In a bold move to improve my luck with girls, I turn myself into one. Unexpectedly I fall in love, hard.

With myself.

For hours and hours I just stand at the mirror, head over heels for this new nudie she-me. "Oh you... babydoll...," I whisper into the glass, trailing slow feverish fingertips over my twin boobies with their foxy little tattoos by the nipples, over my wavy brunette curls here there and everywhere, over the warm naughty globes of my fine slinky ass. I lean close and plant a long...

dangerseeker

Towson, MD

August 2002

MAR 27, 2003 06:34 PM

this is some amazing shit

Olivia

Emeryville, CA

May 2002

MAR 27, 2003 09:08 PM

omfg. disturbing in the best way.

TygerTyger

Canada

March 2003

MAR 28, 2003 06:49 AM

That was truly twisted. I think I have a new favourite author.

Stiles

Philadelphia, PA

November 2002

MAR 28, 2003 07:08 AM

That's quite twisted.

Pretty good, too....

moondaddy

Houston, TX

January 2003

MAR 28, 2003 05:55 PM

Hilarious.

Yourgrau's writing reminds me of the weird-ass stories that Peter Gabriel used to come up with during his days with Genesis in the early Seventies. For example, this one from the liner notes to Genesis Live:

4.30 pm. The tube train draws to a halt. There is no station in sight. Anxious glances dart around amongst the passengers as they acknowledge each other's presence for the first time.

At the end of the train, a young lady in a green trouser-suit stands up in the centre of the carriage and proceeds to unbutton her jacket, which she removes and drops to the dirty wooden floor. She also takes off her shoes, her trousers, her blouse, her brassiere, her tights and her floral panties, dropping them all in a neat pile. This leaves her totally naked.

She then moves her hands across her thighs and begins to fiddle around in between her legs. Eventually she catches hold of something cold and metallic, and very slowly she starts to unzip her body: working in a straight line up the stomach, between the breasts, up the neck, taking it right on through the centre of her face to her forehead. Her fingers probe up and down the resulting slits, finally coming to rest on either side of her navel. She pauses for a moment before meticulously working her flesh apart.

Slipping her right hand into the open gash, she pushes up through her throat, latching on to some buried solid at the top. of her spine. With tremendous effort, she loosens and pulls out a thin, shimmering, golden rod. Her fingers release their grip and her crumpled body, neatly sliced, slithers down the liquid surface of the rod to the floor.

SPLAT!

The rod remains hovering just off the ground. A flagpole without a flag. The other passengers have been totally silent but at the sound of the body dropping on the floor, a large middle-aged lady, wearing a pink dress and matching poodle, stands up and shouts, "STOP THIS, IT'S DISGUSTING!"

The golden rod disappeared, the green trouser-suit was left on a hanger, with a dry-cleaning ticket pinned to the left arm.

On the ticket was written:

NAME.........................................
ADDRESS....................................
................................................
................................................
................................................

[Edited on Mar 28, 2003 by moondaddy]

csilla

Buffalo, NY

July 2002

MAR 29, 2003 03:00 PM

this was very good. id like to see more of this nature of writing. (haha am i even making sense) Barry Yourgrau is disturbing in a very very good way.

Anny

Reading, PA

March 2003

APR 01, 2003 12:18 PM

GAH! Hairy shoulders are disturbing... this story was hilarious! Hurray for making out with miirors, i guess... I'm not really saying anything intelligent, just like the story a lot, made me laugh, cringe...