries and I keep finding bits of legos in the cabnits.

3. The Re-re's Love clowns. That means I'll have to have clown wallpaper, clown diapers, clown bedsheets and for every birthday party up until they are 18 a fucking clown. Daddy does not like clowns. And will have to fight everyday to not put his eyes out when walking into Jr.s cage.

4. Im gonna spend a fortune on restraints and cattle prods. No explination here.

Well I think I have made a quite convincing argument here. I woulden't be suprised if the world soon caught on to the benifits of raising a retarted child. Cause they sure outweigh the cons.

Macsloth


(p.s. If you are offended by this, It was a joke. A satire. And you are ovbiously retarted. Be my child please.)

I think I have to quit the internet.

After reading this, there is nothing that can compare.

Macbastard, be my normy father.

I'm still wiping away the tears from laughing too hard

I don't think this is funny.

My brother is retarded and it's not something to make fun of.

I nearly wet myself laughing at that, but I just stopped myself.

My parents told me I was special...

A very close friend of mine is retarted Max. I hold them in the highest reguard. Like anybody. But also like anybody, they are fair game in this world we live in. I will laugh at anyone anywhere anytime, including and most importantly, myself.
Besids, my dad has a problem dressing like a woman, And you didn't see me kicking your ass about your little joke at the prom did you?


Macstreamline

No. Little Joseph is seriously hurt by this. Here, he wants to type a message to you.


sduilfhasawe4h34tg89pyergnuio;dfgy89h890rgezdfbkkldf



I hope your happy! He was crying when he typed that!

I was touched by this... in a way that is probably inappropriate and illegal.

RFLMFAO!

He misspeled "Pyengnuio" Its "PyenAgnuio". Mabye little Joseph should try just a little harder in life and not be such a crybaby.

Macmeenie

I am sceretly retarted.

Call me "Dr. H"

Macdrh

oh deer, thes thred is starten to hit belo the bealt

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

This thread is fucking hilarious!

- Shawn

Ar ewe avin uhgo ar tur Welsh, ar ewe? I nowse evry wun finks weer reetardz buh we aynt, awrite? So shurroo mowf ore ile smashewe fuckin face in lyke, iznit, tidy, smashin