Would you consider this cheating?

Imagine this situation. There's a guy and a girl and the girl has a boyfriend and the guy has made it known that he cares for the girl.

They're sitting in the guy's car, and later his house at night and the guy starts touching the girl. Nothing sexual, no sexual parts are touched, but it's definitely not accidental contact, mainly the type of touching that couples do, the caressing of the cheek, arms, legs, running of the hands through hair, that type of stuff. It's only the guy doing this, but the girl doesn't stop him and even lets slip that she like's it and this goes on for most of the night.

My question I, is this cheating on the girls part? If not, what constitutes cheating. And if you were the girl, would you tell you're boyfriend, and if not, why?

I'd consider it cheating, since she allowed it to happen. Every couple is different, though.

I know I'd be PISSED if my boy let a girl run her hands all over him and then said, "Ooh, I like that." I don't care if he doesn't touch her... it's still cheating, to me.

i don't know if it's exactly cheating, but it certainly is an indication that there are probably problems in the relationship of the girl and her boyfriend, and that she should DEFINITELY talk to him about, if not what actually happened.

was that a run-on sentence or what?!

Yep.

Well, if not it is certainly prelude to cheating. I mean if the guy has told her that he has a woodie for her and she lets this go on, entertaining possibilities, sounds more intimate than some of the sex I've had.

ok here's a question to determine if what you're doing is inappropriate: if your boyfriend was there and saw the whole thing, would it be ok? if he would be ok with it, then it's not cheating. if he would be really hurt and pissed, then there's obviously something wrong with your behavior. but if it didn't go beyond a little harmless non-sexual touching, i wouldnt tell him. however, i would tell the guy to back off and stop making me uncomfortable, as he knows i'm in a relationship. unless you liked it, in which case, dump the boyfriend and get with the other guy. but don't cheat. either be faithful, agree to see other people, or break up. it's just disrespectful and selfish to cheat and not be honest about it. i mean, while you're out getting yours, he could be out getting some too. it's only fair.

edited because the pronouns are really confusing and you're probably not even talking about yourself. oh well, deal with it i'm too tired to make sense

[Edited on Apr 27, 2003 by tastysoup]

If they're doing something they'd be uncomfortable telling the missing boyfriend about then although it might not be cheating, it's something really close. It's an open expression of a desire to cheat, which I think everyone has from time to time. These kinds of things are only as much as you make of them. Unless the missing party finds out, then it's pretty much up to them to decide how much to make of it simply because they usually make an awful lot out of it. This has stopped making sense. Thus, it should be followed to the letter.

Where'd I put my baseball bat?

true. intent. whetehr its done or not, intent is still something. if it doenst happen now, itll happen later.

i got the impression that it was more sort of 'romantic touching,' then 'friendly touching,' but maybe i'm wrong.

i'm also really into touching people. i'm extremely affectionate and love to hug and cuddle people. it's way too much a part of who i am. i'd never be with a guy who had any sort of problem with that.

I don't think it's cheating per se, but just because it's not cheating, doesn't mean it's not something else bad. Did she lie about it? Is he an old friend of hers, or just some random guy? These are the questions you might want to ask. I guess intent is what you really need to look at here.

Didn't they have a conversation like this in Pulp Fiction, except with foot massages?

This was definitely not just "friendly touching" much closer to "romantic touching" and it wasn't just for a short amount of time, I'm talking for a few hours.

It seems like most people take my view, I think it's cheating, or something close to it. I know if I was with a woman, I sure as hell wouldn't let another woman touch me like that and if I did, I'd feel terrible about it.

Its one thing if it's just friends, and they've been friends for years and neither has anything but plutonic feelings for the other, but in this case, there are definite feelings, and the girl knows this.

I don't know if she lied about it, but they're not old friends, they've only really started talking about 3 weeks ago.

And yeah, now that you mention it, they did have a conversation like this in pulp fiction, only about foot massages.

yeah it is kinda funny, i didn't even notice I typed it wrong until you pointed it out.

Yeah, except in Pulp Fiction, the guy got flung out of a window, onto very hard ground. Which I am sure must be plenty satisfying to do (the flinging, not the falling down and dying), but I think it would get you arrested.

Good rule

If I walked into a room and some guy was rubbing my girlfriends legs, I would be upset at both of them.

yeah i'd be upset. i don't know about cheating, but i would have to agree that "intent" is something...maybe all that is needed.

Al said:
They say you need 4 hugs a day minimum to survive and I take my friendly contact where I can get it.

word. totally depends on the relationship and the context. otherwise, no harm done.

i dont know..
i think anything that doesnt involve physical intercourse isnt cheating.
i touch all my male friends in that way and my boyfriend knows its not cheating.
so..perception is everything isnt it.

I was just about to say the same thing, word for word... heh, yhea thats usually the best way to tell

cheating is kind of subjective. i wouldn't necessarily want a girlfriend to spend the afternoon being groped by another guy. but different people have different relationships and needs; some people are very tactile-oriented and enjoy a plutonic (tee-hee) touch.

but yeah, if you have to ask...

"whenever there is doubt, there is no doubt."

it's cheating if her boyfriend & her don't expect each other to welcomely take part in that action with another.

cheating can be anything from simply having lunch w/someone of the opposite (or same, depending) sex before the partner is told about it....

or two people can be fucking across america together & it can not be cheating....

it depends on what the agreements & expectations in the relationship are. if you're breaking those (i.e. lying even through being silent), then you're cheating.

so it really depends on what her & her boyfriend's relationship is. if they agree it's ok to accept those type of caresses, then no. if it isn't, then yes.

basically, it comes down very simply to this: is the person being honest w/their partner?

Yeah I'm with tuff on this, pretty much verbatim.